Warm Southern Breeze

"… there is no such thing as nothing."

Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

United In Love

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Friday, August 18, 2017

The church teaches that marriage is a sacrament for many reasons. A commitment this profound, which leads a couple to Read the rest of this entry »

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Bitter Criticism Is Like Cyanide To Relationships

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Most people muddle through life without ever thinking about what they do, why they respond the way they do, how they can become better people, improve their emotional stability, change they way they respond, or increase their understanding of others or their relationships with them.

Why?

It’s not as if people are born as experts on themselves or human relationships. And merely “being oneself” is no guarantee of anything remotely resembling self understanding.

It’s important to talk about how we feel, and what we think without negative criticism from each other. Open lines of communication are imperative to maintaining and nourishing relationships. Communication must be ongoing, open, honest, and without strident tones and condemnation.

It would seem reasonable then, to seek understanding not only about oneself, but about others, and relationships, and to endeavor to improve oneself and one’s relationships with others… especially and particularly familial and spousal relationships. Could it be that bilateral lack of such effort – aka LAZINESS – is responsible for the increase in divorce rates in America? For lack of genuine emotional intimacy? Lack of sexual intimacy? Lack of proper parenting?

People are not born smart. We’re born stupid. It’s a choice to remain that way.

—//—

“People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.”
– Gary Chapman

It’s Not Me, It’s You: Why Criticism Poisons Happy Marriages By Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott 

Criticism is an insidious behavior that comes into marriage and eats at the core of our identity. Few things will shut down intimacy quite like being criticized or controlled, and it is capable of immobilizing your emotional health and personal growth, especially within your relationship.

Nobody enjoys being criticized or picked apart, but it’s especially painful when your spouse – your soul mate – is the one being critical and hurtful to you. It’s demoralizing to be treated this way when you’re doing your best to make a contribution and add value to your relationship… but you get criticized instead of appreciated. Criticism can easily break a heart, and that’s a terrible place to be in your marriage.

What makes a person critical?

We often refer to critical people as “control freaks” or “high-maintenance people.” Control freaks are compelled to Read the rest of this entry »

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Be Enlightened By The Darkness

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Saturday, July 15, 2017

Saint Bonaventure had the “good fortune,” as his name means, of knowing other saints in his lifetime. His parents Giovanni di Fidanza and Maria Ritella named him Giovanni di Fidanza, bit legend has it that he was given his name Bonaventure by Saint Francis of Assisi, whose Franciscan order Bonaventure joined.

After making his vows, he was sent to complete his studies in Paris. While there, he became good friends with Saint Thomas Aquinas, with whom he received the degree of Doctor, and developed a friendship with Saint Louis, King of France.

Saint Bonaventure is known for his leadership of the Franciscans and his significant intellectual contributions to theology and philosophy. St. Bonaventure also wrote numerous mystical and ascetical treatises, perhaps most famously, “The Soul’s Journey into God.”

In 1273, he was appointed by Read the rest of this entry »

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Phubbing: What Is It, And How To Avoid It

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Could Phubbing Be Secretly Ruining Your Marriage?
By Kylie Matthew

(This IS a problem. I see it all too often in my counseling practice. – Debbie Preece, MA)

New research suggests this pernicious problem is wrecking emotional havoc.

Do you spend more quality time with your phone than you do with your spouse? Are you compulsively checking for notifications and endlessly scrolling through your social media feeds while in the presence of your honey?

If this sounds like you, you may be one of millions of people experiencing what is a relatively new psychological condition known as ‘phubbing’ that, according to influential new research, may be slowly eroding your relationship with your partner.

Phone addiction is a ‘thing.’ Seriously

Phubbing is a portmanteau of ‘phone’ and ‘snubbing’ and occurs when conversation is interrupted by attention being given to a smart phone rather than the person you’re with. When it’s your loved one who bears the brunt of this compulsive action, it’s called phubbing – partner phone snubbing.

It’s a phenomenon directly resulting from the emergence of ‘phone addiction’ that, according to an extensive review of recent studies on the condition, is a problem tightly linked to unprecedented technological development over the past decade.

