Warm Southern Breeze

"… there is no such thing as nothing."

Posts Tagged ‘funny’

Build The Wall

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Seems an Alabama company (Caddell Construction, in Montgomery) is vying for POS45’s attention by being one of six “finalists” in the surreality show now called “The President,” which has built a “life-sized sample” segment along the US-Mexico border.

Why don’t the idiots build one around Alabama?

Which reminds me of a story:

On one of their patrols, two GIs in the Middle East happened upon a device halfway buried in the sand, which they thought was an IED. After determining it was not, one of them picked it up and dusted it off, whereupon a cloud of smoke began to billow from it.

Scared, he threw it down, and they began to run from it.

Just as soon they thought they’d safely distanced themselves from it, they turned around and then saw a genie appear from within the cloud of smoke.

They hesitated reaching for their rifles because the genie appeared unarmed. After all, a muscular man wearing a turban, no shirt, and a billowy pair of pants could hardly be a menace… right?

Suddenly, the genie spoke, and in a authoritative voice said, Read the rest of this entry »

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#BREAKING NEWS! Florida Man Makes Funny Picture Holding Cat. Folks Get Mad… Again.

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Sunday, August 2, 2015

Recently, someone posted on FaceBook an image which almost instantly got some people frothing at the mouth.

Here’s a screenshot of the image as it appeared on Occupy Democrats FaceBook page.

The image is of a man later identified as Thomas Mcguinness of Port Charlotte, Florida, holding a cat by the scruff of its neck, who was subsequently investigated by Charlotte County Animal Control authorities. According to a report by the Fort Myers/Cape Coral News-Press, “after identifying the man in the picture as Thomas McGuinness, Animal Control officers met with him and all responsible parties, verifying that all of the domestic animals were alive and unharmed.”

Some folks get their panties in a wad...

Some folks get their panties in a wad over anything.
Note the date on the post.

I find no problem with that image, for the following reasons:

1.) Cats held in that manner are Read the rest of this entry »

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It’s A Dog’s Life… And They Called It ‘Puppy Love’

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Saturday, July 4, 2015

So, as it turns out, I bought these as a treat for my puppy. And what do you think she did? Read on to find out!

So, as it turns out, I bought these as a treat for my puppy. And what do you think she did? Read on to find out!

So…

a few days ago, as a treat,

I bought pig ears at a Kroger grocery store for Queenie, my 11 month old mixed-breed (sometimes aka “Heinz 57” – as in 57 different varieties) puppy.

Last night I Read the rest of this entry »

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Dixon, Illinois’ Penis-Shaped Church is “Rising Up”!

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Saturday, April 25, 2015

Satellite imagery of the new facility for the Christian Science Church, 324 W. First St., Dixon, IL

Satellite imagery of the new facility for the Christian Science Church, 324 W. First St., Dixon, IL

“She blinded me with science!”

Penis-Shaped Church in Dixon, IL Gets Attention

Scott Shepard from the Christian Science Church at 324 W. First St., Dixon, IL, and others are upset after a satellite image from Google Maps began to go viral, showing their new church had a rather unusual shape.

The Church recently moved into their new premises, but failed to notice the phallic design until one resident looked at the building from an aerial position using Google Earth and posted a screen shot online. The church said that “The new building was designed to Read the rest of this entry »

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Dumb Dog Owner Blames Dog For Her Mistakes… Hopes You’ll Believe Her

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Thursday, January 15, 2015

Sure, you’ve seen ’em… the dog owner places a card around the dog’s neck which tells of the dog’s alleged bad deeds.

Some are hilarious, while others…

Well, let’s just say that others are not so bright.

TRANSLATION:

My owner was TOO STUPID to Read the rest of this entry »

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The Weird Church Lady

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Weirder & weirderThis cute meme reminds me of the story of a somewhat uncouth, and slovenly church lady who was almost constantly inviting the pastor over for a meal.

Being aware of her less-than-hygienic life practices & household condition, he politely declined at every opportunity when invited.

One day, she confided in him that she had “turned over a new leaf,” and that she’d spent quite some time cleaning & tidying up, and that her household was spic and span, from top to bottom. Being completely wearied of her seemingly incessant requests, he reluctantly accepted, and hoped to find her household in somewhat better condition than he’d seen it years ago.

When the day finally arrived, not knowing what to expect, he approached the front door with a mixture of eager anticipation, and trepidation.

He had no sooner finished knocking on the door, than Sister Smith opened the door and cheerily greeted the pastor.

