Warm Southern Breeze

"… there is no such thing as nothing."

Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

Discover The Mystery of You

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Sunday, June 24, 2018

Each newborn child is a mystery about to unfold in the world. And there is always the potential for joy and pain, great good or tremendous misery. To a great extent, much of what the child becomes is contained in the context of the family: Its resources, stability, and Read the rest of this entry »

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Love is Like a Greased Pig

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Saturday, May 26, 2018

Love is Like a Greased Pig

By Mark Gungor

“I just don’t feel what I used to feel for you.”
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore.”
“I believe I’ve found my soul mate…and it isn’t you.”
Or as the Righteous Brothers sang, “You’ve lost that loving feeling.”

However people want to word it, the bottom line is this: The fabulous and intense experience of our early love isn’t there anymore. I guess it wasn’t true love after all.

In the wonderful movie classic, The Princess Bride, the cotton-mouthed, speech-challenged priest talks about “true love” (Or “twuuuu wuv” as he says it!) at the wedding ceremony of Princess Buttercup and Prince Humperdink. He states that true love will follow you forever. While it makes for a great movie line, in reality it is a bunch of nonsense. True love doesn’t follow you like a little puppy that is constantly there. It’s actually more like a greased pig! You have to chase after it and pursue it. You have to run it down and tackle it and when it gets away, you go after it one more time. You may finally get a hold of it for a while, but then the little rascal can slip away and you have to chase it down again.

I know, I know—a greased pig isn’t all that romantic of an analogy to use, but it surely is more realistic and more accurate! Men and women who ascribe to all this romantic fantasy stuff will be sorely disappointed. So many people actually think that love and marriage will always be easy; that it will always be a skip through the meadow with birds chirping and butterflies flitting and the orchestra playing in the background. They think that the emotional high and buzz they experience at the beginning of dating or marriage will always be there. “Our love is true love and it will never fade!” That’s why so many people become disillusioned once they get into marriage—and sometimes it doesn’t take very long at all. They think that they have “fallen out of love” with their spouse once the flames of passion begin to die down to a smoldering ember.

Of course, our feelings change over time. There is no way that the initial euphoria can go on and on. It gives way to a deeper and more mature kind of love. The stages of marriage have been well documented in the research. That initial high that people experience at the onset usually only lasts six months to two years. Once the buzz is gone, the mistake that people often make is to allow their “feelings” to dictate their actions. They don’t feel that rush of emotion that they associated with love in the beginning and therefore, they assume they aren’t in love any more. Then naturally, since they don’t feel love, they reason (wrongly) that they must be true to their feelings. As a result, many Read the rest of this entry »

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Support Gentle, Loving Relationships

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Tuesday, May 22, 2018

If you knew you would be canonized a saint and could choose your patronage now, for what cause would you cheerfully accept intercessions? Be careful in your selection: Saints become the patrons of causes they know all too well. Rita of Cascia is the patron saint of Read the rest of this entry »

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Do Something Useful

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Sunday, May 20, 2018

Be honest: Do you think prayer is useful? While we might describe the act of Read the rest of this entry »

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Are You A Lazy Lover?

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Monday, April 2, 2018

How lazy are you?

Most would confess to sitting or lying around every now and then, even regularly, and doing nothing in order to relax and unwind. No dishes, no laundry, no shopping, no cooking, no house cleaning, no errands, no lawn or garden work – no matter how pleasurable, just sitting around – maybe even in loungewear, or less – and simply doing nothing but watch teevee, eat snacks, and drink.

Even a day, or two, of such doing-nothingness, or “vegetating,” can be rejuvenating. After all, the ethic of six days of work, and resting on the seventh, has significant long-standing in almost every society and culture worldwide.

And in actuality, little, if anything, is ever made of anyone who does that, even with calculable regularity. But the person who does that habitually, justifiably earns our ire, and they are few, and far between.

