Love in Her Final Moments

I have a hangover that began onset in earnest Saturday.

“Hangovers hurt more than they used to,” goes a line from the 1981 Hank Williams, Jr. song “All My Rowdy Friends (Have Settled Down).” I can attest to the truth of that statement.

While alcohol-induced hangovers typically fully resolve within 24 hours, and often less, I’m uncertain how long mine will take before resolving. And right now, it hurts rather badly.

I was awakened around 0200 Saturday morning, having retired for the evening Friday around 2000, or 2100, and was sleeping soundly with Queenie by my side until an arm and hand silently reached out from the darkness, touched my shoulder and startled me. I don’t surprise easily, and typically am not the type that watches scary movies for the simple reason that they’re unbelievable. At least to me, they are.

But I awoke with a start and cried out as I was jostled from a deep, sound sleep. No noise, just a quiet nudging.

It was Geoff.

“It’s Gerri,” he said, to which I replied, “I’ll be right down,” got out of bed, quickly pulled my blue jeans on, and headed downstairs in my stocking feet.

He’d been siting up with Gellibean as she lay dying in her bed downstairs.

“I’ll be back in just a little bit,” I said turning to Queenie, my service animal, as she lay in bed, apparently still groggy as I. Her big brown eyes and gentle disposition told me that she would be fine with that. She understood me, I had no doubt, because she’d been trained so well.

You see, I know her trainer personally, and brush his teeth every night.

As I slowly and carefully made my way downstairs, and walked around the corner toward her room, Geoff followed me.

Gerri lay quietly in bed — well, almost quietly — but in no obvious distress.

Geoff stood in the doorway to her room, as I stood at Gerri’s bedside observing her. As I walked out, he then turned to me and asked,

Your Mother Is Hurting

True -or- False?

Things that are not living cannot change.

“There’s a feeling I get when I look to the west, and my spirit is crying for leaving. In my thoughts, I have seen rings of smoke through the trees, and the voices of those who stand looking. It makes me wonder… it really makes me wonder.”

Your mother is hurting.

I guess I was lucky that I didn’t fall tumbling down an almost sheer granite cliff like a rag doll after climbing up nearly to the top in leather-soled cowboy boots en route to Sonora Pass in the Sierras along CA 108 in October ’08. Mom & Dad would’ve been very saddened. Instead, I got to see them die. Well, almost. They were both “on their death bed” when I last kissed them both — Daddy died a few years before Mother. I saw to it that

Dialogue With A Friend

In a pure-hearted effort to be encouraging, a friend shared with me some thoughts as follows:

Someone Greater

There’s a battle happening all around us—a battle for your heart, your mind, and your soul. A battle that’s not only physical, but also spiritual. A battle with literal enemies who impact the seen and unseen world.

John wrote:

“But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.”
1 John 4:4 NLT

Yes, we are in a real battle.
Yes, we have a real enemy.
Yes, the kingdom of darkness is constantly fighting against the kingdom of light.

But for those who are trusting in the finished work of Christ, greater is the One living inside of us than the one who is living in this world.

We have a real Savior.
This story isn’t close to over.
The kingdom of darkness will never prevail against the kingdom of light.

Our enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. To pervert, manipulate, and confuse, distract, divide, and disable.

But God is greater than the doubts that clutter your mind, the enemies that frustrate your plans, the heart-wrenching and even soul-crushing situation that’s currently consuming your thoughts.

You can fight from a place of victory because the battle has already been won.

Jesus has already conquered death. And now, while we wait for others to come to salvation and for God to bring all things to completion under Christ’s authority, we can fight with a confident hope.

There’s a battle happening all around us—a battle for your heart, for your mind, for your soul. But greater is the One living inside of you than the one who is living in this world.

The gesture was appreciated, and accepted in the milieu in which it was given. After all, that’s what friends do: They love one another, encourage, and help one another as an expression of that love.

None of that message was alien to me, and there have been seemingly countless times in which I have heard, or read such a message, using those exact terms, phrases, and expressions.

And, as friends do, a response was crafted as follows:

Have you ever heard of the now-defunct comic strip by Walt Kelly called Pogo? It was syndicated from 1948-75, set in Georgia’s portion of the Okefenokee Swamp, and was primarily political satire, but included comedic social commentary, as well.

