Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, etc.

While I NO LONGER make any claims to be “religious,” practice any religious faith, or have anything to do with any kind of religion, faith, or the practice thereof, there are some things that, it seems to me, if there was a god/dess, such a being would be unlike us in practically every way… at least most of us.

Such a “god/goddess” or supreme being, would be concerned with our lives, the lives of humans on Earth, and with practically, or actually, every picayune thing associated with life here on this planet.

The relationship of humans to one another, to each other, the relationship of humans to the planet upon which they live, and upon which they rely as the very source of life itself, for food, for water, for clothing, for housing, for EVERYTHING — EVERY LITTLE THING — that pertains to life, including every minuscule joy, or momentary and passing pleasure, happiness, the taste of food, of smell, perfumes, aromas, all kinds of love, including sexual pleasures… ALL THAT would be a concern of a supreme/divine being, simply because that being loves those who live upon, and from, the Earth.

There is no god/goddess/supreme/diving being like that. At least there is none like that preached from most pulpits in churches, synagogues, mosques, temples and other houses of worship. And so, therefore, by virtue of that lack, that absence, I am led to conclude, that substantial lack, that fundamental absence of such a being — that again, being a being which is so full of love, and wisdom, that it cannot help but give, for giving is its very nature — that there is not such a one. There is no god/goddess/creator/divine being.

Yet, as a scientist, I must admit that we do not yet know, nor can prove, and so therefore, it is reasonable and rational to suppose that the possibility might exist, however small, that there might be such an one. But again, the likelihood is so minuscule, so microscopic, that its practically (for all practical purposes) non-existent. If it, the possibility, were but one grain of sand on the Earth, it would be so substantial, so life-changing. But those who have changed their lives have done so themselves, some with help of others, while others have done it alone. Jesus of Nazareth is even reputed to have told the renown parable story known widely as “The Prodigal Son” who “came to himself,” or as some versions put it, “finally came to his senses.” There is no indication that the son had any help in the matter.

But, it’s nice to think about the possibilities that a “supernatural,” even divine being exists, because again, if it were so, it would be a global game-changer. But, it’s also nice to think about eating all the ice cream, cake, pie, and other sweet treats that one could possibly want, without having any adverse side effect, like weight gain.

And so, this creature, this divine/supreme being… I think about a song which became popular some years ago

Bittersweet

Perhaps you know that I read, and do so widely.

Yesterday, I read something that I found utterly BRILLIANT!

This is but one thought from it.

“To avoid being mistaken for gay, these days many self-proclaimed straight people—men especially—settle for superficial associations with their comrades and reserve the sort of costly intimacy that once characterized such chaste same-sex relationships for their romantic partners alone. Their ostensibly normal sexual orientation cheats them out of an essential aspect of human flourishing: deep friendship.”

As I am now writing these words, another thought came to mind, and it was that I learned a new word recently.

The word is “alexithymia,” and refers to the inability to describe emotions.

The word it self is a fairly new one having emerged circa 1970’s, and examining its component parts, tells us something about its meaning. The prefix “a” means the negation or absence of something, “lexi” means speech, and by extension communication, and “thymia” refers to a noun form meaning a condition being related to the mind and will.

I learned that word after viewing a brief TEDx presentation given by a gent who was presenting the case against the social, colloquial phrase “be a man” – and most all ideas associated with it, which also flow from it – and which as he shared, has significantly contributed to the alienation and isolation of emotions from boys, and the social retardation of the full development of personality and character which otherwise might be more fully developed were they “in tune with” their emotions, and able to describe them.

He made a much better case for emotional support than I’m able to explain here in a few words, but suffice it to say, that the impetus of his idea was that boys’ emotional development is largely (or, at least has been historically, most notably in modernity) socially squelched, and they have not been encouraged to express their emotions, save perhaps, except in sports, which itself is a very narrow expression.

But it was the story and motion picture “Brian’s Song,” about

Discover The Mystery of You

Each newborn child is a mystery about to unfold in the world. And there is always the potential for joy and pain, great good or tremendous misery. To a great extent, much of what the child becomes is contained in the context of the family: Its resources, stability, and

Love is Like a Greased Pig

By Mark Gungor

“I just don’t feel what I used to feel for you.”
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore.”
“I believe I’ve found my soul mate…and it isn’t you.”
Or as the Righteous Brothers sang, “You’ve lost that loving feeling.”