Unlike other forms of behavioral addiction such as gambling or gaming, in the same report it was noted that phone addiction seemingly affects young, extroverted women more than anyone else. (All ages and sexes are vulnerable.)

This isn’t surprising according to one of Australia’s foremost experts on relationships. “This is Read the rest of this entry »

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#ALpolitics @GovernorBentley: Alabama’s “Counterfeit” Leader – Epilogue

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Sunday, October 4, 2015

Epilogue: Governor Robert Bentley, Alabama’s “Counterfeit” Leader

By Donald V.Watkins
©Copyrighted and Published (via Facebook) on October 4, 2015
Used with permission

Since our initial September 4, 2015 edition, we published a series of articles titled, “Forbidden Love” and “Executive Betrayal.” Those articles disclosed a flaming love affair between Alabama Governor Robert Bentley and Rebekah Caldwell Mason, his married paramour and Senior Political Adviser. The adulterous love affair was underwritten by taxpayers, donors to the governor’s campaign organization, and contributors to a 501(c)(4) non-profit corporation that Bentley used as a slush fund to sponsor his personal affair with Rebekah.

Alabama Governor Bentley with paramour/ Rebekah Caldwell Mason

Alabama Governor Bentley with paramour/ Rebekah Caldwell Mason

Infidelity between two married “Christian” lovers is a moral and religious issue. The use of state and federal funds along with donor money to carry on and conceal the affair is a criminal matter.

Bentley’s case is dripping with evidence of wire and mail fraud, money laundering, conspiracy, misuse of public funds, and Read the rest of this entry »

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Here’s Why People Should Be Like Dogs

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Saturday, June 27, 2015

My puppy loves me.

I love my puppy.

I don’t want to marry my puppy.

My puppy is spayed.

My puppy could probably care less about mating.

I feed my puppy quite well.

My puppy loves me.

My puppy walks alongside me off lead.

I don’t want to marry my puppy.

No one in Alabama has EVER been forced to marry anyone.

Anyone who says otherwise is Read the rest of this entry »

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The Different Ways Men and Women Communicate

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, July 30, 2014

The Different Ways Men and Women Communicate

by Stephen Martin and Victoria Costello

Although not uniformly present in all couples, gender differences in communication style and content preferences are common enough to wreak havoc in many marriages. It’s important to remember that these differences can make communication in marriage more difficult, but on their own they do not cause marital breakdowns. They can also lead to joy and delight if you recognize the differences and appreciate each other for them.

The Way Women Communicate

Research is now proving beyond a shadow of a doubt what you’ve probably known since you entered adolescence and began paying serious attention to the opposite sex: Men and women tend to talk for different reasons, and the two sexes process information differently.

Scientists have discovered that women really do hear more than men. Just think about the running debates that go on between spouses about the preferred volume of a TV or stereo. Then apply this principle to the tone used by a man and a woman in an argument. Which spouse is more likely to be impacted by a raised voice?

Fact

According to noted marriage researcher John Gottman, PhD, women are the ones who most often bring up difficult topics for discussion with their spouses, in fact 80 percent of the time. Gottman, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, notes that this communication dynamic is dominant in the “good” as well as the “bad” marriages he observes in controlled laboratory settings.

Neurologists also say that men see and perceive visual stimuli more clearly than women do. Think about maps and directions as an example. Then apply this principle to your facial expression during a difficult discussion with your husband. What is more likely to create distance: a calm, sympathetic expression or a scowl? An easier example might be how Read the rest of this entry »

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Gay Marriage, Civil Union, Domestic Partnership, Marriage and Civil Rights

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, March 27, 2013

What you’re about to read is NOT about religion.

For a brief moment – if you can – set aside a religious mindset (if you have one) about homosexuality.

As an ‘institution,’ marriage confers legal benefits to each spouse which are enforceable in courts of law in all 50 states.