If not, don’t worry; I’m about to succinctly describe one frame.

The protagonist, a possum, for whom the strip was named, makes a remark saying.

Papa Francesco Writes

Pope Francis: A Crisis Reveals What Is in Our Hearts

To come out of this pandemic better than we went in, we must let ourselves be touched by others’ pain.

By Pope Francis
Pope Francis is the head of the Catholic Church and the bishop of Rome.

November 26, 2020
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/26/opinion/pope-francis-covid.html

In this past year of change, my mind and heart have overflowed with people. People I think of and pray for, and sometimes cry with, people with names and faces, people who died without saying goodbye to those they loved, families in difficulty, even going hungry, because there’s no work.

Sometimes, when you think globally, you can be paralyzed: There are so many places of apparently ceaseless conflict; there’s so much suffering and need. I find it helps to focus on concrete situations: You see faces looking for life and love in the reality of each person, of each people. You see hope written in the story of every nation, glorious because it’s a story of daily struggle, of lives broken in self-sacrifice. So rather than overwhelm you, it invites you to ponder and to respond with hope.

Papa Francesco (It.), Pope Francis

These are moments in life that can be ripe for change and conversion. Each of us has had our own “stoppage,” or if we haven’t yet, we will someday: illness, the failure of a marriage or a business, some great disappointment or betrayal. As in the Covid-19 lockdown, those moments generate a tension, a crisis that reveals what is in our hearts.

In every personal “Covid,” so to speak, in every “stoppage,” what is revealed is what needs to change: our lack of internal freedom, the idols we have been serving, the ideologies we have tried to live by, the relationships we have neglected.

When I got really sick at the age of 21, I had my first experience of limit, of pain and loneliness. It changed the way I saw life. For months, I didn’t know who I was or whether I would live or die. The doctors had no idea whether I’d make it either. I remember hugging my mother and saying, “Just tell me if I’m going to die.” I was in the second year of training for the priesthood in the diocesan seminary of Buenos Aires.

I remember the date: Aug. 13, 1957. I got taken to a hospital by

Love Is Not Like That

(Previously titled: Thoughts on Religious “Free Will”)

Recently, in conversation with friends over the evening meal (supper) at a nearby restaurant, a comment was made observing something to the effect of recent global events, specifically, Iraqi uprisings in that nation, which in turn quickly segued into a remark by that same one, which was something to the effect of “the LORD is doing wonderful things in that nation,” or very similar.

About two days later, in conversation with another different friend, I shared that experience, and the remarks, and commented that, “You know, it’s as if the people who say things like that are proud of their god, as it like they trained it. ‘Attaboy, god! You go! You’re doing such a good job! We’re proud of you!’ It’s as if they’re praising a child for doing something good, proper, or right.”

Additional remarks might be something like, ‘There you go, god! You’re doing a good job! Keep up the good work! You’re doing SO MUCH BETTER! Earlier, you weren’t worth a shit… but NOW!?! You’re doing FANTASTIC work!’

You see how absurd that is?

If a person has a god which is an omniscient, omnipotent being, why would that one need praise? It’s wholly, entirely, and totally absurd. People only praise those whom are doing things they approve of, and who have some semblance of commonality – who share an often-unifying common bond – either by sharing national origin, or some other similar factor.

Praise the astronauts who were the volunteer human subjects who sat atop rockets destined (hopefully) for outer space, for their heroic actions, and intestinal fortitude. But, they were mere men, as well. It’s the same thing for firefighters, who, instead of running out of a burning building, rush headlong INTO it.

It’s totally contrary to what our natural instincts (the preservation of life) are.

And yet, some even died in those processes – of space exploration, and saving others’ lives and property.

And if they survive, all of them age, and eventually later die.

And by golly, if a god is all that and a bag of chips, what’s the point?

Seriously.

Heaping praise for an omniscient, omnipotent being from those who are utterly the epitome of stupidity?

C’mon…

If that’s not a case of putting the cart before the horse, I don’t know what is.

It’d be like having a child heaping praise upon Albert Einstein (1879-1955) for developing the Theory of Relativity, or praising Robert Boyle (1627-1691) for discovering Boyle’s Law, or congratulating Italian scientist Amedeo Avogadro (1776-1856) for discovering Avogadro’s number/constant.