However people want to word it, the bottom line is this: The fabulous and intense experience of our early love isn’t there anymore. I guess it wasn’t true love after all.

In the wonderful movie classic, The Princess Bride, the cotton-mouthed, speech-challenged priest talks about “true love” (Or “twuuuu wuv” as he says it!) at the wedding ceremony of Princess Buttercup and Prince Humperdink. He states that true love will follow you forever. While it makes for a great movie line, in reality it is a bunch of nonsense. True love doesn’t follow you like a little puppy that is constantly there. It’s actually more like a greased pig! You have to chase after it and pursue it. You have to run it down and tackle it and when it gets away, you go after it one more time. You may finally get a hold of it for a while, but then the little rascal can slip away and you have to chase it down again.

I know, I know—a greased pig isn’t all that romantic of an analogy to use, but it surely is more realistic and more accurate! Men and women who ascribe to all this romantic fantasy stuff will be sorely disappointed. So many people actually think that love and marriage will always be easy; that it will always be a skip through the meadow with birds chirping and butterflies flitting and the orchestra playing in the background. They think that the emotional high and buzz they experience at the beginning of dating or marriage will always be there. “Our love is true love and it will never fade!” That’s why so many people become disillusioned once they get into marriage—and sometimes it doesn’t take very long at all. They think that they have “fallen out of love” with their spouse once the flames of passion begin to die down to a smoldering ember.

Of course, our feelings change over time. There is no way that the initial euphoria can go on and on. It gives way to a deeper and more mature kind of love. The stages of marriage have been well documented in the research. That initial high that people experience at the onset usually only lasts six months to two years. Once the buzz is gone, the mistake that people often make is to allow their “feelings” to dictate their actions. They don’t feel that rush of emotion that they associated with love in the beginning and therefore, they assume they aren’t in love any more. Then naturally, since they don’t feel love, they reason (wrongly) that they must be true to their feelings. As a result, many

Support Gentle, Loving Relationships

If you knew you would be canonized a saint and could choose your patronage now, for what cause would you cheerfully accept intercessions? Be careful in your selection: Saints become the patrons of causes they know all too well. Rita of Cascia is the patron saint of

Do Something Useful

Be honest: Do you think prayer is useful? While we might describe the act of

Are You A Lazy Lover?

How lazy are you?

Most would confess to sitting or lying around every now and then, even regularly, and doing nothing in order to relax and unwind. No dishes, no laundry, no shopping, no cooking, no house cleaning, no errands, no lawn or garden work – no matter how pleasurable, just sitting around – maybe even in loungewear, or less – and simply doing nothing but watch teevee, eat snacks, and drink.

Even a day, or two, of such doing-nothingness, or “vegetating,” can be rejuvenating. After all, the ethic of six days of work, and resting on the seventh, has significant long-standing in almost every society and culture worldwide.

And in actuality, little, if anything, is ever made of anyone who does that, even with calculable regularity. But the person who does that habitually, justifiably earns our ire, and they are few, and far between.

No one would imagine calling anyone “lazy” who regularly took a day or two of such relaxation. But consider this: Even if in the small seemingly inconsequential things we do nothing, we run the risk of active destruction. Here’s what I mean.

At its core, that concept is somewhat similar to the term

Get Your Passport Stamped

The man often called the “good thief” turned his life around in the final hour when he encountered Jesus on the cross at Golgotha. One good act of

Want More #Sex? Smoke More #Cannabis!

NPR recently reported about research that seems to point to one benefit of daily use of cannabis.

Increased sexual activity.

I continue to maintain that:
a.) People NEED & OUGHT to have MORE SEX, and;
b.) Cannabis NEEDS & OUGHT to be legalized, taxed & regulated.

Because:
a.) No one ever had an orgasm while “mad” or “angry,” and;
b.) I’ve neither read nor heard of anyone being “mad” or “angry” while high.

