A Baptist and a Methodist walk into a bar…

They’re both shot dead by the Church of God, who is then fought by the Assembly of God, and then attacked by the Church of Christ; and next, the Mormons come along, who are suddenly blindsided by the Jehovah’s Witnesses and the Seventh Day Adventists, while the Catholics & Episcopalians both fight the Presbyterians & Lutherans on the side. In walk the Moonies with the Unitarians, and everybody turns on them. Meanwhile, the Quakers, the Amish, Mennonites, and Buddhists stand by and watch it all unfold.

That’s the gist of what’s happening in the Middle East— a bunch of goddamn religious nuts fighting each other over their private interpretation of their preferred religion.

Here in America, goddamn religious nuts want to inject their preferred flavor of religion into government (which the Constitution specifically forbids) by sticking their noses into other peoples’ private lives, outlawing certain medical procedures which they find objectionable (What’s next? Colonoscopies? Pap smears? Testicular exams?), forbidding birth control, in vitro fertilization, freezing embryos, stem cell research, denying sex education and healthcare to everyone, while they secretly molest children, young girls, and teens, then go preach about “sin” and “love” afterward, and tell their parishioners along with the news media that Wiccans and Satanists had been doing it all along, by calling it “Satanic Ritual Abuse.”

That poor ol’ mythological “devil” is an easy punching bag, and catches hell for everything. Must be why the Rolling Stones composed “Sympathy for the Devil” in 1968.

After speaking a few magic words, and waving his magick wand, (on table) God pulls the unimaginably vast cosmos out of his top hat.

Meanwhile the widow, the orphan, prisoners, the stranger among you, and the least of these all look at them in dismay and wonder if there really is any such thing as “god,” because from their perspective, it sure doesn’t look like it.

Fuck ‘em all.

Every goddamn rotten one of ‘em — the dirty rotten religious bastard hater hypocrites.🖕🏽

They’re no better than the goddamn Muslims who are at each others’ throats.

And according to the bizarre monotheistic Judeo-Christian-Islamic mythology, not only are they a bunch of inbreds, anyway, but their “god” is a magician who spoke a few magic words and *!*POOF*!* like a rabbit out of a top hat, everything just appeared out of nothing everywhere (ex nihilo, it’s called in their theological seminaries)… in 6, literal 24-hour periods.

That’s not even a good fairy tale.

Then, there’s their “giant boat that saves the world” myth – or, at least

Things Don’t Look Good For Alabama State Representative Will Dismukes

Be very wary of an attorney who says these type things about his client:

“Will is young and is learning some hard lessons. But he’s a very convicted man. He’s very convicted in his faith and he’s very convicted in his character. He’s very convicted in his heritage. And Will’s not a person who’s going to shy away from the tough questions to satisfy folks. And that upsets a lot of people. And I understand that. Especially in these times.

“But Will’s not going to admit to something he didn’t do. And he’s not going to step down from a position that he was elected to that he’s trying to do a good job at just because someone has pointed the finger and tried to make him out to be a bad guy. He’s a fighter. I’d be surprised if he resigns.”

Learning hard lessons…

Convicted – 4 times!…

Heritage – especially if you’re aligned with a White Supremacist group…

Resigns…

When your own attorney uses those words in response to the charges, you gotta’ KNOW that it prolly won’t go well.

So already, things don’t look good for Will Dismukes.

A since-deleted Facebook social media post by Will Dismukes, a White Republican member of the Alabama State House of Representatives, State House District 88, who was at the time, also a Baptist pastor of Pleasant Hill Baptist Church, Prattville. Dismukes resigned after 3 days of outcry following discovery of this since-deleted social media post. “Fort Dixie” is the Selma, Alabama, home of Patricia Godwin, a woman with deep ties to the neo-Confederate cause and organized hate.

You should be concerned particularly, and especially if

Love Is Not Like That

(Previously titled: Thoughts on Religious “Free Will”)

Recently, in conversation with friends over the evening meal (supper) at a nearby restaurant, a comment was made observing something to the effect of recent global events, specifically, Iraqi uprisings in that nation, which in turn quickly segued into a remark by that same one, which was something to the effect of “the LORD is doing wonderful things in that nation,” or very similar.

About two days later, in conversation with another different friend, I shared that experience, and the remarks, and commented that, “You know, it’s as if the people who say things like that are proud of their god, as it like they trained it. ‘Attaboy, god! You go! You’re doing such a good job! We’re proud of you!’ It’s as if they’re praising a child for doing something good, proper, or right.”

Additional remarks might be something like, ‘There you go, god! You’re doing a good job! Keep up the good work! You’re doing SO MUCH BETTER! Earlier, you weren’t worth a shit… but NOW!?! You’re doing FANTASTIC work!’

You see how absurd that is?

