Fly Bugs Mike Bloomberg During DNC Speech

Oh!

The irony!😂

During his speech, a common housefly first circled around his mouth, landed briefly on his upper lip, and then landed on Mike Bloomberg’s RIGHT eyebrow as he spoke!😜 (viewer’s LEFT)

It makes one wonder what attracted the fly.

Bloomberg apparently

One Should Always Eat Foods In Season

Best grits joke I’ve ever heard was about a couple crisscrossing the nation, whose journeys took them to the Deep South.

Having traveled all day, they bedded down in a motel in Evergreen, AL. It’s tiny town, just off and barely east of I-65, and south of Georgiana. Perhaps you know exactly where it is… but chances are you don’t. So, here’s a map link to help you out. Or, if you prefer, here’s a pic.

So the next morning, as they were checking out of the Sleep Inn motel, they asked where they could get breakfast.

“Shoney’s is just down the street,” replied the Desk Clerk. “They have an excellent breakfast buffet that’s to die for!”

The couple thanked her, walked out the door, got in their car, and headed the few hundred feet down to Shoney’s.

As they walked in and were seated, they took a few minutes to look over the menu, and while talking among themselves, the waiter walked up and took their drinks order.

“I’ll be back in a few moments to take your order,” he said as he turned away.

When he arrived at their table, with their orange juice, water, and coffee on a service platter, he started placing their drinks on the table and asked, “Have y’all decided? Our breakfast buffet is always popular, or you can order from the menu, or a la carte.”

Curiously, the couple’s better half replied, “What’s on the breakfast buffet?”

He began naming off the items. “Well, we have cheese & regular grits, oatmeal, 2 types sausage – link & patty – chicken fingers, bacon of course, dirty rice, biscuits, plain & sausage gravy, cantaloupe, strawberries, honeydew, grapes, and cottage cheese.”

“Wow! That sounds like a lot to choose from!,” exclaimed the couple’s better half, as she shut the menu and handed it over to him.

“Yes ma’am, we do our best to have quite a variety of items to offer, and if there’s an item that you want that’s not on there, we’ll do our best to get it for you!” He smiled broadly as he delivered his short dietary soliloquy. The gap in his toothy grin gave the couple a heartwarming, and down-home feeling.

Build The Wall

Seems an Alabama company (Caddell Construction, in Montgomery) is vying for POS45’s attention by being one of six “finalists” in the surreality show now called “The President,” which has built a “life-sized sample” segment along the US-Mexico border.

Why don’t the idiots build one around Alabama?

Which reminds me of a story:

On one of their patrols, two GIs in the Middle East happened upon a device halfway buried in the sand, which they thought was an IED. After determining it was not, one of them picked it up and dusted it off, whereupon a cloud of smoke began to billow from it.

Scared, he threw it down, and they began to run from it.

Just as soon they thought they’d safely distanced themselves from it, they turned around and then saw a genie appear from within the cloud of smoke.

They hesitated reaching for their rifles because the genie appeared unarmed. After all, a muscular man wearing a turban, no shirt, and a billowy pair of pants could hardly be a menace… right?

Suddenly, the genie spoke, and in a authoritative voice said,

Aged 81, #ALpolitics @SenShelby is the Senate’s 4th oldest member.

Senator Richard Shelby is 81 years of age, and while he has not made an official announcement, according to sources, will be seriously considering campaigning for yet another 6-year term… at which point – if he survives it – he will be aged 87.

The Social Security’s most current Actuarial Tables (statistical death probability tables), indicate he has a 6.7509% chance of dying within a year, and conceivably, could live 7.62 more years.

Alabama Senator Richard Shelby is aged 81 years, is the 4th oldest Senator, and is one of 5 senators aged 80, and over. The average age in the Senate is 61. At the end of his present term, he will have been in the Senate for 29 years.