It’s utterly inconsistent with the idea of praise for congratulations, adulation, or adoration to come from below. Properly, praise comes from above. Your boss, or supervisor praises you. Or, even a colleague praises you. But hardly ever does an inferior praise a superior. While it does, and has happened, it’s certainly not the norm.

But again, I digress.

The point I had hoped to express was about the idea of “free will” as often expressed by Baptists, and other right-wing extremist Christian faith traditions.

Over supper, I expressed my thoughts to the friend, that I

Bittersweet

Perhaps you know that I read, and do so widely.

Yesterday, I read something that I found utterly BRILLIANT!

This is but one thought from it.

“To avoid being mistaken for gay, these days many self-proclaimed straight people—men especially—settle for superficial associations with their comrades and reserve the sort of costly intimacy that once characterized such chaste same-sex relationships for their romantic partners alone. Their ostensibly normal sexual orientation cheats them out of an essential aspect of human flourishing: deep friendship.”

As I am now writing these words, another thought came to mind, and it was that I learned a new word recently.

The word is “alexithymia,” and refers to the inability to describe emotions.

The word it self is a fairly new one having emerged circa 1970’s, and examining its component parts, tells us something about its meaning. The prefix “a” means the negation or absence of something, “lexi” means speech, and by extension communication, and “thymia” refers to a noun form meaning a condition being related to the mind and will.

I learned that word after viewing a brief TEDx presentation given by a gent who was presenting the case against the social, colloquial phrase “be a man” – and most all ideas associated with it, which also flow from it – and which as he shared, has significantly contributed to the alienation and isolation of emotions from boys, and the social retardation of the full development of personality and character which otherwise might be more fully developed were they “in tune with” their emotions, and able to describe them.

He made a much better case for emotional support than I’m able to explain here in a few words, but suffice it to say, that the impetus of his idea was that boys’ emotional development is largely (or, at least has been historically, most notably in modernity) socially squelched, and they have not been encouraged to express their emotions, save perhaps, except in sports, which itself is a very narrow expression.

But it was the story and motion picture “Brian’s Song,” about

Can I ask you a question?

Here’s but one story from my storied career.

—//—

Once, upon a time, I worked in a CVICU (CardioVascular Intensive Care Unit) in Greenville, MS – a predominately Black populated area, with high poverty, and all the problems that come along for that ride.

A patient came to us from a SNF (Skilled Nursing Facility, i.e., Nursing Home), and was refusing to communicate/talk with staff. I became his Nurse. He was a Black gent, and I cared for him just like I would for anyone else – with dignity, and empowering them to make decisions regarding their care.

I was working

Law Is Good, Love Is Better

It seemed like such a good idea at the time: Carve the law of the nation in stone. We citizens of another land and millennia can appreciate how final the Ten Commandments must have felt — and yet

Many Years, Countless Tears… But Joy Comes With The Morning.

Tapestry of Saint Monica of Hippo, by John Nava (b.1947).

For many, many years Saint Monica of Hippo wept during her ceaselessly tireless prayers for her husband Patricius – a pagan whom lived in her hometown of Tagast in North Africa, to whom her parents gave her in marriage, even though she was a Christian – their son Augustine, and her mother-in-law who lived with them, to become Christians. Patricius was known for his violent temper and licentiousness, while Monica’s mother-in-law was similarly ornery and cantankerous. Her dedication and devotion to

Love Is Bigger Than Hurt

Joseph had it tough as the second youngest in a family of 12 brothers. Picked on and hated because he was his dad Jacob’s favorite, Joseph ended up sold into slavery by his brothers. After many years of separation from his family, he again met his brothers, only this time the tables were turned: Joseph was in a position of power, and his brothers were the vulnerable ones. It wouldn’t have taken much for Joseph to

The Power of Forgiveness

The story of Maria Goretti, the young virgin and martyr whose feast is celebrated today, is one that generations have read with a mixture of horror and fascination.Maria was only 11 years old when she was attacked and shortly died from injuries inflicted –murdered – by a would-be rapist. That’s the horrific part of her story. The fascinating part is