Fact is, research is continuing to show that increasingly, people are ANGRY at/because of many things, some of which are outside the locus of their immediate control, and that correspondingly, people are having sexual encounters less often – including married couples (for the benefit of those who believe that sexual activity belongs only among married couples). STOP ANGER! Get high! Have sex!

There’s SIGNIFICANTLY MORE argument to be made AGAINST ETOH (ethanol alcohol, aka “beverage” alcohol) than against cannabis.

Researchers Find Frequency of Sex Rises With Marijuana Use

“Surveys of 50,000 people found that those who smoked marijuana had sex more often than those who

Refraining From Negative Personal Criticism

Do you ever negatively criticize people? Perhaps even, those closest to you – meaning loved ones, and dear friends?

Why is it that such seems to be the case, more often, than not?

To refrain from negatively criticizing people is a loving decision that I’ve made which respects people.

It doesn’t mean that I always agree with their decisions, but it allows

Bitter Criticism Is Like Cyanide To Relationships

Most people muddle through life without ever thinking about what they do, why they respond the way they do, how they can become better people, improve their emotional stability, change they way they respond, or increase their understanding of others or their relationships with them.

Why?

It’s not as if people are born as experts on themselves or human relationships. And merely “being oneself” is no guarantee of anything remotely resembling self understanding.

It’s important to talk about how we feel, and what we think without negative criticism from each other. Open lines of communication are imperative to maintaining and nourishing relationships. Communication must be ongoing, open, honest, and without strident tones and condemnation.

It would seem reasonable then, to seek understanding not only about oneself, but about others, and relationships, and to endeavor to improve oneself and one’s relationships with others… especially and particularly familial and spousal relationships. Could it be that bilateral lack of such effort – aka LAZINESS – is responsible for the increase in divorce rates in America? For lack of genuine emotional intimacy? Lack of sexual intimacy? Lack of proper parenting?

People are not born smart. We’re born stupid. It’s a choice to remain that way.

—//—

“People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.”
– Gary Chapman

It’s Not Me, It’s You: Why Criticism Poisons Happy Marriages By Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott 

Criticism is an insidious behavior that comes into marriage and eats at the core of our identity. Few things will shut down intimacy quite like being criticized or controlled, and it is capable of immobilizing your emotional health and personal growth, especially within your relationship.

Nobody enjoys being criticized or picked apart, but it’s especially painful when your spouse – your soul mate – is the one being critical and hurtful to you. It’s demoralizing to be treated this way when you’re doing your best to make a contribution and add value to your relationship… but you get criticized instead of appreciated. Criticism can easily break a heart, and that’s a terrible place to be in your marriage.

What makes a person critical?

We often refer to critical people as “control freaks” or “high-maintenance people.” Control freaks are compelled to

Little Irritants

The toilet lid is up.

The toilet seat is up.

The toothpaste cap is off.

The toothpaste tube is squeezed all over.

The toilet paper hangs off the back.

The toilet paper hangs off the front.

Dirty dishes remain in the kitchen sink overnight.

We are only as big as the smallest thing that irritates us.

Professor Dr. Robert Alter, PhD, professor of Hebrew and comparative literature at the University of California, Berkeley, wrote in his 1984 book “The Art of Biblical Poetry” that a dialogue with “the voices of two lovers, praising each other, yearning for each other, proffering invitations to enjoy” the sensuous joys of sexuality and the encouraging dialogue of friends occurs in Song of Solomon, the unmistakably erotic book in the Bible.

Feminist Biblical scholar Dr. Jo Cheryl Exum, PhD, Professor Emeritus at the University of Sheffield, England, in an expository entitled “Song of Songs” in the 2012 book “Women’s Bible Commentary,” wrote in part that, “We do not know whether or not the situation – love, one-to-one relationship – allowed a certain freedom from social constraints, or whether the genre (love poetry) of the social setting (private rather than public life) accounts for the Song’s unique portrayal of mutuality in love, but in any event, the Song testifies to a world-view that included a vision of romance in which

Phubbing: What Is It, And How To Avoid It

Could Phubbing Be Secretly Ruining Your Marriage?
By Kylie Matthew

(This IS a problem. I see it all too often in my counseling practice. – Debbie Preece, MA)

New research suggests this pernicious problem is wrecking emotional havoc.

