Dialogue With A Friend

In a pure-hearted effort to be encouraging, a friend shared with me some thoughts as follows:

Someone Greater

There’s a battle happening all around us—a battle for your heart, your mind, and your soul. A battle that’s not only physical, but also spiritual. A battle with literal enemies who impact the seen and unseen world.

John wrote:

“But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.”
1 John 4:4 NLT

Yes, we are in a real battle.
Yes, we have a real enemy.
Yes, the kingdom of darkness is constantly fighting against the kingdom of light.

But for those who are trusting in the finished work of Christ, greater is the One living inside of us than the one who is living in this world.

We have a real Savior.
This story isn’t close to over.
The kingdom of darkness will never prevail against the kingdom of light.

Our enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. To pervert, manipulate, and confuse, distract, divide, and disable.

But God is greater than the doubts that clutter your mind, the enemies that frustrate your plans, the heart-wrenching and even soul-crushing situation that’s currently consuming your thoughts.

You can fight from a place of victory because the battle has already been won.

Jesus has already conquered death. And now, while we wait for others to come to salvation and for God to bring all things to completion under Christ’s authority, we can fight with a confident hope.

There’s a battle happening all around us—a battle for your heart, for your mind, for your soul. But greater is the One living inside of you than the one who is living in this world.

The gesture was appreciated, and accepted in the milieu in which it was given. After all, that’s what friends do: They love one another, encourage, and help one another as an expression of that love.

None of that message was alien to me, and there have been seemingly countless times in which I have heard, or read such a message, using those exact terms, phrases, and expressions.

And, as friends do, a response was crafted as follows:

Have you ever heard of the now-defunct comic strip by Walt Kelly called Pogo? It was syndicated from 1948-75, set in Georgia’s portion of the Okefenokee Swamp, and was primarily political satire, but included comedic social commentary, as well.

If not, don’t worry; I’m about to succinctly describe one frame.

The protagonist, a possum, for whom the strip was named, makes a remark saying.

Love Is Not Like That

(Previously titled: Thoughts on Religious “Free Will”)

Recently, in conversation with friends over the evening meal (supper) at a nearby restaurant, a comment was made observing something to the effect of recent global events, specifically, Iraqi uprisings in that nation, which in turn quickly segued into a remark by that same one, which was something to the effect of “the LORD is doing wonderful things in that nation,” or very similar.

About two days later, in conversation with another different friend, I shared that experience, and the remarks, and commented that, “You know, it’s as if the people who say things like that are proud of their god, as it like they trained it. ‘Attaboy, god! You go! You’re doing such a good job! We’re proud of you!’ It’s as if they’re praising a child for doing something good, proper, or right.”

Additional remarks might be something like, ‘There you go, god! You’re doing a good job! Keep up the good work! You’re doing SO MUCH BETTER! Earlier, you weren’t worth a shit… but NOW!?! You’re doing FANTASTIC work!’

You see how absurd that is?

If a person has a god which is an omniscient, omnipotent being, why would that one need praise? It’s wholly, entirely, and totally absurd. People only praise those whom are doing things they approve of, and who have some semblance of commonality – who share an often-unifying common bond – either by sharing national origin, or some other similar factor.

Praise the astronauts who were the volunteer human subjects who sat atop rockets destined (hopefully) for outer space, for their heroic actions, and intestinal fortitude. But, they were mere men, as well. It’s the same thing for firefighters, who, instead of running out of a burning building, rush headlong INTO it.

It’s totally contrary to what our natural instincts (the preservation of life) are.

And yet, some even died in those processes – of space exploration, and saving others’ lives and property.

And if they survive, all of them age, and eventually later die.

And by golly, if a god is all that and a bag of chips, what’s the point?

Seriously.

Heaping praise for an omniscient, omnipotent being from those who are utterly the epitome of stupidity?

C’mon…

If that’s not a case of putting the cart before the horse, I don’t know what is.

It’d be like having a child heaping praise upon Albert Einstein (1879-1955) for developing the Theory of Relativity, or praising Robert Boyle (1627-1691) for discovering Boyle’s Law, or congratulating Italian scientist Amedeo Avogadro (1776-1856) for discovering Avogadro’s number/constant.

