United In Love

The church teaches that marriage is a sacrament for many reasons. A commitment this profound, which leads a couple to

All God Wants Is Our Heart

Widowed young (age 28) and suddenly, Jane Frances de Chantal (1572-1641) faced a difficult life raising her six children alone. Then she chanced to hear Francis de Sales preach and became his lifelong friend. She was taken by the notion that “all God wants is our heart,” and her writings are centered on the two facets of love: devotion to God and neighbor. She was

Bitter Criticism Is Like Cyanide To Relationships

Most people muddle through life without ever thinking about what they do, why they respond the way they do, how they can become better people, improve their emotional stability, change they way they respond, or increase their understanding of others or their relationships with them.

Why?

It’s not as if people are born as experts on themselves or human relationships. And merely “being oneself” is no guarantee of anything remotely resembling self understanding.

It’s important to talk about how we feel, and what we think without negative criticism from each other. Open lines of communication are imperative to maintaining and nourishing relationships. Communication must be ongoing, open, honest, and without strident tones and condemnation.

It would seem reasonable then, to seek understanding not only about oneself, but about others, and relationships, and to endeavor to improve oneself and one’s relationships with others… especially and particularly familial and spousal relationships. Could it be that bilateral lack of such effort – aka LAZINESS – is responsible for the increase in divorce rates in America? For lack of genuine emotional intimacy? Lack of sexual intimacy? Lack of proper parenting?

People are not born smart. We’re born stupid. It’s a choice to remain that way.

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“People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.”
– Gary Chapman

It’s Not Me, It’s You: Why Criticism Poisons Happy Marriages By Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott 

Criticism is an insidious behavior that comes into marriage and eats at the core of our identity. Few things will shut down intimacy quite like being criticized or controlled, and it is capable of immobilizing your emotional health and personal growth, especially within your relationship.

Nobody enjoys being criticized or picked apart, but it’s especially painful when your spouse – your soul mate – is the one being critical and hurtful to you. It’s demoralizing to be treated this way when you’re doing your best to make a contribution and add value to your relationship… but you get criticized instead of appreciated. Criticism can easily break a heart, and that’s a terrible place to be in your marriage.

What makes a person critical?

We often refer to critical people as “control freaks” or “high-maintenance people.” Control freaks are compelled to

Phubbing: What Is It, And How To Avoid It

Could Phubbing Be Secretly Ruining Your Marriage?
By Kylie Matthew

(This IS a problem. I see it all too often in my counseling practice. – Debbie Preece, MA)

New research suggests this pernicious problem is wrecking emotional havoc.

Do you spend more quality time with your phone than you do with your spouse? Are you compulsively checking for notifications and endlessly scrolling through your social media feeds while in the presence of your honey?

If this sounds like you, you may be one of millions of people experiencing what is a relatively new psychological condition known as ‘phubbing’ that, according to influential new research, may be slowly eroding your relationship with your partner.

Phone addiction is a ‘thing.’ Seriously

Phubbing is a portmanteau of ‘phone’ and ‘snubbing’ and occurs when conversation is interrupted by attention being given to a smart phone rather than the person you’re with. When it’s your loved one who bears the brunt of this compulsive action, it’s called phubbing – partner phone snubbing.

It’s a phenomenon directly resulting from the emergence of ‘phone addiction’ that, according to an extensive review of recent studies on the condition, is a problem tightly linked to unprecedented technological development over the past decade.

Unlike other forms of behavioral addiction such as gambling or gaming, in the same report it was noted that phone addiction seemingly affects young, extroverted women more than anyone else. (All ages and sexes are vulnerable.)

This isn’t surprising according to one of Australia’s foremost experts on relationships. “This is

National Sex Day Was June 9th: Are You Getting Any?

June 9th was National Sex Day.

Did you miss it?

While it certainly seems there’s more discussion and research about sex and sexuality now than ever before, there remains an alarming information gap between what science and researchers know, and what lay people know (first of a few unintended puns herein that seem to work). There are numerous good reasons to enjoy sexual intercourse, not the least of which is for what is contributes to one’s emotional well-being, and physical health.

Cindy M. Meston, Ph.D., Director of the University of Texas at Austin’s Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory noted that the hormone prolactin is released during orgasm, and is at naturally higher levels during sleep, suggesting that orgasms may help sleep. Psychology Professor Stuart Brody, Ph.D., and other researchers at the University of the West of Scotland found that people who had intercourse at least once over a period of two weeks managed stressful situations better. Researchers at Southern Illinois University‘s Headache Clinic found that half of female migraine sufferers reported relief after climaxing, because endorphins (so-called “feel good” hormones) released during orgasm closely resemble morphine in chemical structure. And with females, uterine contractions which occur naturally during orgasm also (to some extent) eliminate cramp-causing compounds during menstruation. And yes, it’s perfectly fine to have sexual intercourse during menstruation… despite what any religious texts may say otherwise.

Edith Lees & Havelock Ellis

“Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex.—So, at least, it seems to me.”

– Dr. Havelock Ellis, MD, July 1897,
general preface to “Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 1“

According to

Yet Another Real Life Story And Reason Why #Abortion Should NOT Be…

A longtime, and dear friend recently chose to share her own very personal story.

I share it here with her permission.

Though I am certain she would not object, I have chosen to omit her name.

The reader should be aware that Ethan is her and her husband’s young boy, and firstborn.

Used With Permission

—/—

This is private, but I am going to put it out there to put a face on an issue for some of my friends.

On Tuesday, I lost two great sources of hope for the future. One was the election, but the other was more personal. Midday, before the polls ever closed, and right as I was returning one turf to Headquarters to pick up another, I got a phone call that brought me to my knees.