No one would imagine calling anyone “lazy” who regularly took a day or two of such relaxation. But consider this: Even if in the small seemingly inconsequential things we do nothing, we run the risk of active destruction. Here’s what I mean.

At its core, that concept is somewhat similar to the term Read the rest of this entry »

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Get Your Passport Stamped

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Sunday, November 26, 2017

The man often called the “good thief” turned his life around in the final hour when he encountered Jesus on the cross at Golgotha. One good act of Read the rest of this entry »

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Refraining From Negative Personal Criticism

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Saturday, August 12, 2017

Do you ever negatively criticize people? Perhaps even, those closest to you – meaning loved ones, and dear friends?

Why is it that such seems to be the case, more often, than not?

To refrain from negatively criticizing people is a loving decision that I’ve made which respects people.

It doesn’t mean that I always agree with their decisions, but it allows Read the rest of this entry »

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Bitter Criticism Is Like Cyanide To Relationships

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Most people muddle through life without ever thinking about what they do, why they respond the way they do, how they can become better people, improve their emotional stability, change they way they respond, or increase their understanding of others or their relationships with them.

Why?

It’s not as if people are born as experts on themselves or human relationships. And merely “being oneself” is no guarantee of anything remotely resembling self understanding.

It’s important to talk about how we feel, and what we think without negative criticism from each other. Open lines of communication are imperative to maintaining and nourishing relationships. Communication must be ongoing, open, honest, and without strident tones and condemnation.

It would seem reasonable then, to seek understanding not only about oneself, but about others, and relationships, and to endeavor to improve oneself and one’s relationships with others… especially and particularly familial and spousal relationships. Could it be that bilateral lack of such effort – aka LAZINESS – is responsible for the increase in divorce rates in America? For lack of genuine emotional intimacy? Lack of sexual intimacy? Lack of proper parenting?

People are not born smart. We’re born stupid. It’s a choice to remain that way.

—//—

“People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.”
– Gary Chapman

It’s Not Me, It’s You: Why Criticism Poisons Happy Marriages By Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott 

Criticism is an insidious behavior that comes into marriage and eats at the core of our identity. Few things will shut down intimacy quite like being criticized or controlled, and it is capable of immobilizing your emotional health and personal growth, especially within your relationship.

Nobody enjoys being criticized or picked apart, but it’s especially painful when your spouse – your soul mate – is the one being critical and hurtful to you. It’s demoralizing to be treated this way when you’re doing your best to make a contribution and add value to your relationship… but you get criticized instead of appreciated. Criticism can easily break a heart, and that’s a terrible place to be in your marriage.

What makes a person critical?

We often refer to critical people as “control freaks” or “high-maintenance people.” Control freaks are compelled to Read the rest of this entry »

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Little Irritants

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Friday, July 14, 2017

The toilet lid is up.

The toilet seat is up.

The toothpaste cap is off.

The toothpaste tube is squeezed all over.

The toilet paper hangs off the back.

The toilet paper hangs off the front.

Dirty dishes remain in the kitchen sink overnight.

We are only as big as the smallest thing that irritates us.

Professor Dr. Robert Alter, PhD, professor of Hebrew and comparative literature at the University of California, Berkeley, wrote in his 1984 book “The Art of Biblical Poetry” that a dialogue with “the voices of two lovers, praising each other, yearning for each other, proffering invitations to enjoy” the sensuous joys of sexuality and the encouraging dialogue of friends occurs in Song of Solomon, the unmistakably erotic book in the Bible.

Feminist Biblical scholar Dr. Jo Cheryl Exum, PhD, Professor Emeritus at the University of Sheffield, England, in an expository entitled “Song of Songs” in the 2012 book “Women’s Bible Commentary,” wrote in part that, “We do not know whether or not the situation – love, one-to-one relationship – allowed a certain freedom from social constraints, or whether the genre (love poetry) of the social setting (private rather than public life) accounts for the Song’s unique portrayal of mutuality in love, but in any event, the Song testifies to a world-view that included a vision of romance in which Read the rest of this entry »

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Phubbing: What Is It, And How To Avoid It

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Could Phubbing Be Secretly Ruining Your Marriage?
By Kylie Matthew

(This IS a problem. I see it all too often in my counseling practice. – Debbie Preece, MA)

New research suggests this pernicious problem is wrecking emotional havoc.