“Hello, Pastor Jones!,” she excitedly exclaimed. “I’m ~so~ very glad you came! Won’t you please come in?”

“Thank you, Sister Smith,” he said as he stepped over the threshold into the living room.

Glancing around, he was utterly amazed at what he saw.

“Well… I declare! I’m practically speechless, Sister Smith!,” he exulted as he Read the rest of this entry »

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Man finds GOD in Eggplant

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Thursday, July 10, 2014

Apparently, for some, the kitchen is their church.

From our “See? God IS real – this eggplant proves it!” files comes this item:

Workers at a Baton Rouge restaurant say they saw the word ‘GOD’ in their eggplant.

http://wapo.st/1mK5355

Baton Rouge restaurant employee finds ‘GOD’ in sliced eggplant

Posted: Jul 08, 2014 12:06 PM CDT Updated: Jul 08, 2014 4:19 PM CDT

BATON ROUGE, LA (WAFB) – When an employee at Gino’s Restaurant in Baton Rouge cut into an eggplant Monday, he found “GOD.”

Chef Jermarcus Brady couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “I saw a miraculous image formed by the seeds,” said Jermarcus Brady. “It spelled out the word God!” Chef Brady has many responsibilities, one being cutting, salting and sauteing eggplants.

Jemarcus Brady holding the "GOD" eggplant (Source: Jemarcus Brady)

Jemarcus Brady holding the “GOD” eggplant (Source: Jemarcus Brady)

“When you sliced into it, the pattern showed from the seeds that were forming in the inside the letters G-O-D as God,” said Brady. “I couldn’t think of anything. I just had to tell somebody to come look at it.”

Brady showed the eggplant to the owner of the restaurant and fellow coworkers and took photos, but he believed it was meant to be shared with everyone.

Brady says he is Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in - Lost In Space: TOTALLY Discombobulated, - Read 'em and weep: The Daily News | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

We All Love… Silly Pet Pictures

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Presenting Izzy, the dog.

Seen here, Izzy, the dog has “rescued” a discarded empty of chips from the trash bin, apparently in hopes of obtaining a smidgen of a tasty morsel. / Photo by SRL

Do Animals

Things like this – Cat LOL videos, stories of animals having friendships, and other similarly expressive photos & stories (such as the depressed goat which was separated from, then was reunited with it’s longtime donkey companion) – are quite fascinating.

The reason why should be self-evident. Which is, that we find them humorous or entertaining because we ascribe human traits to animals.

From childhood, I never considered the Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in - Even MORE Uncategorized!, - Faith, Religion, Goodness - What is the Soul of a man? | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

You’re not from around here, are you?

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Monday, July 15, 2013

The “Georgia Walnut Pie,” seen here at Harbor View Cafe, Pepin, Wisconsin (Originally uploaded by rabidscottsman)

An alternate title for this entry might be: Walnuts, Pies, Strippers & Experts

Of course, that makes no sense. And for some, it makes neither cents, nor dollars.

But never you mind.

Pie and ice cream.

Who doesn’t like it?

Sounds dee-lish… right?

Any kind of pie, and almost any kind of ice cream. I say “any kind” with a caveat. Any kind EXCEPT Neapolitan. That’s horrid. Truly horrid. Whoever imagined the idea of “Neapolitan” ice cream is probably now suffering eternal punishment – a special torture reserved exclusively for the damned.

And, perhaps somebody should tell those folks.

I mean to refer to the folks that came up with a name like “Georgia Walnut Pie.”

Somebody should tell those folks that… Read the rest of this entry »

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Here’s your Friday Funny!

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Friday, June 7, 2013

Can you guess why this is funny?

Hint: You MUST view the page.

And just so you’ll be reassured to know, it is NOT pornographic.

How birds lost their penises – LATimes.com Read the rest of this entry »

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Louisiana Monks challenge state law making their work a crime… making & selling caskets

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Sunday, June 24, 2012

It’d be funny if it weren’t sad.

Or, would it be sad if it weren’t funny?

Either way, it’s sad and funny.

Or, should that be ironic?

Whatever it is, it’s weird… and unjust.