Next year, when he’ll become aged 82, as one might imagine, his chances of dying within a year increase. And with increased age, even the healthiest octogenarian will have health problems, the most common of which include heart problems, high blood pressure, circulatory problems, digestive and excretory difficulties, sleep pattern interruptions, metabolic compromises, respiratory problems, cognitive decline, and more. Of course, there are medications that treat those myriad associated symptoms, but ultimately,

#BREAKING NEWS! Florida Man Makes Funny Picture Holding Cat. Folks Get Mad… Again.

Recently, someone posted on FaceBook an image which almost instantly got some people frothing at the mouth.

Here’s a screenshot of the image as it appeared on Occupy Democrats FaceBook page.

The image is of a man later identified as Thomas Mcguinness of Port Charlotte, Florida, holding a cat by the scruff of its neck, who was subsequently investigated by Charlotte County Animal Control authorities. According to a report by the Fort Myers/Cape Coral News-Press, “after identifying the man in the picture as Thomas McGuinness, Animal Control officers met with him and all responsible parties, verifying that all of the domestic animals were alive and unharmed.”

Some folks get their panties in a wad over anything.
Note the date on the post.

I find no problem with that image, for the following reasons:

1.) Cats held in that manner are

It’s A Dog’s Life… And They Called It ‘Puppy Love’

So, as it turns out, I bought these as a treat for my puppy. And what do you think she did? Read on to find out!

So…

a few days ago, as a treat,

I bought pig ears at a Kroger grocery store for Queenie, my 11 month old mixed-breed (sometimes aka “Heinz 57” – as in 57 different varieties) puppy.

Last night I

Dixon, Illinois’ Penis-Shaped Church is “Rising Up”!

Satellite imagery of the new facility for the Christian Science Church, 324 W. First St., Dixon, IL

“She blinded me with science!”

Penis-Shaped Church in Dixon, IL Gets Attention

Scott Shepard from the Christian Science Church at 324 W. First St., Dixon, IL, and others are upset after a satellite image from Google Maps began to go viral, showing their new church had a rather unusual shape.

The Church recently moved into their new premises, but failed to notice the phallic design until one resident looked at the building from an aerial position using Google Earth and posted a screen shot online. The church said that “The new building was designed to

Dumb Dog Owner Blames Dog For Her Mistakes… Hopes You’ll Believe Her

Sure, you’ve seen ’em… the dog owner places a card around the dog’s neck which tells of the dog’s alleged bad deeds.

Some are hilarious, while others…

Well, let’s just say that others are not so bright.

TRANSLATION:

My owner was TOO STUPID to

The Weird Church Lady

This cute meme reminds me of the story of a somewhat uncouth, and slovenly church lady who was almost constantly inviting the pastor over for a meal.

Being aware of her less-than-hygienic life practices & household condition, he politely declined at every opportunity when invited.

One day, she confided in him that she had “turned over a new leaf,” and that she’d spent quite some time cleaning & tidying up, and that her household was spic and span, from top to bottom. Being completely wearied of her seemingly incessant requests, he reluctantly accepted, and hoped to find her household in somewhat better condition than he’d seen it years ago.

When the day finally arrived, not knowing what to expect, he approached the front door with a mixture of eager anticipation, and trepidation.

He had no sooner finished knocking on the door, than Sister Smith opened the door and cheerily greeted the pastor.

“Hello, Pastor Jones!,” she excitedly exclaimed. “I’m ~so~ very glad you came! Won’t you please come in?”

“Thank you, Sister Smith,” he said as he stepped over the threshold into the living room.

Glancing around, he was utterly amazed at what he saw.

“Well… I declare! I’m practically speechless, Sister Smith!,” he exulted as he

Man finds GOD in Eggplant

Apparently, for some, the kitchen is their church.

From our “See? God IS real – this eggplant proves it!” files comes this item:

Workers at a Baton Rouge restaurant say they saw the word ‘GOD’ in their eggplant.

http://wapo.st/1mK5355

Baton Rouge restaurant employee finds ‘GOD’ in sliced eggplant

Posted: Jul 08, 2014 12:06 PM CDT Updated: Jul 08, 2014 4:19 PM CDT

By Amber Stegall – email

and Gerron Jordan – email

BATON ROUGE, LA (WAFB) – When an employee at Gino’s Restaurant in Baton Rouge cut into an eggplant Monday, he found “GOD.”

