Emotional Suicide, Anyone?

 We are told in today’s reading (Matthew 18:21-35) that the unforgiving servant will be “tortured” for failing to forgive another, after having been forgiven himself. Because a parable is a symbolic way of talking about a profound truth, we can take the word tortured metaphorically and ask, “In what way are we ‘tortured’ when we fail to forgive?” Failing to forgive makes us hostage to our hurt. Unable to move on, we become captives, prisoners to our own resentment. Unwilling to accept the imperfections of others, we can become

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Bitter Criticism Is Like Cyanide To Relationships

Most people muddle through life without ever thinking about what they do, why they respond the way they do, how they can become better people, improve their emotional stability, change they way they respond, or increase their understanding of others or their relationships with them.

Why?

It’s not as if people are born as experts on themselves or human relationships. And merely “being oneself” is no guarantee of anything remotely resembling self understanding.

It’s important to talk about how we feel, and what we think without negative criticism from each other. Open lines of communication are imperative to maintaining and nourishing relationships. Communication must be ongoing, open, honest, and without strident tones and condemnation.

It would seem reasonable then, to seek understanding not only about oneself, but about others, and relationships, and to endeavor to improve oneself and one’s relationships with others… especially and particularly familial and spousal relationships. Could it be that bilateral lack of such effort – aka LAZINESS – is responsible for the increase in divorce rates in America? For lack of genuine emotional intimacy? Lack of sexual intimacy? Lack of proper parenting?

People are not born smart. We’re born stupid. It’s a choice to remain that way.

—//—

“People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.”
– Gary Chapman

It’s Not Me, It’s You: Why Criticism Poisons Happy Marriages By Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott 

Criticism is an insidious behavior that comes into marriage and eats at the core of our identity. Few things will shut down intimacy quite like being criticized or controlled, and it is capable of immobilizing your emotional health and personal growth, especially within your relationship.

Nobody enjoys being criticized or picked apart, but it’s especially painful when your spouse – your soul mate – is the one being critical and hurtful to you. It’s demoralizing to be treated this way when you’re doing your best to make a contribution and add value to your relationship… but you get criticized instead of appreciated. Criticism can easily break a heart, and that’s a terrible place to be in your marriage.

What makes a person critical?

We often refer to critical people as “control freaks” or “high-maintenance people.” Control freaks are compelled to

Keep Your Horse And Your Heart Healthy: A How To Guide

In the late-1970s, a pioneering medication was discovered in Japan which was made from a single microorganism.

Isolated at the Kitasato Intitute, Tokyo, Japan, it came from a single Japanese soil sample, and has had an immeasurably beneficial impact in improving the lives and welfare of billions of people worldwide. And, despite continued research since, it has only been found in Japan.

While it was originally introduced as a veterinary medication and found to kill a phenomenally wide range of internal and external parasites in livestock and companion animals, it was quickly discovered to be ideal in combating two of the world’s most devastating and disfiguring diseases which have plagued the world’s poor throughout tropical regions for centuries. It’s now being used free-of-charge as the exclusive tool in campaigns to eliminate both diseases globally, and has also been used to successfully overcome several other human diseases, with new uses for it continually being found.

Few medications can seriously lay claim to the title of ‘Wonder Drug’, and penicillin and aspirin are two that have perhaps had the greatest beneficial effect on the health and well-being of Humankind. But this medication can also be considered alongside those worthy contenders, based on its versatility, safety and the beneficial impact that it has had, and continues to have, worldwide — especially on hundreds of millions of the world’s poorest people.

The medication treats

Bullying: Yes, it’s real, and yes, you have ultimate power over bullies.

In the past couple days, in the course of my reading on Professional Nursing Development & other healthcare related topics, I’ve also read about forgiveness.

Nurse bullying is a real thing. It’s tragic, of course, that it exists, but it does exist, and is probably more common than some imagine.

So we’ve moved from forgiveness to bullying, eh?

No… not really.

Here’s why not.

Bullying is never acceptable behavior.

Bullying, of course, is threatening and intimidating behavior used as a manipulative technique by someone who wants to force themselves, their ways, or opinions, on another person. And because Nursing is an exceedingly Female-dominated profession, that means that for the most part, Females are the ones doing bullying in Nurse bullying cases & scenarios.

And to be certain, bullying can occur in any human relationship, personal or business-to-business – it isn’t limited to the schoolyard.

Here’s where the forgiveness part comes in handy.

Our internal response to bullying is

How can you know if you’re in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?

Just because there’s no physical violence, does that mean a relationship isn’t abusive?

No.

The adage, “can’t see the forest for the trees” is particularly true in emotionally abusive relationships, and it’s not uncommon for men and women in them to be unable to identify the relationship as being abusive.

Why is that?

It goes back to 1973 and an unsuccessful bank robbery in Stockholm, Sweden in which two perpetrators – both repeat offender prisoners – took four hostages, three women and one man. Over the six days they were held, the hostages began to identify and sympathize with their captors.

Hostages in the Norrmalmstorg Kreditbanken bank vault, Stockholm, Sweden. The 1973 robbery gave rise to the term “Stockholm Syndrome” which characterized a scenario in which captives sympathized with their captors.

As the standoff was ending, police called for the hostages to come out first, but the four captives – who protected their abductors to the very end – refused. One female hostage, 23-year old Kristin Enmark, called out, “No, Jan and Clark go first—you’ll gun them down if we do! We want to leave with the robber!”

When police seized the gunmen, two female hostages cried sympathetically, “Don’t hurt them – they didn’t harm us!”

When interviewed by investigators and others following the crisis’ conclusion, the hostages reported fearing Law Enforcement Officers’ rescue effort attempts, and felt their captors were protecting them from harm. The bonds formed during that stand-off had become so strong that there were reports of one female hostage who had been engaged to be married to one of the kidnappers – which was later discovered to be false, though it is true that one hostage developed a Legal Defense Fund to help pay the perpetrators’ criminal defense costs.

Researcher Ian K.Mackenzie wrote
in “Journal For Police Crisis Negotiations”
that Stockholm Syndrome consisted of:
“strong emotional ties that develop between two persons
where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other.”

Psychological researchers utilizing the FBI’s Hostage Barricade Database System (HOBAS) – the only entity that compiles national statistics on crisis incidents (hostage, barricade, and/or suicide) which are used in research and decision making – found that

The Not Too Tall Tale of the Tail -or- The Shortened Tail’s Tale

I don’t much write about myself on this blog, and there are several reasons for that, not the least of which is that, in some way, I don’t think many people care… either about me, my life, or anything else other than what is beyond the end of their noses. And yet, I may be wrong.

Call it skeptical, if you will, or perhaps even cynical, but to my way of thinking, there are many more things which are far more interesting in life. And of those things which are interesting, I am probably least among them. For those primary reasons, I do not write about myself, or my experiences. Further, I suppose that what I think, and how I feel is adequately expressed in the thoughts that do proliferate on this blog. Besides, I don’t have to be talking about myself all the time. I think that’s a rather healthy self-perspective – to not be self-consumed, but to be more concerned with others, than with self. The word for the antithesis of that characteristic is narcissism. And I am definitely not that.

Be it right, wrong, or indifferent, it’s what I’ve done. And for the greatest part, I probably won’t change that – though I perhaps could, to some extent. We’ll see.

However, this time, I’d like to take a brief respite, or departure from that approach, and share something that, for one reason or another, continues to touch my heart. So for a moment, please indulge me.

Today, I was