To put yourself on a more sure foundation for establishing a successful marriage, just don’t do it.
Cohabit, that is.
Human nature being what it is, we don’t often like being told not to do things.
We take particular delight in going against the grain. The reasons why are myriad. And yet, at times, there have been valid reasons why, or why we should not to do things, that – for one reason or another – have not been communicated effectively, if at all.
One area in which ineffective communication has occurred is pre-marital relationships.
Sure, there are various colloquialisms for the notion and practice of cohabiting – such as “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free,” “try before you buy,” and others – some of which many of us have heard for years. What’s interesting to note, is that we’re now discovering, is that, well… they were right.
But again, the problem with those aphorisms, no matter how true they may be, is that they presume a certain level of understanding. They presume communication has occurred, and that the understanding and rationale of the question ‘why’ is present.
As we’re finding out, the understanding and rationale of the question ‘why’ is absent, which also means that a certain level of understanding is absent, which therefore means that the foundation for the truth of the aphorism is entirely absent.
Read on to learn more about the fascinating findings.
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The Downside of Cohabiting Before Marriage
By MEG JAY April 14, 2012
AT 32, one of my clients (I’ll call her Jennifer) had a lavish wine-country wedding. By then, Jennifer and her boyfriend had lived together for more than four years. The event was attended by the couple’s friends, families and two dogs.
The BIG slide - what does it mean? (Illustration by Karen Katz)
When Jennifer started therapy with me less than a year later, she was looking for a divorce lawyer. “I spent more time planning my wedding than I spent happily married,” she sobbed. Most disheartening to Jennifer was that she’d tried to do everything right. “My parents got married young so, of course, they got divorced. We lived together! How did this happen?”
Cohabitation in the United States has increased by more than 1,500 percent in the past half century. In 1960, about 450,000 unmarried couples lived together. Now the number is more than 7.5 million. The majority of young adults in their 20s will live with a romantic partner at least once, and more than half of all marriages will be preceded by cohabitation. This shift has been attributed to Read the rest of this entry »
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