Chef Jermarcus Brady couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “I saw a miraculous image formed by the seeds,” said Jermarcus Brady. “It spelled out the word God!” Chef Brady has many responsibilities, one being cutting, salting and sauteing eggplants.

Jemarcus Brady holding the “GOD” eggplant (Source: Jemarcus Brady)

“When you sliced into it, the pattern showed from the seeds that were forming in the inside the letters G-O-D as God,” said Brady. “I couldn’t think of anything. I just had to tell somebody to come look at it.”

Brady showed the eggplant to the owner of the restaurant and fellow coworkers and took photos, but he believed it was meant to be shared with everyone.

Brady says he is

We All Love… Silly Pet Pictures

Seen here, Izzy, the dog has “rescued” a discarded empty of chips from the trash bin, apparently in hopes of obtaining a smidgen of a tasty morsel. / Photo by SRL

Do Animals…

Things like this – Cat LOL videos, stories of animals having friendships, and other similarly expressive photos & stories (such as the depressed goat which was separated from, then was reunited with it’s longtime donkey companion) – are quite fascinating.

The reason why should be self-evident. Which is, that we find them humorous or entertaining because we ascribe human traits to animals.

From childhood, I never considered the

You’re not from around here, are you?

The “Georgia Walnut Pie,” seen here at Harbor View Cafe, Pepin, Wisconsin (Originally uploaded by rabidscottsman)

An alternate title for this entry might be: Walnuts, Pies, Strippers & Experts

Of course, that makes no sense. And for some, it makes neither cents, nor dollars.

But never you mind.

Pie and ice cream.

Who doesn’t like it?

Sounds dee-lish… right?

Any kind of pie, and almost any kind of ice cream. I say “any kind” with a caveat. Any kind EXCEPT Neapolitan. That’s horrid. Truly horrid. Whoever imagined the idea of “Neapolitan” ice cream is probably now suffering eternal punishment – a special torture reserved exclusively for the damned.

And, perhaps somebody should tell those folks.

I mean to refer to the folks that came up with a name like “Georgia Walnut Pie.”

Somebody should tell those folks that…

Here’s your Friday Funny!

Can you guess why this is funny?

Hint: You MUST view the page.

And just so you’ll be reassured to know, it is NOT pornographic.

How birds lost their penises – LATimes.com

Louisiana Monks challenge state law making their work a crime… making & selling caskets

It’d be funny if it weren’t sad.

Or, would it be sad if it weren’t funny?

Either way, it’s sad and funny.

Or, should that be ironic?

Whatever it is, it’s weird… and unjust.

—

It’s Illegal for Monks to Sell Caskets In Louisiana

By Claire Suddath on June 01, 2012

The monks just want to sell caskets. That’s the simple plea of a relatively simple case, in which a Louisiana monastery—St. Joseph Abbey, about an hour outside New Orleans—is suing the Louisiana State Board of Embalmers and Funeral Directors for the right to sell their handmade wooden caskets. Only licensed funeral establishments can sell caskets in Louisiana, which means that St. Joseph’s monks would have to hire a funeral director, install embalming equipment, and construct a funeral parlor even though they have no plans to embalm the deceased or perform actual funerals. “They would have to take an exam about the whole panoply of funeral directing,” says Scott Bullock, an attorney with Institute for Justice, which is representing the monks. “It’s like telling someone who sells shoes that they have to first become a podiatrist.”

Photograph by David Moore/Gallery Stock

St. Joseph Abbey, founded in 1889 as part of the Order of Saint Benedict, has been producing caskets for as long as its monks can remember, but until recently, they were only used for the private burials of their own members. In the 1990s they built a few coffins for the funerals of local bishops and the Catholic community began to take notice. “People would come to our funerals and see them and ask

No more “Click”…. no more “Clack.” Tappet Brothers hang up their act.