Do you spend more quality time with your phone than you do with your spouse? Are you compulsively checking for notifications and endlessly scrolling through your social media feeds while in the presence of your honey?

If this sounds like you, you may be one of millions of people experiencing what is a relatively new psychological condition known as ‘phubbing’ that, according to influential new research, may be slowly eroding your relationship with your partner.

Phone addiction is a ‘thing.’ Seriously

Phubbing is a portmanteau of ‘phone’ and ‘snubbing’ and occurs when conversation is interrupted by attention being given to a smart phone rather than the person you’re with. When it’s your loved one who bears the brunt of this compulsive action, it’s called phubbing – partner phone snubbing.

It’s a phenomenon directly resulting from the emergence of ‘phone addiction’ that, according to an extensive review of recent studies on the condition, is a problem tightly linked to unprecedented technological development over the past decade.

Unlike other forms of behavioral addiction such as gambling or gaming, in the same report it was noted that phone addiction seemingly affects young, extroverted women more than anyone else. (All ages and sexes are vulnerable.)

This isn’t surprising according to one of Australia’s foremost experts on relationships. “This is

Research: For Older Adults To Get Smarter, They Should Have More Sex

Research Shows Sex Is Good For Your Brain, Cognitive Function & Mental Health

So, Are You Fucking Smarter Every Fucking Day?

Maybe. 

Could you be fucking stupid? If you are, then stop. Fuck someone smarter.

But, there’s a catch.

Fucking stupid may be good for your AND your partner’s brain. So fucking stupid might not be so fucking stupid.

Perhaps that may explain why some people in America are so fucking stupid. They’re not fucking. Hence, they’re fucking stupid.

Writing in Forbes, David DiSalvo cited a study of adults aged 50-83 which found that

National Sex Day Was June 9th: Are You Getting Any?

June 9th was National Sex Day.

Did you miss it?

While it certainly seems there’s more discussion and research about sex and sexuality now than ever before, there remains an alarming information gap between what science and researchers know, and what lay people know (first of a few unintended puns herein that seem to work). There are numerous good reasons to enjoy sexual intercourse, not the least of which is for what is contributes to one’s emotional well-being, and physical health.

Cindy M. Meston, Ph.D., Director of the University of Texas at Austin’s Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory noted that the hormone prolactin is released during orgasm, and is at naturally higher levels during sleep, suggesting that orgasms may help sleep. Psychology Professor Stuart Brody, Ph.D., and other researchers at the University of the West of Scotland found that people who had intercourse at least once over a period of two weeks managed stressful situations better. Researchers at Southern Illinois University‘s Headache Clinic found that half of female migraine sufferers reported relief after climaxing, because endorphins (so-called “feel good” hormones) released during orgasm closely resemble morphine in chemical structure. And with females, uterine contractions which occur naturally during orgasm also (to some extent) eliminate cramp-causing compounds during menstruation. And yes, it’s perfectly fine to have sexual intercourse during menstruation… despite what any religious texts may say otherwise.

Edith Lees & Havelock Ellis

“Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex.—So, at least, it seems to me.”

– Dr. Havelock Ellis, MD, July 1897,
general preface to “Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 1“

According to

How can you know if you’re in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?

Just because there’s no physical violence, does that mean a relationship isn’t abusive?

No.

The adage, “can’t see the forest for the trees” is particularly true in emotionally abusive relationships, and it’s not uncommon for men and women in them to be unable to identify the relationship as being abusive.

Why is that?

It goes back to 1973 and an unsuccessful bank robbery in Stockholm, Sweden in which two perpetrators – both repeat offender prisoners – took four hostages, three women and one man. Over the six days they were held, the hostages began to identify and sympathize with their captors.

Hostages in the Norrmalmstorg Kreditbanken bank vault, Stockholm, Sweden. The 1973 robbery gave rise to the term “Stockholm Syndrome” which characterized a scenario in which captives sympathized with their captors.