Do you spend more quality time with your phone than you do with your spouse? Are you compulsively checking for notifications and endlessly scrolling through your social media feeds while in the presence of your honey?

If this sounds like you, you may be one of millions of people experiencing what is a relatively new psychological condition known as ‘phubbing’ that, according to influential new research, may be slowly eroding your relationship with your partner.

Phone addiction is a ‘thing.’ Seriously

Phubbing is a portmanteau of ‘phone’ and ‘snubbing’ and occurs when conversation is interrupted by attention being given to a smart phone rather than the person you’re with. When it’s your loved one who bears the brunt of this compulsive action, it’s called phubbing – partner phone snubbing.

It’s a phenomenon directly resulting from the emergence of ‘phone addiction’ that, according to an extensive review of recent studies on the condition, is a problem tightly linked to unprecedented technological development over the past decade.

Unlike other forms of behavioral addiction such as gambling or gaming, in the same report it was noted that phone addiction seemingly affects young, extroverted women more than anyone else. (All ages and sexes are vulnerable.)

This isn’t surprising according to one of Australia’s foremost experts on relationships. “This is Read the rest of this entry »

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Batteries Not Included

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Sunday, May 14, 2017

Needing some batteries – AAA & 9v – for some handheld electronic gizmos, I stopped in at the nearby Batteries+Plus store.

While checking out, I asked the clerk if sales were strong today, and remarked, “Moms need batteries too!”

With a wink and a nod, he knowingly acknowledged innuendo in my remark with a smile and a laugh.

“You know,” I said, “we never think of our mothers as sexual beings, and yet…” Read the rest of this entry »

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Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Thursday, July 31, 2014

Wabi Sabi Love:
The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships

By David Hill

Love. It’s right up there with air, food, and water as the most necessary of ingredients for existence. And yet it is one of the hardest things to find, and perhaps an even harder thing to hold on to.

The truth is you’re not perfect, and neither is your spouse. But you can be perfectly imperfect together. In Wabi Sabi Love, international bestselling author and relationship expert Arielle Ford applies the wisdom of Wabi Sabi-the ancient Japanese idea of illuminating the beauty in imperfection-to love relationships. Wabi Sabi Love is the practice of exploring, embracing, and cherishing the quirks, irritations, and limitations that make you and your partner unique and that form your shared history as a couple.

Wabi Sabi Love provides the tools to see yourself, your partner, and your partnership in an entirely new light, develop a deep and profound appreciation for each other, and experience more balance, harmony, and joy in your relationship than ever before. Wabi Sabi Love teaches you to:
• Turn conflict into connection and differences into mutual passions
• Move from “annoyed” to “enjoyed”
• Establish new beliefs and habits that better serve your relationship
• Cultivate humor, humility, and generosity to diffuse those moments when you would     normally retreat or slip into tired judgments, criticisms, or resentments

Here is one of the stories you will find in this book:

Mrs. Lee’ Story
The cool, quiet room was overflowing with the grieving faces of friends and family as the funeral director invited Mrs. Lee up to the podium to speak.* The petite, elegant widow walked slowly to the front of the small chapel and calmly began her eulogy. “I am not going to sing praises for my late husband. Not today. Neither am I going to talk about how good he was.” Mrs. Lee’s eyes flashed. “Enough people have done that here.” She took a deep breath, allowing the air to fill her lungs before she continued. “Instead, I want to talk about some things that will make some of you feel a bit uncomfortable.”