If a person has a god which is an omniscient, omnipotent being, why would that one need praise? It’s wholly, entirely, and totally absurd. People only praise those whom are doing things they approve of, and who have some semblance of commonality – who share an often-unifying common bond – either by sharing national origin, or some other similar factor.

Praise the astronauts who were the volunteer human subjects who sat atop rockets destined (hopefully) for outer space, for their heroic actions, and intestinal fortitude. But, they were mere men, as well. It’s the same thing for firefighters, who, instead of running out of a burning building, rush headlong INTO it.

It’s totally contrary to what our natural instincts (the preservation of life) are.

And yet, some even died in those processes – of space exploration, and saving others’ lives and property.

And if they survive, all of them age, and eventually later die.

And by golly, if a god is all that and a bag of chips, what’s the point?

Seriously.

Heaping praise for an omniscient, omnipotent being from those who are utterly the epitome of stupidity?

C’mon…

If that’s not a case of putting the cart before the horse, I don’t know what is.

It’d be like having a child heaping praise upon Albert Einstein (1879-1955) for developing the Theory of Relativity, or praising Robert Boyle (1627-1691) for discovering Boyle’s Law, or congratulating Italian scientist Amedeo Avogadro (1776-1856) for discovering Avogadro’s number/constant.

It’s utterly inconsistent with the idea of praise for congratulations, adulation, or adoration to come from below. Properly, praise comes from above. Your boss, or supervisor praises you. Or, even a colleague praises you. But hardly ever does an inferior praise a superior. While it does, and has happened, it’s certainly not the norm.

But again, I digress.

The point I had hoped to express was about the idea of “free will” as often expressed by Baptists, and other right-wing extremist Christian faith traditions.

Over supper, I expressed my thoughts to the friend, that I

We Need Prayer Back In Schools!

“We need prayer back in schools!,” said someone.

“Okay,” I said. “Whose prayer do you want? The Episcopalians? The Baptists? The Methodists? Church of Christ? What about the Jehovah’s Witnesses? Or the Seventh Day Adventists? Do you want the Primitive Baptists, or the Free Will Baptists?

From Here To There: A Brief Journey In Life

Having been raised in the Methodist church, over time, I had “been around” in various Christian traditions

– including participation in by membership in some – 

such as:

• independent
• inter-denominational
• trans-denominational
• non-denominational
• make-your-own church
• Pentecostal (talking in tongues, dancing, but no snake handling)
• Church of God
• Church of Christ
• Church of God in Christ
• Baptist (hard shell, soft shell, primitive, mainline, and corn on the cob varieties)
• Cumberland Presbyterian
• Presbyterian
• Seventh-Day Adventist
• Lutheran
• Evangelical Protestant
• Episcopal
• Anglican (Anglican Diocese of San Joaquin – Southern Cone, while in California)

and then, finally…

God is punishing Oklahoma with tornadoes.

Recently, Moore, OK was devastated by a mile-wide twister.
Serves ’em right.
God hates fags.
Our government should do nothing.
Everybody knows, this is an act of God.
God is punishing Oklahoma for their wickedness.
This is purely a religious matter, and government should get out of the way.
This has NOTHING to do with climate change.
Insurance companies should cancel & deny coverage.
They have that right.
Tough luck.
Suck it up.
Oh… wait.
It was.

The reader should understand, this is PURE SARCASM.

What is sarcasm?

Simply put, sarcasm is

Alabama is USA’s 2d most religious state

Alabama also ranks up there in poverty, divorce, sexually transmitted diseases, lack of a high school education, spousal abuse, and…

Thank God for Mississippi, eh?

—

Gallup: Alabama 2nd most religious state in America

By George Talbot | gtalbot@al.com
on February 17, 2013 at 10:51 AM, updated February 17, 2013 at 12:31 PM

Alabama ranked as the nation’s second most religious state in 2012, behind Mississippi and tied with Utah, according to a new survey by Gallup.

The Washington, D.C.-based polling firm found that 56 percent of Alabama residents identified themselves as “very religious” – based on saying religion is an important part of their daily life and that they attend religious services every week or almost every week.

Alabama trailed only Mississippi, its Deep South neighbor, where

Support Schools & Private Enterprise, Drink Jack Daniel’s Old No. 7 Whiskey

Having apparently not blogged about this, I find myself remiss that I so negligently – if inadvertently – omitted this news story… which I’m about to bash.

Before I proceed however, Alabama‘s governor, Dr. Robert J. Bentley, MD (a retired dermatologist), when he was campaigning for the office, on Thursday, June 17, 2010 vowed that, “I will forgo a salary as state representative for the rest of my term and will not accept a salary as Governor until Alabama reaches full employment.” To his credit, he has lived up to that vow, and has only accepted what is legally mandated – $1.00/month as representative, and has been reimbursed for minimal incidentals or travel-related expenses. The state’s records show he has collected about $2,100 in travel reimbursements during his term as governor. Alabama’s governor’s salary is about $112,000; and so far, as governor, he has only been paid $2 in salary.