I was pregnant, ya’ll. I was 11 weeks on Election Day, and it had been a dicey start, but we thought we had made it. We were already discussing adorable ways to make it FB official. We anxiously awaited the results of this genetic test that would tell us the sex, so we could hopefully rest a bit easier if it was a girl (because of the pattern of kidney disease in my family).

The doc gently informed me that it was a little boy, and he had trisomy 18. Either I would naturally miscarry, or I would watch my baby die a slow and painful death over the course of a few days, months, or maybe a year. My worst nightmare was coming true, and I was terrified that I would

How to Keep Sex Fun

Matters of relationships, marriage, or sexuality don’t often appear herein, but there are occasions in which they do. It’s somewhat like a PSA (Public Service Announcement), not often heard, but occasionally beneficial and necessary for select and interested parties. It is in that perspective that I offer the following.

Enjoy!

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How to Keep Sex Fun

by Gary and Barbara Rosberg

During an interview with Christian sex therapists Clifford and Joyce Penner, e-Harmony founder Neil Clark Warren asked, “What percentage of couples can attain a mutually satisfying sexual relationship?” The Penners responded, “100 percent of them. We’ve never worked with a single married couple whom we felt were incapable of attaining a high level of sexual satisfaction with each other.”

Couples often ask us how to keep the excitement in sex. Our answer: Stay connected. Being connected body to body and heart to heart is what makes sex fulfilling and fun. Here are 13 ways you and your spouse can have more passion.

1. Kiss deeply.
Do you remember the kind of kissing you did when you first fell in love? Do you still kiss that deeply and passionately? Rediscover passionate kissing. Take your time. Enjoy the touch and taste of each other’s lips.

2. Bask in the afterglow.
Savor the closeness you feel after having sex. Stay in each other’s arms. Tell your spouse how good it felt and how much you love him or her. This is one of the most intimate times as a couple.

3. Become a student of your spouse’s sexual zones.
One episode of the sitcom Friends dealt with the different erogenous zones. The characters were discussing

Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships

By David Hill

Love. It’s right up there with air, food, and water as the most necessary of ingredients for existence. And yet it is one of the hardest things to find, and perhaps an even harder thing to hold on to.

The truth is you’re not perfect, and neither is your spouse. But you can be perfectly imperfect together. In Wabi Sabi Love, international bestselling author and relationship expert Arielle Ford applies the wisdom of Wabi Sabi-the ancient Japanese idea of illuminating the beauty in imperfection-to love relationships. Wabi Sabi Love is the practice of exploring, embracing, and cherishing the quirks, irritations, and limitations that make you and your partner unique and that form your shared history as a couple.

Wabi Sabi Love provides the tools to see yourself, your partner, and your partnership in an entirely new light, develop a deep and profound appreciation for each other, and experience more balance, harmony, and joy in your relationship than ever before. Wabi Sabi Love teaches you to:
• Turn conflict into connection and differences into mutual passions
• Move from “annoyed” to “enjoyed”
• Establish new beliefs and habits that better serve your relationship
• Cultivate humor, humility, and generosity to diffuse those moments when you would     normally retreat or slip into tired judgments, criticisms, or resentments

Here is one of the stories you will find in this book:

Mrs. Lee’ Story
The cool, quiet room was overflowing with the grieving faces of friends and family as the funeral director invited Mrs. Lee up to the podium to speak.* The petite, elegant widow walked slowly to the front of the small chapel and calmly began her eulogy. “I am not going to sing praises for my late husband. Not today. Neither am I going to talk about how good he was.” Mrs. Lee’s eyes flashed. “Enough people have done that here.” She took a deep breath, allowing the air to fill her lungs before she continued. “Instead, I want to talk about some things that will make some of you feel a bit uncomfortable.”

Several people stopped fanning themselves and sat up a little straighter. “First off, I want to

For the Men: Sexual Tips, Tricks and Hints Guaranteed to Make Her Happy!

Yeah.

Sex.

Okay.

Never thought you’d ever read about that here, now did you?

Read on.

#1: WET HANDS
Yep, it is the wet hands technique. Certainly one of the most popular among most women polled for this article. So simple. So exciting. You will leave her breathless.

Marriage Relationship Tips: For the women

Often, it has seemed that in popular culture we are told one thing by the many self-proclaimed “authorities” on the teevee (aka “boob tube”) whom daily parade their guests and others as know-it-alls, while unbeknown to the viewers, there may be an ‘agenda’ behind the show – that ‘agenda’ being the promotion of the host, and their ideas, exclusively for the purpose of making money, rather than promoting something that works – for the benefit of another, regardless of whether or not it enjoys popularity in media or culture.

Also, some authors whom have risen to popularity have promoted themselves as having educational or other professional licensing credentials, when in fact, they do not – or if they do possess educational credentials, they are questionable at best. And then, others have been promoted to popularity because of

Goin’ Postal… Alabama Style

Too weird to be true – nut it… er, but it is.

Click here to see the actual story in the newspaper that reported it – The Huntsvile… er, Huntsville Times.

However… a word to “the wise”: It ain’t worth it – neither death will resolve or solve anything. Tomorrow’s another day, and things will change. Just reach out and ask for help. You are loved more than you know.

Nothing is impossible with God, even help when you’re at your wit’s end.

Here is a prayer, especially for you:

Oh glorious apostle St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor who delivered thy beloved Master into the hands of His enemies has caused thee to be forgotten by many, but the Church honors and invokes thee universally as the patron of hopeless cases–of things despaired of. Pray for me who am so miserable; make use, I implore thee, of that particular privilege accorded thee of bringing visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need, that I may receive the consolations and succor of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, particularly ( -here mention your request- ), and that I may bless God with thee and all the elect throughout eternity. I promise thee, O blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, and I will never cease to honor thee as my special and powerful patron, and to do all in my power to encourage devotion to thee. Amen