Several people stopped fanning themselves and sat up a little straighter. “First off, I want to Read the rest of this entry »

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The Different Ways Men and Women Communicate

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, July 30, 2014

The Different Ways Men and Women Communicate

by Stephen Martin and Victoria Costello

Although not uniformly present in all couples, gender differences in communication style and content preferences are common enough to wreak havoc in many marriages. It’s important to remember that these differences can make communication in marriage more difficult, but on their own they do not cause marital breakdowns. They can also lead to joy and delight if you recognize the differences and appreciate each other for them.

The Way Women Communicate

Research is now proving beyond a shadow of a doubt what you’ve probably known since you entered adolescence and began paying serious attention to the opposite sex: Men and women tend to talk for different reasons, and the two sexes process information differently.

Scientists have discovered that women really do hear more than men. Just think about the running debates that go on between spouses about the preferred volume of a TV or stereo. Then apply this principle to the tone used by a man and a woman in an argument. Which spouse is more likely to be impacted by a raised voice?

Fact

According to noted marriage researcher John Gottman, PhD, women are the ones who most often bring up difficult topics for discussion with their spouses, in fact 80 percent of the time. Gottman, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, notes that this communication dynamic is dominant in the “good” as well as the “bad” marriages he observes in controlled laboratory settings.

Neurologists also say that men see and perceive visual stimuli more clearly than women do. Think about maps and directions as an example. Then apply this principle to your facial expression during a difficult discussion with your husband. What is more likely to create distance: a calm, sympathetic expression or a scowl? An easier example might be how Read the rest of this entry »

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Research: Waiting to have sex strengthens relationship

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Monday, December 31, 2012

It’s not as if we’ve not heard this before. Our grandmothers, parents and others have known this for years. And, with varying degrees of success, some Christian fundamentalists have preached a gospel of delayed sexual gratification, albeit using a basis of fear – as in asserting that extramarital sexual activity before marriage is a sin against the Almighty, oneself and one’s partner. Whether or not that is the case is not the point in this research. And then, there are those who tacitly encourage all forms of sexual gratification, by asserting that to withhold oneself from sexual pleasure is an emotionally or psychologically damaging activity.

Couples who wait to have sex last longer in their relationships than those who jump straight into bed together

By James Nye

PUBLISHED: 14:02 EST, 23 December 2012 | UPDATED: 14:02 EST, 23 December 2012

New couples who jump into bed together on the first date do not last as long in relationships as those who wait a new study has revealed.

Using a sample of almost 11,000 unmarried people, Brigham Young University discovered a direct correlation between the length and strength of a partnership and the amount of time they took to have first have sex.

The study showed that those who waited to initiate sexual intimacy were found to have longer and more positive outcomes in their relationships while those who couldn’t help themselves reported that their dalliances struggled to last more than two years.

Couples who wait to get into bed together experience longer lasting relationships than those who do not a new study has foundCouples who wait to get into bed together experience longer lasting relationships than those who do not a new study has found

‘Results suggested that waiting to initiate sexual intimacy in unmarried relationships was generally associated with positive outcomes,’ said the report authored published by the U.S. National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health.

‘This effect was strongly moderated by relationship length, with individuals who reported early sexual initiation reporting increasingly lower outcomes in relationships of longer than two years.’

The study examined four sexual-timing patterns: Having sex Read the rest of this entry »

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Marriage Tips: A Healthy View of Conflict

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Just as in our physical life, when we fall down, it’s because we lose our balance.

It’s not our sense of equilibrium that is lost – it may still be intact – but our physical bodies, the thing we use to communicate with the external world, has taken a spill.

It’s important to get back up, and to continue toward a path that leads to understanding.

Remember: It’s important to think about how you think.

Marriage Tips

Gaining a Healthy View of Conflict

By Tim and Joy Downs

The very presence of conflict in marriage is a source of embarrassment and even shame for Christian people.

Here are three revolutionary ideas – thoroughly Biblical ideas – that can change the way you look at conflict in marriage.

1. Marriage will not always be enjoyable.

Marriage workshops are dangerous places, and marriage is no different. Marriage is Read the rest of this entry »

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