As the standoff was ending, police called for the hostages to come out first, but the four captives – who protected their abductors to the very end – refused. One female hostage, 23-year old Kristin Enmark, called out, “No, Jan and Clark go first—you’ll gun them down if we do! We want to leave with the robber!”

When police seized the gunmen, two female hostages cried sympathetically, “Don’t hurt them – they didn’t harm us!”

When interviewed by investigators and others following the crisis’ conclusion, the hostages reported fearing Law Enforcement Officers’ rescue effort attempts, and felt their captors were protecting them from harm. The bonds formed during that stand-off had become so strong that there were reports of one female hostage who had been engaged to be married to one of the kidnappers – which was later discovered to be false, though it is true that one hostage developed a Legal Defense Fund to help pay the perpetrators’ criminal defense costs.

Researcher Ian K.Mackenzie wrote
in “Journal For Police Crisis Negotiations”
that Stockholm Syndrome consisted of:
“strong emotional ties that develop between two persons
where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other.”

Psychological researchers utilizing the FBI’s Hostage Barricade Database System (HOBAS) – the only entity that compiles national statistics on crisis incidents (hostage, barricade, and/or suicide) which are used in research and decision making – found that

Batteries Not Included

Needing some batteries – AAA & 9v – for some handheld electronic gizmos, I stopped in at the nearby Batteries+Plus store.

While checking out, I asked the clerk if sales were strong today, and remarked, “Moms need batteries too!”

With a wink and a nod, he knowingly acknowledged innuendo in my remark with a smile and a laugh.

“You know,” I said, “we never think of our mothers as sexual beings, and yet…”

How to Keep Sex Fun

Matters of relationships, marriage, or sexuality don’t often appear herein, but there are occasions in which they do. It’s somewhat like a PSA (Public Service Announcement), not often heard, but occasionally beneficial and necessary for select and interested parties. It is in that perspective that I offer the following.

Enjoy!

—

How to Keep Sex Fun

by Gary and Barbara Rosberg

During an interview with Christian sex therapists Clifford and Joyce Penner, e-Harmony founder Neil Clark Warren asked, “What percentage of couples can attain a mutually satisfying sexual relationship?” The Penners responded, “100 percent of them. We’ve never worked with a single married couple whom we felt were incapable of attaining a high level of sexual satisfaction with each other.”

Couples often ask us how to keep the excitement in sex. Our answer: Stay connected. Being connected body to body and heart to heart is what makes sex fulfilling and fun. Here are 13 ways you and your spouse can have more passion.

1. Kiss deeply.
Do you remember the kind of kissing you did when you first fell in love? Do you still kiss that deeply and passionately? Rediscover passionate kissing. Take your time. Enjoy the touch and taste of each other’s lips.

2. Bask in the afterglow.
Savor the closeness you feel after having sex. Stay in each other’s arms. Tell your spouse how good it felt and how much you love him or her. This is one of the most intimate times as a couple.

3. Become a student of your spouse’s sexual zones.
One episode of the sitcom Friends dealt with the different erogenous zones. The characters were discussing

Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships

By David Hill

Love. It’s right up there with air, food, and water as the most necessary of ingredients for existence. And yet it is one of the hardest things to find, and perhaps an even harder thing to hold on to.

The truth is you’re not perfect, and neither is your spouse. But you can be perfectly imperfect together. In Wabi Sabi Love, international bestselling author and relationship expert Arielle Ford applies the wisdom of Wabi Sabi-the ancient Japanese idea of illuminating the beauty in imperfection-to love relationships. Wabi Sabi Love is the practice of exploring, embracing, and cherishing the quirks, irritations, and limitations that make you and your partner unique and that form your shared history as a couple.