It’s utterly inconsistent with the idea of praise for congratulations, adulation, or adoration to come from below. Properly, praise comes from above. Your boss, or supervisor praises you. Or, even a colleague praises you. But hardly ever does an inferior praise a superior. While it does, and has happened, it’s certainly not the norm.

But again, I digress.

The point I had hoped to express was about the idea of “free will” as often expressed by Baptists, and other right-wing extremist Christian faith traditions.

Over supper, I expressed my thoughts to the friend, that I

Bitter Criticism Is Like Cyanide To Relationships

Most people muddle through life without ever thinking about what they do, why they respond the way they do, how they can become better people, improve their emotional stability, change they way they respond, or increase their understanding of others or their relationships with them.

Why?

It’s not as if people are born as experts on themselves or human relationships. And merely “being oneself” is no guarantee of anything remotely resembling self understanding.

It’s important to talk about how we feel, and what we think without negative criticism from each other. Open lines of communication are imperative to maintaining and nourishing relationships. Communication must be ongoing, open, honest, and without strident tones and condemnation.

It would seem reasonable then, to seek understanding not only about oneself, but about others, and relationships, and to endeavor to improve oneself and one’s relationships with others… especially and particularly familial and spousal relationships. Could it be that bilateral lack of such effort – aka LAZINESS – is responsible for the increase in divorce rates in America? For lack of genuine emotional intimacy? Lack of sexual intimacy? Lack of proper parenting?

People are not born smart. We’re born stupid. It’s a choice to remain that way.

—//—

“People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.”
– Gary Chapman

It’s Not Me, It’s You: Why Criticism Poisons Happy Marriages By Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott 

Criticism is an insidious behavior that comes into marriage and eats at the core of our identity. Few things will shut down intimacy quite like being criticized or controlled, and it is capable of immobilizing your emotional health and personal growth, especially within your relationship.

Nobody enjoys being criticized or picked apart, but it’s especially painful when your spouse – your soul mate – is the one being critical and hurtful to you. It’s demoralizing to be treated this way when you’re doing your best to make a contribution and add value to your relationship… but you get criticized instead of appreciated. Criticism can easily break a heart, and that’s a terrible place to be in your marriage.

What makes a person critical?

We often refer to critical people as “control freaks” or “high-maintenance people.” Control freaks are compelled to

Be A Model

Saints Joachim and Anne, Parents of the Virgin Mary

Remember when you first realized that you were becoming like your mother? Or turning out to be just like your father? Kids do tend to grow up to be like their parents. Just like Mary’s parents, Joachim and Anne, were the good ground from which the seed of goodness grew, we can

A Father’s Day Essay

This year, 2014, my Pop will begin his 82d year of life in good health.

I am blessed, fortunate, happy and to be envied to have him with me now. Some of my peers’ fathers have been long departed.

A friend once said to me that “we never truly become men until our father dies.” In that sense, I suppose I’m still a youth… even though my teen years have been long departed.

My Dad – When he looked at this photo, he said with a smile, “Who’s that? I’m going to have to get a new mirror!” I love my Pop. He’s a swell fellow – a real gentleman – with quite a life’s story! Raised in poverty in rural West Alabama, he knows how to pick cotton by hand, remembers when electricity came to his family’s house, the electrician’s name who wired their house, and so many other hard-scrabble stories of a life unknown to many of us in this day & age.

My dad is a Southern man. Having grown up in abject poverty in rural West Alabama, he was not merely acquainted with “everything but the squeal,” but was intimately familiar with a very real daily struggle for existence, where food was precious, and life even more so.

On occasion, I still hear him recall with utter amazement how much food he saw wasted – literally thrown into the garbage at San Diego Naval Station – where he attended Basic Training before shipping off to serve in the Korean War aboard the U.S.S. Juneau – CLAA-119, also known as “The Galloping Ghost of the Korean coast.” To his then-18-year-old eyes it was a culture shock which he remembers to this day. In his first day there, he saw more food thrown away than he had ever seen in his still-tender life. The adage “waste not, want not” is practically embedded into his DNA.

For those unfamiliar with the term “everything but the squeal,” it refers to the use of every part of the hog for food, and material. Nothing would be wasted. The fat would be rendered into lard, some of the meat would be preserved by smoking, while some parts were made into sausage. It was also time in which neighbors would help one another in the preparation of the animal. (If you’re interested in seeing & reading about some of the various aspects of hog butchering, see here.) It was only many years later that electricity came to my dad’s house – and he remembers the electrician’s name, and date the house was wired.