From Pain to Gain

“What a life of bitterness I am leading,” said Saint Elizabeth of Portugal (1271-1336). “On whom but God can I depend?” Those anguished words came from a woman who, aged 12 was

Don’t Fan The Flames

In the summer of A.D. 64 a terrible fire swept through the city of Rome. Emperor Nero found himself praised for his efforts to help the victims, and accused of setting the fire. To deflect the criticism, he

Shouldering Responsibility

The pallium is an ancient liturgical vestment worn only by the pope and a very few other high-level church officials upon whom the pope bestows it as a symbol of the jurisdiction delegated to them. In honor of Saints Peter and Paul, today is the day of

Think Before You Act

The church calendar identifies the second-century saint Irenaeus as a “bishop and martyr.” He was certainly a bishop (of Lyons in France), but his martyrdom may be more legendary. He is remembered primarily, however, not for his death but for

The Mother Of All Role Models

Saint Cyril of Alexandria (c. 374-444) was a scholar, writer and bishop who promoted the use of the title Theotokos (“God-bearer”) for

Discover The Mystery of You

Each newborn child is a mystery about to unfold in the world. And there is always the potential for joy and pain, great good or tremendous misery. To a great extent, much of what the child becomes is contained in the context of the family: Its resources, stability, and

How well do we see ourselves?

Self-knowledge isn’t always welcome. We prefer to think well of ourselves, so if that requires a little trip to “the land of denial” now and again, it can’t be helped. Or can it? In the fourth century, when

You Are The Salt Of The Earth

Salt is such an ordinary, inexpensive, and easily found substance in most cases nowadays that you can fail to fully grasp the profound meaning of Jesus’ famous metaphor. Consider these facts about salt: While it was once known as “white gold,” salt is necessary for human life. It preserves, purifies, and enhances the flavor of food. It made civilization possible. Wars have been waged over supplies of salt; it has been taxed, hoarded, traded, and

Why Do We Hide?

A psychologist explained something fascinating about shame: No one can put it inside us without our consent. Shame doesn’t enter from the outside but responds from within. Those who

Love With No Strings Attached

What would it be like to have an “immaculate heart”? Could it be to have a heart that loved unconditionally? When we are honest about it, much of what we call “love” is actually a sort of quid pro quo, a

Is that you?

“That’s me!,” said one 10-year-old insistently to another as they watched an action movie, and chose to be the character who was the most powerful, the most beautiful, or even the goofiest.

A good storyteller knows that listeners need to identify with the characters, but it can be

Good News For Hungry Hearts And Minds

Christians haven’t always done evangelization well. The Benedictine monk and bishop, Saint Boniface (c. 680-754), had a mixed history in that regard. There are stories about him literally trampling the religious traditions of other cultures but also about him embracing the customs of people and inviting them to see their own lives in light of the gospel. What’s your take on evangelization? Is there a hammer, or the gospel in someone’s hand? Consider the words of

Love is Like a Greased Pig

By Mark Gungor

“I just don’t feel what I used to feel for you.”
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore.”
“I believe I’ve found my soul mate…and it isn’t you.”
Or as the Righteous Brothers sang, “You’ve lost that loving feeling.”

However people want to word it, the bottom line is this: The fabulous and intense experience of our early love isn’t there anymore. I guess it wasn’t true love after all.

In the wonderful movie classic, The Princess Bride, the cotton-mouthed, speech-challenged priest talks about “true love” (Or “twuuuu wuv” as he says it!) at the wedding ceremony of Princess Buttercup and Prince Humperdink. He states that true love will follow you forever. While it makes for a great movie line, in reality it is a bunch of nonsense. True love doesn’t follow you like a little puppy that is constantly there. It’s actually more like a greased pig! You have to chase after it and pursue it. You have to run it down and tackle it and when it gets away, you go after it one more time. You may finally get a hold of it for a while, but then the little rascal can slip away and you have to chase it down again.

I know, I know—a greased pig isn’t all that romantic of an analogy to use, but it surely is more realistic and more accurate! Men and women who ascribe to all this romantic fantasy stuff will be sorely disappointed. So many people actually think that love and marriage will always be easy; that it will always be a skip through the meadow with birds chirping and butterflies flitting and the orchestra playing in the background. They think that the emotional high and buzz they experience at the beginning of dating or marriage will always be there. “Our love is true love and it will never fade!” That’s why so many people become disillusioned once they get into marriage—and sometimes it doesn’t take very long at all. They think that they have “fallen out of love” with their spouse once the flames of passion begin to die down to a smoldering ember.