For example, the following is a partial list of legal benefits Read the rest of this entry »

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Alabama is USA’s 2d most religious state

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Monday, February 18, 2013

Alabama also ranks up there in poverty, divorce, sexually transmitted diseases, lack of a high school education, spousal abuse, and…

Thank God for Mississippi, eh?

Gallup: Alabama 2nd most religious state in America

By George Talbot | gtalbot@al.com
on February 17, 2013 at 10:51 AM, updated February 17, 2013 at 12:31 PM

Alabama ranked as the nation’s second most religious state in 2012, behind Mississippi and tied with Utah, according to a new survey by Gallup.

The Washington, D.C.-based polling firm found that 56 percent of Alabama residents identified themselves as “very religious” – based on saying religion is an important part of their daily life and that they attend religious services every week or almost every week.

Alabama trailed only Mississippi, its Deep South neighbor, where Read the rest of this entry »

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Research: Waiting to have sex strengthens relationship

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Monday, December 31, 2012

It’s not as if we’ve not heard this before. Our grandmothers, parents and others have known this for years. And, with varying degrees of success, some Christian fundamentalists have preached a gospel of delayed sexual gratification, albeit using a basis of fear – as in asserting that extramarital sexual activity before marriage is a sin against the Almighty, oneself and one’s partner. Whether or not that is the case is not the point in this research. And then, there are those who tacitly encourage all forms of sexual gratification, by asserting that to withhold oneself from sexual pleasure is an emotionally or psychologically damaging activity.

Couples who wait to have sex last longer in their relationships than those who jump straight into bed together

By James Nye

PUBLISHED: 14:02 EST, 23 December 2012 | UPDATED: 14:02 EST, 23 December 2012

New couples who jump into bed together on the first date do not last as long in relationships as those who wait a new study has revealed.

Using a sample of almost 11,000 unmarried people, Brigham Young University discovered a direct correlation between the length and strength of a partnership and the amount of time they took to have first have sex.

The study showed that those who waited to initiate sexual intimacy were found to have longer and more positive outcomes in their relationships while those who couldn’t help themselves reported that their dalliances struggled to last more than two years.

Couples who wait to get into bed together experience longer lasting relationships than those who do not a new study has foundCouples who wait to get into bed together experience longer lasting relationships than those who do not a new study has found

‘Results suggested that waiting to initiate sexual intimacy in unmarried relationships was generally associated with positive outcomes,’ said the report authored published by the U.S. National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health.

‘This effect was strongly moderated by relationship length, with individuals who reported early sexual initiation reporting increasingly lower outcomes in relationships of longer than two years.’

The study examined four sexual-timing patterns: Having sex Read the rest of this entry »

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The Irony of the Death: The first nails in the coffin of DOMA were all done by Republicans.

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Sunday, June 3, 2012

The stinking irony of the whole matter is that the folks who are primarily responsible for the federal death of DOMA is that…

they’re REPUBLICAN.

So who’re your hypocrites?

Who’re your radicals now?


In Defense of Marriage

Editorial
Published: June 2, 2012

The federal appeals court ruling last week that struck down part of the Defense of Marriage Act did not say whether same-sex couples have a constitutional right to marry, but the decision sets the stage for what will almost certainly be a Supreme Court showdown over the unfair treatment of gay people and their families.

The ruling on Thursday by a three-judge panel of the United States Court of Appeals for the First Circuit, based in Boston, marked the first time a federal appellate court had ruled against the 1996 law, which excludes same-sex couples from federal benefits accorded heterosexual married couples. (like being allowed to filed joint tax returns and to receive Social Security survivor payments).

The case was heard by two judges nominated by Republican presidents and one Democratic nominee. It involved married couples in Massachusetts, which is among the handful of states where gay couples may lawfully wed. The marriage law was being defended by lawyers hired by the Republican majority in the House after the Obama administration finally acknowledged that it was unconstitutional and decided to stop defending it in court.

The panel’s key finding was that there was no “demonstrated connection” between the law’s hurtful treatment of same-sex couples and “its asserted goal of strengthening the bonds and benefits” of heterosexual marriage. It also said another rationale for the law — that it preserves scarce federal resources — was simply not true.