Oh no!

What’ll I listen to on the weekends?

—

NPR’s Car Talk guys hang up wrenches, microphones

By Ros Krasny

BOSTON | Fri Jun 8, 2012 2:24pm EDT

(Reuters) – Tom and Ray Magliozzi, hosts of National Public Radio’s popular “Car Talk” program, will retire in September after decades of dispensing automotive repair and driving advice laced with a side of wicked humor.

Undated handout photo courtesy of Car Talk shows Tom (R) and Ray Magliozzi. REUTERS/Richard Howard/Car Talk/Handout

The pair, in their guise as the self-deprecating Click and Clack, the Tappett Brothers, have been taping the weekly show for WBUR, Boston’s public radio affiliate, for 35 years, but say it is time to “stop and smell the cappuccino.”

Elder statesman Tom Magliozzi turns 75 this year.

“My brother has always been ‘work-averse,'” Ray Magliozzi, 63, said in a statement. “Now, apparently, even the one hour a week is killing him.”

NPR will

Dumbell drops dumbell on bullet, gets shot

From our “News of the ‘Damn! That’s weird!'” files.

He should be thankful it didn’t strike him in the head.

But then again, perhaps he’d already been touched in the head.

Who knows?

—

Weightlifter says dumbbell fell on bullet that shot him in shoulder

April 13, 2012 |  8:21 am

A 56-year-old weightlifter in Modesto reportedly shot himself after dropping a dumbbell on a bullet.

Modesto police officers responded to the call Wednesday night and found the man wounded in the shoulder.

He told police he was

Are Bosses really like Dirty Diapers?

Black and White Looney Tunes opening title

Who hasn’t heard the joke that “Bosses are like dirty diapers: Always on your ass, and full of shit.”?

It’s a proverbial oldie, but goodie.

And, like all humor, it must contain an element of truth.

While the purpose of this post is

This is only a test.

Do you remember “back in the day” when occasionally, a horribly wretched noise would emerge from your teevee or raydeeo set and the announcer’s voice would say “This is only a test.”?

If you do, good. If you don’t… read up on your current history! *LOL*

Now, whatever you do, DON’T click here to

President Obama goes to Hell

One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart attack and dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

“I don’t know what to do here,” says the devil. “You are on my list, but I
have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you
what I’m going to do.

The economy is so bad that…

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

African television stations are now showing ‘Sponsor an American Child’ commercials!

Wives are having sex with their husbands because

Out of the mouths of babes

Yesterday, though I was in an emotional funk, recovering from a state of mental numbness brought about by the week’s events, I had the wherewithal to go to the grocery store for a few items.

Walking down one aisle to search for an item, I passed by and stood near a young couple with two equally young children, the elder a girl. I suppose the children were aged perhaps no more than 5 and 3.

Having found their goods, the family foursome walked to the end of the aisle near the end caps and

Them’s FIGHTIN’ words! – Audio Post

Sometimes, you REALLY just have to wonder!

I wonder… was it an intersextion or intersection?

It was OUT there, to be certain.

Why is everybody always picking on me?

Why is everybody always picking on me?

Originally posted on Friday, June 4, 2010 at 8:19am

Today, I needed directions, and happening upon one of Murfreesboro‘s finest, I thought ‘what better source?,’ gave pursuit, and tooted my horn occasionally along the way, though I was apparently unseen and unheard.

Winding up at my original destination, I pulled along side and behind, stepped out and greeted the officer, whom then asked, “were you trying to flag me down?”

Laughingly, I said, “yes, I was!”

“I’m sorry,” replied the officer.

I explained I was needing some directions, and the officer left briefly to get some papers and would return momentarily, so I waited.

Returning, the officer said, “I’ll be glad to show you the location if you’ll follow me.” So we got into our respective cars. As I closed my door, I then noticed the officer got out of the patrol car and began to walk toward my vehicle, so I did likewise.