Of course, our feelings change over time. There is no way that the initial euphoria can go on and on. It gives way to a deeper and more mature kind of love. The stages of marriage have been well documented in the research. That initial high that people experience at the onset usually only lasts six months to two years. Once the buzz is gone, the mistake that people often make is to allow their “feelings” to dictate their actions. They don’t feel that rush of emotion that they associated with love in the beginning and therefore, they assume they aren’t in love any more. Then naturally, since they don’t feel love, they reason (wrongly) that they must be true to their feelings. As a result, many

Stepping Out For Jesus

Saint Philip Neri (1515-95) must have had a good cobbler, because he sure put a lot of miles on his shoes. He sauntered through Rome, striking up conversations with whomever he met, beggars or bankers, warming hearts as he talked about God. Often, he’d bid them walk and talk with him en route to

Support Gentle, Loving Relationships

If you knew you would be canonized a saint and could choose your patronage now, for what cause would you cheerfully accept intercessions? Be careful in your selection: Saints become the patrons of causes they know all too well. Rita of Cascia is the patron saint of

Thank You, Mother

Pope Francis recently added a memorial to celebrate the Blessed Virgin Mary in her role as “Mother of the Church” every year on the Monday after Pentecost as a way to

Do Something Useful

Be honest: Do you think prayer is useful? While we might describe the act of

Let Go And Love

Jesus’ Last Supper discourses are surely some of the most poignant passages in John’s gospel. You can almost hear the urgency in Jesus’ voice as he exhorts His disciples to carry on and always love one another. Just “love one another.” Three simple words, yet how difficult they are to live at times! Or at least we make them that way. We prefer to hold on to our anger, resentment, or that small slight from this morning. We are entitled to feel the way we do — right? Yet, how much

Fake News And Peace

Peace is possible only when truth is readily available. This is why Pope Francis has dedicated this World Communications Day to a reflection on the polarizing effect of fake news. False information creates and fuels division, bleeding its consequences into both personal and group behaviors. By contrast, a “journalism of peace” promotes

Working In Absentia

Much has been written about the importance of a “ministry of presence” – of being with people in times of need. Important as presence is, there is also a “ministry of absence,” said noted spirituality author Henri Nouwen. We should never forget that it is

Find Your Own Path

Modern gurus abound on talk shows and blogs, full of advice about how you should live your life.

Some of their suggestions may be helpful; the best ones are borrowed from

Your Turn To Serve

Wise. Brave. Humble. Seekers of the common good above personal ambition. The world can’t get enough good leaders, and the best way to acquire the leaders we need in every aspect of modern life is for all of us to strive to be leaders right where we are. On this 55th World Day of

Focus On The Good – In Everyone

Just as Mother Teresa had her critics, so also Father Damien was maligned after his death. It was novelist Robert Louis Stevenson, however, who visited the island leper colony where Damien ministered in 1889 and set the record straight. When a Honolulu pastor publicly called Damien a “coarse, dirty man” whose leprosy should be attributed to his “carelessness,” Stevenson rebutted: “You are one of those who have an eye for faults and failures; that you take

Six Word Story

A six word storyland visit follows.

What that is, I don’t know.

Here are this morning’s goodies:

• Sad Six Word Stories (SWS)
“She loved me and

Fully Love

One thing Jesus never could stomach is a hypocrite. In the stories, He always prefers sincere sinners to religious fakers. It’s easy to slip into the role of a synthetic disciple without even noticing. Our religious routines — prayer, Mass attendance, lip-synched proper responses to moral issues — can go on autopilot. Meanwhile,

Whom do you follow?

Like Archbishop Óscar Romero of El Salvador in the 20th century and Thomas à Becket of England in the 12th century, Saint Stanislaus (c. 1030-79), according to tradition, was killed in church, in this case while celebrating Mass. Stanislaus’ murderer was

Let It Be

Mary is the mother of the church and the model of all Christians. At the message of an angel, she believed beyond all reason and offered her life in service of God’s plan. Her response, “let it be,” is the answer of every disciple who trusts in God’s word to make all things new. In the season of

Who taught you mercy?