Wabi Sabi Love provides the tools to see yourself, your partner, and your partnership in an entirely new light, develop a deep and profound appreciation for each other, and experience more balance, harmony, and joy in your relationship than ever before. Wabi Sabi Love teaches you to:
• Turn conflict into connection and differences into mutual passions
• Move from “annoyed” to “enjoyed”
• Establish new beliefs and habits that better serve your relationship
• Cultivate humor, humility, and generosity to diffuse those moments when you would     normally retreat or slip into tired judgments, criticisms, or resentments

Here is one of the stories you will find in this book:

Mrs. Lee’ Story
The cool, quiet room was overflowing with the grieving faces of friends and family as the funeral director invited Mrs. Lee up to the podium to speak.* The petite, elegant widow walked slowly to the front of the small chapel and calmly began her eulogy. “I am not going to sing praises for my late husband. Not today. Neither am I going to talk about how good he was.” Mrs. Lee’s eyes flashed. “Enough people have done that here.” She took a deep breath, allowing the air to fill her lungs before she continued. “Instead, I want to talk about some things that will make some of you feel a bit uncomfortable.”

Several people stopped fanning themselves and sat up a little straighter. “First off, I want to

The Different Ways Men and Women Communicate

by Stephen Martin and Victoria Costello

Although not uniformly present in all couples, gender differences in communication style and content preferences are common enough to wreak havoc in many marriages. It’s important to remember that these differences can make communication in marriage more difficult, but on their own they do not cause marital breakdowns. They can also lead to joy and delight if you recognize the differences and appreciate each other for them.

The Way Women Communicate

Research is now proving beyond a shadow of a doubt what you’ve probably known since you entered adolescence and began paying serious attention to the opposite sex: Men and women tend to talk for different reasons, and the two sexes process information differently.

Scientists have discovered that women really do hear more than men. Just think about the running debates that go on between spouses about the preferred volume of a TV or stereo. Then apply this principle to the tone used by a man and a woman in an argument. Which spouse is more likely to be impacted by a raised voice?

Fact

According to noted marriage researcher John Gottman, PhD, women are the ones who most often bring up difficult topics for discussion with their spouses, in fact 80 percent of the time. Gottman, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, notes that this communication dynamic is dominant in the “good” as well as the “bad” marriages he observes in controlled laboratory settings.

Neurologists also say that men see and perceive visual stimuli more clearly than women do. Think about maps and directions as an example. Then apply this principle to your facial expression during a difficult discussion with your husband. What is more likely to create distance: a calm, sympathetic expression or a scowl? An easier example might be how

Research: Waiting to have sex strengthens relationship

It’s not as if we’ve not heard this before. Our grandmothers, parents and others have known this for years. And, with varying degrees of success, some Christian fundamentalists have preached a gospel of delayed sexual gratification, albeit using a basis of fear – as in asserting that extramarital sexual activity before marriage is a sin against the Almighty, oneself and one’s partner. Whether or not that is the case is not the point in this research. And then, there are those who tacitly encourage all forms of sexual gratification, by asserting that to withhold oneself from sexual pleasure is an emotionally or psychologically damaging activity.

—

Couples who wait to have sex last longer in their relationships than those who jump straight into bed together

By James Nye

PUBLISHED: 14:02 EST, 23 December 2012 | UPDATED: 14:02 EST, 23 December 2012

New couples who jump into bed together on the first date do not last as long in relationships as those who wait a new study has revealed.

Using a sample of almost 11,000 unmarried people, Brigham Young University discovered a direct correlation between the length and strength of a partnership and the amount of time they took to have first have sex.

The study showed that those who waited to initiate sexual intimacy were found to have longer and more positive outcomes in their relationships while those who couldn’t help themselves reported that their dalliances struggled to last more than two years.

Couples who wait to get into bed together experience longer lasting relationships than those who do not a new study has found

‘Results suggested that waiting to initiate sexual intimacy in unmarried relationships was generally associated with positive outcomes,’ said the report authored published by the U.S. National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health.

‘This effect was strongly moderated by relationship length, with individuals who reported early sexual initiation reporting increasingly lower outcomes in relationships of longer than two years.’

The study examined four sexual-timing patterns: Having sex

Marriage Tips: A Healthy View of Conflict

Just as in our physical life, when we fall down, it’s because we lose our balance.

It’s not our sense of equilibrium that is lost – it may still be intact – but our physical bodies, the thing we use to communicate with the external world, has taken a spill.

It’s important to get back up, and to continue toward a path that leads to understanding.

Remember: It’s important to think about how you think.