The officer walked over to my vehicle and placing a small piece of paper on my car’s hood began to write on it and said, “Here’s my card, if you need anything, call me. I work (insert days and times here), or just call me anytime. Can you read that?”

Taking the card, I said “yes, thank you,” called her by name, shook her hand, then proceeded to follow her.

Nothing like that has ever happened to me before.

Reckon what THAT was all about?

Bionic British Cat Gets Faux Paws

Makes sense to me!

Faux legs, faux pas!

By Maria Cheng, AP Medical Writer Fri Jun 25, 9:25 pm ET

Bionic British cat gets faux paws – Yahoo! News.

LONDON – Oscar the cat may have lost one of his nine lives, but his new prosthetic paws make him one of the world’s few bionic cats.

After losing his two rear paws in a nasty encounter with a combine harvester last October, the black cat with green eyes was outfitted with

The Horth Whithperer

(If you don’t laugh out loud at this, you’re just not trying!)

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he”s sending a  friend over to look at a horse.

His buddy asks, “How will I recognize him?”

“That’s easy. He’s a dwarf with a speech impediment.”

So, the dwarf shows up, and the guy asks him if he”s looking for a male or female horse.

“A female horth.”

So he shows him a prized filly.

“Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?”

So the guy picks up the dwarf and he gives the horse’s eyes the once over.

“Nith eyeth, can I thee her

Laugh Out Loud, with the “Official” Comics.com Widget!

Conan the Barbarian O’Brien

By now, it’s painfully evident that NBC made a critical programming error by ousting longtime funnyman and Tonight Show host Jay Leno, and substituting with the former Saturday night Live writer and most definitely un-funny Late Night host, Conan O’Brien.

Almost immediately, NBC’s viewership numbers  for its venerable Tonight Show declined. The honeymoon was over in under a week.

It’s no wonder.

O’Brien once wrote for SNL – which has been beating that dead horse ever since its initial hey day run from 1975-80 when the late John Belushi and Gilda Radner, with their equally genius comedic companions Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd, Jane Curtin and Bill Murray ruled the weekend comedy airwaves.

SNL has not been funny since. Well, perhaps there’s an episodic exception when Chris Farley appeared to take the spot emptied by Bellushi’s untimely death. Then Chris died… in much the same fashion and same age as Belushi. Not funny.

But back to O’Brien.

His abusive tenor, gutter “humor” – a masturbating bear? – and physical gesticulations are reminiscent of something painfully UNfunny.

Physical gags were John Ritter’s forte, but O’Brien’s intentionally spastic movements remind one of nothing more than a late teen attempting to be funny by behaving as a child.

Palinly… er, plainly, they’re a painful chore to watch, and his “jokes” are even worse to hear.

So, “goodbye,” and good riddance, Conan!

Maybe Fox will do you some good.

Oh, and by the way… it’s a masturbating bull – beef stroganoff.

“Doctor, I was wondering…”

Call in on a teevee news show’s “Back Talk” segment:

“Doctor, I have a rod in my back that extends up to the plate in my head, and down into my leg, past my knee, which makes me walk funny.

“What I’m wondering is, ‘will this set off the airport metal detectors’?”

***************************************************************************

“Brain Salad Surgery, It will murder you, it murdered me. We made it for our enemy, Brain Salad Surgery. We’ve got a ballad, About a salad brain, with a surgeon with a dirty dinner game.”

Lyric excerpt from:
BRAIN SALAD SURGERY, (ASCAP Title Code: 320185215)

Writers:
Keith Noel Emerson
Gregory Lake
Peter John Sinfield

Performers:
EMERSON/LAKE/PALMER

Publishers/Administrators:
Leadchoice Limited
c/o Music Sales Corp.
257 Park Avenue S
20th Floor
New York, NY 10010
Tel. (212) 254-2100
Email: joe.dipinto@musicsales.com