We were disappointed that the panel declined to Read the rest of this entry »

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A Not-so Surprising Prescription for Economic Recovery: Get Married, Stay Married

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Sunday, June 3, 2012

It’s difficult to argue with the facts.

But perhaps we should be asking ourselves this question: “Why are we doing this?”

Is this not a type of suicide?

Would it not be insane for us to NOT promote “best practice” activities?

Would it not be ludicrous for us to NOT tell someone that danger lies ahead if they embarked upon a particular path, course of action or behavior?

No one in their right mind would ever say that we loved or cared for that person precisely because we simply failed to warn them. For indeed, though we may say that we do love them, we do not behave as if we do, because love is not in words only.

In fact, love cannot exist in words only.

Love exists in evidence, and in abundance of action.

The single-mom catastrophe

The demise of two-parent families in the U.S. has been an economic catastrophe for society.

Op-Ed
By Kay S. Hymowitz
June 3, 2012

The single-mother revolution shouldn’t need much introduction. It started in the 1960s when the nation began to sever the historical connection between marriage and childbearing and to turn single motherhood and the fatherless family into a viable, even welcome, arrangement for children and for society. The reasons for the shift were many, including the sexual revolution, a powerful strain of Read the rest of this entry »

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Thinking about foot rubbing… and marriage

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Who came up with this idea of marriage, anyway?

Read on, for a very thoughtfully expressed idea, from a non-religious perspective.

A thought experiment about marriage

A world in which sexual intimacy could not produce children would never have come up with the idea of marriage.

 In previous articles, I have asserted that if sex did not naturally lead to children, no one would ever have conceived the idea of marriage. My claim may be obvious to most people, but we live in a world in which people who never intend to have children get married; so, of course, do some people who want children but are infertile. In generations past, we felt compassion for those who married but did not have children, because it was presumed that they wanted children, since, after all, they married one another. No longer can we presume this. The era of contraception and surgical sterilization has altered the face, so to speak, of the childless couple, and consequently the face of the married couple.

The quest for same-sex marriage begins here. In a world where seeking marriage is seeking a community-endorsed way to have sex and bear children, the idea of same-sex marriage is like the idea of a square circle. The very idea of same-sex marriage is conceivable only in a world that is using the term “marriage” in a completely different way, to refer to something of a completely different nature.

Allow me, then, to make a case for my assertion about sex, children, and marriage through a “thought experiment”—a scenario in which human beings have no word for, no concept of, marriage.

Imagine a colony of young men who have no memory of ever having lived anywhere else. Properly speaking, the men do not even know that they are men, but only that they are different from all the other creatures they encounter. They hunt and gather. They are naturally social beings who care about each other, form friendships, try to please one another, generally Read the rest of this entry »

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At first glance, it’s shallow. Then, you realize… you’re in over your head.

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, May 23, 2012

You can’t go it alone.

We weren’t meant to go it alone.

We all need help.

So, here’s some help.

I Thought I Understood About Men But I Didn’t

By Shaunti Feldhahn

Have you ever been totally confused by something the man in your life has said or done? Have you ever wondered, looking at his rapidly departing back, “Why did that make him so angry?”

Have you ever been perplexed by your husband‘s defensiveness when you ask him to stop working so much? Yeah? Me too.

But now, after conducting spoken and written interviews with more than one thousand men, I can tell you that the answers to those and dozens of other common perplexities are all related to what is going on in your man’s inner life.

Most are things he wishes you knew but doesn’t know how to tell you. In some cases, they’re things he has no idea you don’t know.

Light bulb On!

It turned out that these men shared some surprisingly common inner wiring. At their secret inner core, many had Read the rest of this entry »

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Marriage Tips: A Healthy View of Conflict

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Just as in our physical life, when we fall down, it’s because we lose our balance.

It’s not our sense of equilibrium that is lost – it may still be intact – but our physical bodies, the thing we use to communicate with the external world, has taken a spill.