Part of the irony of liquor, taxes and employment is that Dr. Bentley is a Southern Baptist. And for many years he has been a deacon at First Baptist Church in Tuscaloosa. As a denomination, Baptists are well-known and avowed tee-totalers, who continue to badmouth beverage alcohol. I suppose in some way, they could be considered modern Prohibitionists. But here, in this scenario, Alabamians – whose population is significantly Protestant – have enjoyed the jobs and money that making whiskey provides.

I suppose, however, that the irony is not lost on others, for the Amish grow tobacco, yet eschew its use. Similarly, many religious Afghanis (most who practice Islam) have grown marijuana and/or opium poppy to provide for their households, yet use neither. The discussion of the ethics of such decisions would be fascinating – at least it would be to me.

Now, on to the news.

It’s not the news, per se, but the atrocious writing which aggrieves me so.

Actually, the plant will be near Decatur, Alabama. More specifically, it will be located in the Mallard Fox West Industrial Complex, along Alabama Highway 20 in Trinity, Alabama. The complex is located in Lawrence County, which is the adjacent county WEST of Morgan County.

Location of Mallard Fox West Industrial Complex in Lawrence, County, Alabama

But this raises another question, and it is this: If someone wrote that New York was in Los Angeles, you’d think them insane, right?

Well, why then would you not think the same for those who make such egregious errors as is so blatantly displayed in the following headline, and story?

DAMN IT, MAN!

GET IT RIGHT!

And

Things Alabama ain’t got… Mega Millions Lottery

Some folks would say “common sense,” and to some extent, that’s probably true.

Well… better make that “to a great extent.”

But, a state lottery is another thing Alabama ain’t got.

And, the Republicans in the legislature in the past administration and the present administration seem to have absolutely no inclination to allow the people the opportunity to vote on it… whether to have state sponsored gammlin’, that is.

Folks’ve tried to get one for education but have failed. And, in a move called “proration,” the governor this year cut all state budgets across the board by 10.6%, excluding education, because Alabama’s state constitution, for better or for worse, forbids going into debt and requires a balanced budget. Bonds are a different matter.

But, one other thing the state’s legislature doesn’t do

Feel like an economic victim? Here’s how to TAKE CONTROL!

Seal of the Great State of Alabama - Sweet Home Alabama

You’re laid off, the victim of downsizing, or your company went belly up… and you can’t find work.

What to do next?

Thanksgiving Carp (or should it be “crap”?)

My Thanksgiving this year was unremarkable.

I said jokingly – although with serious intent – that I should’ve gone to the homeless shelter to eat. At least that way I would’ve had some turkey, dressing and traditional food!

The ironic part of it all, was that I bought enough groceries to feed an army: 25 lb turkey, 20 lb ham, 10 lb pork tenderloin, 7 lb of three types sausage, 2 lb slab-cut bacon, mushrooms (shitake, portobello & white), onions, leeks, fresh spinach, cream, genuine maple syrup, pecans, walnuts, tomato paste, salad dressings, cheeses, and much, much more (over $300 worth)! The meat is now residing in the freezer, while the other perishables are in the refrigerator’s cooler drawer.

Perhaps it was my Matthew 22:9 moment. The well-read will recall that is the parable of the feast taught by Jesus Christ, in which the king made ready a feast but the invited guests didn’t show up. So, he commanded his servants to go out into the city streets, highways and byways and bid all to come to the feast.

My roommate is “vegetabletarian,” wasn’t invited anywhere by anyone she knew, and I didn’t get the invite from my folks because they were invited by my brother’s in-laws (Clifford & Jolene) to their place. I thought that was kind’a ass-holey of them, not my folks, to not invite me. I’m the elder of two, have neither spouse nor children, and don’t lead a secret life. Which is to say, C&J and all the gang know that. I guess they gave me the great big “FUCK YOU” this year.

But oh, dear LORD… don’t let ’em think for one moment they might be “dissing” me – their artificially nice world would cave in around them. But know what’s weird? He’s a Baptist-turned-Independent “holiness” preacher.

See what I mean? At least if I ate with the homeless folks, I’d have been around some folks that would’ve taken an interest in me.

As it was, I enjoyed the fellowship of one human being – my roommate and her dog Atticus – and one other… Mr. Jack Daniel’s whiskey.

Okay, enough carping.

So, the first turkey I had this season was at – of all places – a Chinese restaurant, the Sunday after Thanksgiving! Oh yeah… I also had some of my favorites: octopus salad, raw oysters, shrimp and kimchi, along with some beef – cooked, of course (though I’ve eaten it raw… yum! *LOL*).

I had a couple of laughs that day with my waitress and the folks at the table next to mine. I’m a personable fellow, and I like to laugh and smile.

Folks that know me, know that.

In retrospect, I suppose it all worked out for the best… though I still think it sucks.