—

Marriage Tips

Gaining a Healthy View of Conflict

By Tim and Joy Downs

The very presence of conflict in marriage is a source of embarrassment and even shame for Christian people.

Here are three revolutionary ideas – thoroughly Biblical ideas – that can change the way you look at conflict in marriage.

1. Marriage will not always be enjoyable.

Marriage workshops are dangerous places, and marriage is no different. Marriage is

Because sometimes, your marriage REALLY DOES suck.

Face it.

Life can have its moments.

And, those moments can try even the best of us.

Sure, there are some really trite sayings about life and relationships.

But unless you’ve been there, done that, and got the ratty, tattered tee-shirt to prove it, it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference.

And because divorce sucks and blows huge gnarly chunks.

—

Marriage Tips

But I Don’t Feel Like It

By Pam Farrel

I see it all the time as a counselor. We’ve all felt it: the “Hey, what about me?” syndrome. Sometimes it sneaks up on us when we feel that our emotional needs aren’t being met – and we resent it. Or maybe we have a hard-to-love spouse and we’re tired of trying to make things work. That’s when the “Hey, what about me?” syndrome hits. When does it come? It’s when we’re feeling sorry for ourselves – or just plain tired of trying – what can we do?

Choose.

Choose to make wise decisions.

Don’t rely on feelings or emotions when the going gets tough.

Our feelings don’t carry us to the right decisions; rather right decisions carry us to right emotions – and positive rewards. Here are a few ways you can exercise your will over your emotions:

Decide to take “divorce” out of your dictionary.

My husband, Bill, and I have counseled couples back to happiness from all kinds of crises: loss of a child, loss of a home, all kinds of addictions, affairs, and a whole lot

“…and they lived happily ever after,” for about two years. Then, the feelings wore off.

Emotions.

We all have them.

Sometimes, we feel good, sometimes bad.

Sometimes happy, sometimes sad.

Sometimes up, sometimes down.

Sometimes like a reed blown by the wind.

Yeah.

Love Love Love (Photo credit: Gregory Jordan)

That’s what emotions are.

Ever shifting sands, washed by the winds and waves of life.

Does that mean they’re bad?

Nope. Who doesn’t enjoy a vacation at the beach occasionally?

But

First, it’s all about the sex. Then, you learn you gotta’ get along. Here’s some help on the getting along part.

It’s been said concerning marriage, that folks are attracted to each other because they make each other horny – if for no other reason.

Then, they get married – ’cause they think 0ne another other “hot.” And, that they are. It’s a case of pure, raging hormones. “Estrogen calling testosterone… come in testosterone. Oh… there you are!”

The sex comes easy. Then, to stay married, they figure out and learn how to live with each other.

And that requires a whole lotta’ work and forgiveness.

How do we treat one another?

How do we want to be treated?

How do we need to be loved?

Marriage Guide for Busy Couples

By Ellen Wachtel, JD, PhD

Marriages start out tender and loving… but demanding careers and the daily job of running a home and raising children turn too many relationships into cold, methodical business arrangements.

As a marital therapist for more than 25 years, I’ve found that most couples have little time or energy for the complicated “relationship exercises” that are frequently suggested by some therapists. So I’ve developed very simple strategies built on basic truths about what makes love last. These strategies can be integrated easily into everyday life to reverse negative relationship patterns and build on positive ones.

They are effective even if just one spouse starts practicing them.

* Make your spouse feel good about himself/herself — and then your spouse will feel good about you. In strong, loving relationships, couples make ego-boosting comments to each other every day.

* Look for admirable qualities in your partner. It becomes too easy to

Is Cuddling Better Than Sex?

UK Marriage News, July 2011

Is a cuddle better than sex?

Don’t panic if the passion is gone.

New research says it’s hugs not hanky-panky that keeps couples together.
 According to new research, the frequency of cuddling is a far better indicator of the strength of a relationship than how often you’re swinging from the chandeliers says the Daily Mail. “Cuddling provides not just sensual pleasure, but also a feeling of comfort, security and companionship, all of which are just as important to a relationship as sex,” explains Paula Hall, relationship expert for online dating service Parship.