It’s Illegal for Monks to Sell Caskets In Louisiana

By on June 01, 2012

The monks just want to sell caskets. That’s the simple plea of a relatively simple case, in which a Louisiana monastery—St. Joseph Abbey, about an hour outside New Orleans—is suing the Louisiana State Board of Embalmers and Funeral Directors for the right to sell their handmade wooden caskets. Only licensed funeral establishments can sell caskets in Louisiana, which means that St. Joseph’s monks would have to hire a funeral director, install embalming equipment, and construct a funeral parlor even though they have no plans to embalm the deceased or perform actual funerals. “They would have to take an exam about the whole panoply of funeral directing,” says Scott Bullock, an attorney with Institute for Justice, which is representing the monks. “It’s like telling someone who sells shoes that they have to first become a podiatrist.”

casket 0531_Monks_630x420

Photograph by David Moore/Gallery Stock

St. Joseph Abbey, founded in 1889 as part of the Order of Saint Benedict, has been producing caskets for as long as its monks can remember, but until recently, they were only used for the private burials of their own members. In the 1990s they built a few coffins for the funerals of local bishops and the Catholic community began to take notice. “People would come to our funerals and see them and ask Read the rest of this entry »

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No more “Click”…. no more “Clack.” Tappet Brothers hang up their act.

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Friday, June 8, 2012

Oh no!

What’ll I listen to on the weekends?

NPR’s Car Talk guys hang up wrenches, microphones

By Ros Krasny

BOSTON | Fri Jun 8, 2012 2:24pm EDT

(Reuters) – Tom and Ray Magliozzi, hosts of National Public Radio’s popular “Car Talk” program, will retire in September after decades of dispensing automotive repair and driving advice laced with a side of wicked humor.

Handout photo of Tom and Ray Magliozzi

Undated handout photo courtesy of Car Talk shows Tom (R) and Ray Magliozzi. REUTERS/Richard Howard/Car Talk/Handout

The pair, in their guise as the self-deprecating Click and Clack, the Tappett Brothers, have been taping the weekly show for WBUR, Boston’s public radio affiliate, for 35 years, but say it is time to “stop and smell the cappuccino.”

Elder statesman Tom Magliozzi turns 75 this year.

“My brother has always been ‘work-averse,'” Ray Magliozzi, 63, said in a statement. “Now, apparently, even the one hour a week is killing him.”

NPR will Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in - Did they REALLY say that?, - Read 'em and weep: The Daily News, End Of The Road | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Dumbell drops dumbell on bullet, gets shot

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Friday, April 13, 2012

From our “News of the ‘Damn! That’s weird!'” files.

He should be thankful it didn’t strike him in the head.

But then again, perhaps he’d already been touched in the head.

Who knows?

Weightlifter says dumbbell fell on bullet that shot him in shoulder

April 13, 2012 |  8:21 am

A 56-year-old weightlifter in Modesto reportedly shot himself after dropping a dumbbell on a bullet.

Modesto police officers responded to the call Wednesday night and found the man wounded in the shoulder.

He told police he was Read the rest of this entry »

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Are Bosses really like Dirty Diapers?

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Friday, March 9, 2012

Black and White Looney Tunes opening title

Black and White Looney Tunes opening title

Who hasn’t heard the joke that “Bosses are like dirty diapers: Always on your ass, and full of shit.”?

It’s a proverbial oldie, but goodie.

And, like all humor, it must contain an element of truth.

While the purpose of this post is Read the rest of this entry »

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This is only a test.

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Thursday, October 7, 2010

Do you remember “back in the day” when occasionally, a horribly wretched noise would emerge from your teevee or raydeeo set and the announcer’s voice would say “This is only a test.”?

If you do, good. If you don’t… read up on your current history! *LOL*

Now, whatever you do, DON’T click here to …read more…

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President Obama goes to Hell

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, August 25, 2010

One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart attack and dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

“I don’t know what to do here,” says the devil. “You are on my list, but I
have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you
what I’m going to do.

Posted in - Even MORE Uncategorized!, - Lost In Space: TOTALLY Discombobulated | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

The economy is so bad that…

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

African television stations are now showing ‘Sponsor an American Child’ commercials!

Wives are having sex with their husbands because Read the rest of this entry »

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Out of the mouths of babes

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Yesterday, though I was in an emotional funk, recovering from a state of mental numbness brought about by the week’s events, I had the wherewithal to go to the grocery store for a few items.

Walking down one aisle to search for an item, I passed by and stood near a young couple with two equally young children, the elder a girl. I suppose the children were aged perhaps no more than 5 and 3.

Having found their goods, the family foursome walked to the end of the aisle near the end caps and Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in - Did they REALLY say that?, - Faith, Religion, Goodness - What is the Soul of a man?, - My Hometown is the sweetest place I know | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Them’s FIGHTIN’ words! – Audio Post

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Friday, August 6, 2010

Sometimes, you REALLY just have to wonder!

I wonder… was it an intersextion or intersection?

It was OUT there, to be certain.

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