I recall tales he shared with me of his youth of “hog killing time,” which refers to the first enduring snap of cold weather, which was the proper time to slaughter a hog because the preservation of it’s parts would be more readily facilitated. That is, spoilage would be significantly reduced, because it could be stored in cooler conditions. Their “refrigerator” was an ice box – literally. ‘What’s an ice box?,’ you may ask. An ice box is literally a box into which a 100 pound block of ice was placed to cool food items. Not many items, mind you, because the creek was still a location where food items which readily spoiled were placed. Milk, dairy, meat and select other foods were regularly stored in a special box made to keep critters out, and keep food cool by the running water.

Naturally, not having electricity also meant that the meals were prepared in a “wood cook stove,” literally an implement which had to be tended night and day by his mother to prepare the family meals. Temperature regulation was achieved by moderating the amount of wood, the type of wood (seasoned dry or unseasoned green), and the variety of wood (species, such as oak, hickory, pecan, birch, pine, etc.).

Suffice it to say, his was a hard scrabble life. And it’s certainly neither joke nor exaggeration to say that they were so poor, someone had to come from Washington to tell them there was a Great Depression going on!

Dad honored his father and mother. He was

A Not-so Surprising Prescription for Economic Recovery: Get Married, Stay Married

It’s difficult to argue with the facts.

But perhaps we should be asking ourselves this question: “Why are we doing this?”

Is this not a type of suicide?

Would it not be insane for us to NOT promote “best practice” activities?

Would it not be ludicrous for us to NOT tell someone that danger lies ahead if they embarked upon a particular path, course of action or behavior?

No one in their right mind would ever say that we loved or cared for that person precisely because we simply failed to warn them. For indeed, though we may say that we do love them, we do not behave as if we do, because love is not in words only.

In fact, love cannot exist in words only.

Love exists in evidence, and in abundance of action.

—

The single-mom catastrophe

The demise of two-parent families in the U.S. has been an economic catastrophe for society.

Op-Ed
By Kay S. Hymowitz
June 3, 2012

The single-mother revolution shouldn’t need much introduction. It started in the 1960s when the nation began to sever the historical connection between marriage and childbearing and to turn single motherhood and the fatherless family into a viable, even welcome, arrangement for children and for society. The reasons for the shift were many, including the sexual revolution, a powerful strain of

On Marriage, Human Relations, and Society

At it’s core, marriage is a state of human affairs permitted and governed by the state.

In this context, the word “state” refers to governmental authority. Governmental authority in the United States is defined as being the will of the people as determined by the ballot.

Why does the state regulate human affairs?

It is because of an overriding sense of justice, an overwhelming sense of right and wrong. It is because to “do wrong by” another person is a transgression of an inherent social contract that occurs at the very core of humanity, one which is by its very nature unspoken, yet fully known in the human heart.

Why, for example, on any playground the world over, can we

Infant Formula Linked to Obesity

It’s official!

Here is yet another reason to AVOID using baby formula, and use the God-given, all-natural, built-in, milk-producing, baby-feeding device known as the “breast”!

The reader should take careful note to the headline I wrote, versus the headline the other news writer chose. It may be a fine line to discern, but as you’ll read, you will understand why I chose mine – which I believe accurate. The other headline is misleading.

“The timing of solid foods didn’t increase the odds of becoming obese in youngsters who were breast-fed,” but infants who stopped breast feeding before 4 months, or were not breast fed at all were “linked to a sixfold increase in the risk of obesity.”

Ten Great Tips for 2011: #1

As promised, here is the first of “Ten Great Tips for 2011!”

Quincy Jones: “Being a good parent” is top priority.

What’s it like to have your priorities in order?

Ask Quincy Jones.

At the recent American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers’ annual “I Create Music” expo at the Hollywood Renaissance Hotel last Friday night (23 April 2010), the 77-year old producer said while it’s been a “blessing” to have worked with “every major artist of the 20th century,” his most important jobs is “being a good parent.”

During the hour long conversation/interview with pop music entertainer “Ludacris,” Mr. Jones