It’s important to get back up, and to continue toward a path that leads to understanding.

Remember: It’s important to think about how you think.

Marriage Tips

Gaining a Healthy View of Conflict

By Tim and Joy Downs

The very presence of conflict in marriage is a source of embarrassment and even shame for Christian people.

Here are three revolutionary ideas – thoroughly Biblical ideas – that can change the way you look at conflict in marriage.

1. Marriage will not always be enjoyable.

Marriage workshops are dangerous places, and marriage is no different. Marriage is Read the rest of this entry »

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Because sometimes, your marriage REALLY DOES suck.

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Face it.

Life can have its moments.

And, those moments can try even the best of us.

Sure, there are some really trite sayings about life and relationships.

But unless you’ve been there, done that, and got the ratty, tattered tee-shirt to prove it, it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference.

And because divorce sucks and blows huge gnarly chunks.

Marriage Tips

But I Don’t Feel Like It

By Pam Farrel

I see it all the time as a counselor. We’ve all felt it: the “Hey, what about me?” syndrome. Sometimes it sneaks up on us when we feel that our emotional needs aren’t being met – and we resent it. Or maybe we have a hard-to-love spouse and we’re tired of trying to make things work. That’s when the “Hey, what about me?” syndrome hits. When does it come? It’s when we’re feeling sorry for ourselves – or just plain tired of trying – what can we do?

Choose.

Choose to make wise decisions.

Don’t rely on feelings or emotions when the going gets tough.

Our feelings don’t carry us to the right decisions; rather right decisions carry us to right emotions – and positive rewards. Here are a few ways you can exercise your will over your emotions:

Decide to take “divorce” out of your dictionary.

My husband, Bill, and I have counseled couples back to happiness from all kinds of crises: loss of a child, loss of a home, all kinds of addictions, affairs, and a whole lot Read the rest of this entry »

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How to: Prepare for a Successful Marriage

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Monday, April 16, 2012

To put yourself on a more sure foundation for establishing a successful marriage, just don’t do it.

Cohabit, that is.

Human nature being what it is, we don’t often like being told not to do things.

We take particular delight in going against the grain. The reasons why are myriad. And yet, at times, there have been valid reasons why, or why we should not to do things, that – for one reason or another – have not been communicated effectively, if at all.

One area in which ineffective communication has occurred is pre-marital relationships.

Sure, there are various colloquialisms for the notion and practice of cohabiting – such as “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free,” “try before you buy,” and others – some of which many of us have heard for years. What’s interesting to note, is that we’re now discovering, is that, well… they were right.

But again, the problem with those aphorisms, no matter how true they may be, is that they presume a certain level of understanding. They presume communication has occurred, and that the understanding and rationale of the question ‘why’ is present.

As we’re finding out, the understanding and rationale of the question ‘why’ is absent, which also means that a certain level of understanding is absent, which therefore means that the foundation for the truth of the aphorism is entirely absent.

Read on to learn more about the fascinating findings.

The Downside of Cohabiting Before Marriage

By MEG JAY April 14, 2012

AT 32, one of my clients (I’ll call her Jennifer) had a lavish wine-country wedding. By then, Jennifer and her boyfriend had lived together for more than four years. The event was attended by the couple’s friends, families and two dogs.

Illustration by Karen Katz

The BIG slide - what does it mean? (Illustration by Karen Katz)

When Jennifer started therapy with me less than a year later, she was looking for a divorce lawyer. “I spent more time planning my wedding than I spent happily married,” she sobbed. Most disheartening to Jennifer was that she’d tried to do everything right. “My parents got married young so, of course, they got divorced. We lived together! How did this happen?”

Cohabitation in the United States has increased by more than 1,500 percent in the past half century. In 1960, about 450,000 unmarried couples lived together. Now the number is more than 7.5 million. The majority of young adults in their 20s will live with a romantic partner at least once, and more than half of all marriages will be preceded by cohabitation. This shift has been attributed to Read the rest of this entry »

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