Moral leaders agree that the number one lesson we need to teach children is mercy. If the next generation is to survive in an ever-shrinking world full of very different cultures, the willingness to seek understanding and to dialogue across worldviews is key. The starting point for that kind of empathetic listening is

Are You A Lazy Lover?

How lazy are you?

Most would confess to sitting or lying around every now and then, even regularly, and doing nothing in order to relax and unwind. No dishes, no laundry, no shopping, no cooking, no house cleaning, no errands, no lawn or garden work – no matter how pleasurable, just sitting around – maybe even in loungewear, or less – and simply doing nothing but watch teevee, eat snacks, and drink.

Even a day, or two, of such doing-nothingness, or “vegetating,” can be rejuvenating. After all, the ethic of six days of work, and resting on the seventh, has significant long-standing in almost every society and culture worldwide.

And in actuality, little, if anything, is ever made of anyone who does that, even with calculable regularity. But the person who does that habitually, justifiably earns our ire, and they are few, and far between.

No one would imagine calling anyone “lazy” who regularly took a day or two of such relaxation. But consider this: Even if in the small seemingly inconsequential things we do nothing, we run the risk of active destruction. Here’s what I mean.

At its core, that concept is somewhat similar to the term

Rise Up In Faith

Talk about “life-threatening”: Sometimes vitality itself is the threat! Lazarus was looking mighty good for a dead man after Jesus called him out of the tomb. So the religious authorities put Lazarus on their hit list along with Jesus. Next time, Lazarus might stay dead; however, nobody

Integrity Is The Best Calling Card

There are seemingly countless guides on how to write the perfect résumé. Nearly all suggest that you include lots of credentials and personal referrals of influential people. After all, it’s who you know and

Bathed In Grace

Not long before Jesus heals the sick man at the pool, He encounters the Samaritan woman at the well. The stories have much in common. Neither knew who Jesus was or the power He possessed, but Jesus knew everything about them — and offers to

Be The Change

We all suffer from a rash of too much information. Having facts on hand is not equivalent to “getting it,” that is, truly perceiving, and understanding the ramifications of what we know. What are we supposed to do about famine, stranded refugees, and about the many humanitarian crises of our era? What’s to be done about natural disasters, gun violence, global warming, and the neglected and abused children in our own cities? Jesus comes to heal our blindness, and to bring us into the light. Once we see, we are called to do.

Less Is More

The phrase “less is more” catches our attention because at first glance it seems illogical. How can less be more? They’re opposites, and of the two, “more” is often regarded as better. But taken in a different light, the phrase makes good sense. Maybe we

Turn It Over

One of the many advantages of memorized prayers such as the “Our Father” is that we can say them when we have no words of our own; we don’t have to think. That’s also one of their disadvantages: We don’t have to think. In fact,

Be Fast To Offer Assistance

Lent is just getting under way, a good time to carefully consider one of its key traditions: fasting. What can fasting mean in our health-conscious culture? The fasting of Lent is not about

Love Is Free

HAPPY VALENTINE’s DAY… to EVERYONE!

Today is a day in which we pagans… er, did I write that? – celebrate love. And to be certain, Love Is A Many Splendored Thing… or so the movie, song, and teevee “soap-opera” series of years gone by told us.

Love, at least the way others and I have seen it, is an act, and it is not exclusively a sexual one, though it also encompasses the same. Love is giving; love is sharing; sharing is caring; and caring moves us, it motivates us with compassion to either ease another’s suffering, or to join in unity with them, either psychically, or physically, or both.

For example, who ever had sex mad? Anecdotally, I know of no one, nor have I ever read, nor heard of anyone ever confessing to the same. Everyone who has sex has happy sex. Although, I suppose it’s possible to have sex when one is sad to lift the mood.

Nevertheless, as has always been the case, people will

Skeptical Of Authority

As any baker can tell you, a small amount of leaven — yeast — goes a long way, working its effect on a much larger mass of dough. For this reason

Time For Trial

Everyone experiences difficulties at some point in their lives. No matter how fortunate a person may be, going a lifetime without