In fact, maintaining an intimate connection without the wild abandon of the hormonal early days can be vital for a happy relationship.

“The advantage of non-sexual intimacy is that

Sex Secrets of Happy Couples

Sometimes, we don’t think enough of our marital relationship, while at others, we think too much. Somewhere in the middle, there’s a happy land.

Ten Sex Secrets of Really Happy Couples

They don’t do it every day (whew!). They believe in quickies (yay!). Read on for other reassuring truths about what a sexually healthy marriage looks like.

The Practical Side to Commitment for Husbands & Wives

Periodically, in this blog I have shared tips for spouses – husbands & wives – to improve the quality of their marriage. Typically, those entries have been from other reputable sources, not merely my opinion, nor something from a popular consumer magazine that presents the relationship “flavor of the day.”

Love, it has been said, is a commitment – it is neither exclusively, nor merely a good feeling based upon a mutual attraction, sexual or otherwise. Because love is a commitment, there are certain things that one should do to honor and demonstrate the commitment. Oftentimes as well, those commitments have been unspoken – although they may occupy significant real estate silently in our imaginations. It is precisely those times that the unspoken should be spoken.

With an eye toward speaking the unspoken, I share with you the following.

List of 20 Absolute Face-to-Face Commitments

 By Paul D. Refior

Copyright 1994, 1998 and 2005

You will certainly agree that marriage is infinitely more than a list of do’s and don’ts.

Yet one of the problems these days is that so many couples fail or refuse to acknowledge important do’s and don’ts, and these couples do not make or fulfill important commitments and promises.

For the Men: Sexual Tips, Tricks and Hints Guaranteed to Make Her Happy!

Yeah.

Sex.

Okay.

Never thought you’d ever read about that here, now did you?

Read on.

#1: WET HANDS
Yep, it is the wet hands technique. Certainly one of the most popular among most women polled for this article. So simple. So exciting. You will leave her breathless.

Does it matter what we say? Yes, and don’t take it personally.

Sometimes, folks get an “I’m right and you’re wrong” mindset when they approach defending any subject. Naturally, that can tend to lead toward hurt feelings by one, both, or more parties. The way that typically happens is that someone, or both parties “take it

Why should you date your wife more after marriage?

Top Ten Reasons to Date Your Wife More Frequently

By Darwin Cover

The hecticness of work, community service projects, church activities and family often relegates a marriage relationship to the bottom of the list.

At times, it is necessary to give attention to others. It is also important to keep something else in mind: Your spouse is the one most likely to be with you when you are teetering around with a cane! With that in mind, take time to date your spouse regularly. Here are a few reasons why.

Marriage Tips

6 Ways to Develop Intimacy in Your Relationship

Excerpted from the book Road Warrior by Stephen Arterburn and Sam Gullucci

There are six external activities that can help you build a strong intimacy in your marriage and sustain you while you are on the road and separated.

1. Laughing Together

Laughter is a doorway to intimacy. It is like an instant vacation in a marriage and the best way to keep perspective when things go wrong. If you laugh together, you can cry together, and

Marriage Tips: Love Boosters for Women

From the beginning of time, marriage of a man and a woman, and the children that naturally result from that union, has created family, and continues to form the foundation of all societies the world over. We learn about relationships and how to treat others from our family. And it is to the benefit of every society to enrich the health of those foundations. Sometimes, it’s not the BIG THINGS that spoil love in marriage, as much as it is vitally important to “catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love,” of our marriage relationship.

As I have written previously,

Why We Should Make Sex a Priority

Periodically, I receive communication from the Madison County Coalition for Healthy Marriages.

In those various email messages numerous topics are discussed, all designed with the purpose of strengthening traditional marriage between a man and a woman.

And though I am not presently married, nor in a romantic relationship, I find those messages not only uplifting and encouraging, but with a common sense approach, as well.

The following message is another one of those common sense approaches. It’s about the sexual aspect of the marriage relationship.

In many marriages,

Them’s FIGHTIN’ words! – Audio Post

Sometimes, you REALLY just have to wonder!

I wonder… was it an intersextion or intersection?

It was OUT there, to be certain.