Warm Southern Breeze

"… there is no such thing as nothing."

Posts Tagged ‘joke’

Cindy Hyde-Smith… a Mississippi joke of a U.S. Senator

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Thursday, March 25, 2021

Yesterday, Cindy Hyde-Smith, a White Banana Republican United States Senator from Mississippi made some genuinely STUPID remarks in a Senate Rules Committee hearing.

She’s the same Cindy Hyde-Smith who not too long ago infamously said “If he invited me to a public hanging, I’d be on the front row,” in Tupelo, MS after Colin Hutchinson, cattle rancher, praised her on November 11, 2018.

I’ll let the Wonkette site headline speak for me… at least in part – on her current stupidism.

Cindy Hyde-Smith Is A Mississippi Goddamn Moron

by Evan Hurst
March 24, 2021; 4:20 PM

“In the Senate today, during the Rules Committee’s big hearing on HR1/S1, the “For The People” Act, which among other things would protect the right to vote for ALL eligible Americans, Senator Cindy Hyde-Smith, a Republican from Not Georgia, let us know why she thinks people shouldn’t be able to vote on Sundays, and definitely not in Mississippi.”

First of all, she’s a Banana Republican.

Secondly, she attended a segregated, Whites-only High School.

Thirdly, she’s from Mississippi.

Fourthly, she’s a Trump sycophant.

Need I continue?

But ANYONE can view her remarks in context in the links below. Also, her remarks are transcribed as follows.

The FULL Committee hearing may be viewed here:
https://www.rules.senate.gov/hearings/watch?hearingid=92E7CB0D-5056-A066-6054-8B48164806BF

The pertinent excerpt occurs here:
https://www.c-span.org/video/?c4954273/user-clip-ms-sen-cindy-hyde-smith-sunday-god

Her remarks begin at 2:46:10 as Committee Chair Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar acknowledges Mississippi Senator Hyde-Smith, who then states, “Before we start, I have a question for the Chair,” addressed to Chair Amy Klobuchar, which Chair Klobuchar acknowledges, and bids her to continue, which she does, as follows: Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in - Did they REALLY say that?, - Faith, Religion, Goodness - What is the Soul of a man?, - Lost In Space: TOTALLY Discombobulated, - My Hometown is the sweetest place I know, - Politics... that "dirty" little "game" that first begins in the home., - Read 'em and weep: The Daily News, WTF | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Pretender Kelly Loeffler Stands With Cardboard Cutout Of Loser Trump. Will it bring good luck, or bad?

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Tuesday, December 15, 2020

 It’s entire apropos, of course, that Kelly Loeffler should be standing with a cardboard cut-out of Donald Trump, the loser of the 2020 General Election.

It’s a fake candidate standing with a fake of a faker.

That way, she can say that she “stands with” the fake president.

A cheap cardboard cutout is emblematic of his entire term in office, which Read the rest of this entry »

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Trump Signs Peace Deal With Nations Not At War

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Not to worry.

It’s just another episode of the Trump Surreality Show.

You haven’t missed anything.

“We say enough to our conflict, after years of not fighting each other, finally we’ll bring calm to Dubai’s surrounding areas,” the Netanyahu character sarcastically begins.

The opening line derided the fact that the so-called “peace deal” was in fact between two countries who had never been at war.

“Unlike Begin, I didn’t compromise on anything,” the Israeli figure continues, referring to former Prime Minister Menachem Begin signing a peace treaty with Egyptian president Anwar Sadat in 1979.

If you really want to know what people think about their politics, and (mis)leaders, look at their humor.

So, here’s what Israelis think about the not-really-a-peace deal the Carnival Barker in Chief manipulated today.

It’s just Read the rest of this entry »

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Toilet paper in short supply? Thank a Republican.

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Saturday, March 21, 2020

I did some research into the origins of such a thing as the “Toilet Paper Shortage,” and found it originated with a Republican, and Johnny Carson, the long-standing “Late Night” host on NBC, who, in December 1973 on The Tonight Show, made a joke that toilet paper was going to be in short supply.

His joke was based upon a little-known November 16th, 1973 press release by a Republican Representative from Wisconsin’s 8th Congressional District – whose constituents complained Read the rest of this entry »

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One Should Always Eat Foods In Season

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Thursday, February 20, 2020

Best grits joke I’ve ever heard was about a couple crisscrossing the nation, whose journeys took them to the Deep South.

Having traveled all day, they bedded down in a motel in Evergreen, AL. It’s tiny town, just off and barely east of I-65, and south of Georgiana. Perhaps you know exactly where it is… but chances are you don’t. So, here’s a map link to help you out. Or, if you prefer, here’s a pic.

So the next morning, as they were checking out of the Sleep Inn motel, they asked where they could get breakfast.

Shoney’s is just down the street,” replied the Desk Clerk. “They have an excellent breakfast buffet that’s to die for!”

The couple thanked her, walked out the door, got in their car, and headed the few hundred feet down to Shoney’s.

As they walked in and were seated, they took a few minutes to look over the menu, and while talking among themselves, the waiter walked up and took their drinks order.

“I’ll be back in a few moments to take your order,” he said as he turned away.

When he arrived at their table, with their orange juice, water, and coffee on a service platter, he started placing their drinks on the table and asked, “Have y’all decided? Our breakfast buffet is always popular, or you can order from the menu, or a la carte.”

Curiously, the couple’s better half replied, “What’s on the breakfast buffet?”

He began naming off the items. “Well, we have cheese & regular grits, oatmeal, 2 types sausage – link & patty – chicken fingers, bacon of course, dirty rice, biscuits, plain & sausage gravy, cantaloupe, strawberries, honeydew, grapes, and cottage cheese.”

“Wow! That sounds like a lot to choose from!,” exclaimed the couple’s better half, as she shut the menu and handed it over to him.

“Yes ma’am, we do our best to have quite a variety of items to offer, and if there’s an item that you want that’s not on there, we’ll do our best to get it for you!” He smiled broadly as he delivered his short dietary soliloquy. The gap in his toothy grin gave the couple a heartwarming, and down-home feeling. Read the rest of this entry »

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More Famous Last Words

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Friday, December 6, 2019

It’s still true:

We need a POTUS who’s not a laughingstock to the world.

By the way, the Idiot in Chief tweeted that Read the rest of this entry »

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Little Irritants

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Friday, July 14, 2017

The toilet lid is up.

The toilet seat is up.

The toothpaste cap is off.

The toothpaste tube is squeezed all over.

The toilet paper hangs off the back.

The toilet paper hangs off the front.

Dirty dishes remain in the kitchen sink overnight.

We are only as big as the smallest thing that irritates us.

Professor Dr. Robert Alter, PhD, professor of Hebrew and comparative literature at the University of California, Berkeley, wrote in his 1984 book “The Art of Biblical Poetry” that a dialogue with “the voices of two lovers, praising each other, yearning for each other, proffering invitations to enjoy” the sensuous joys of sexuality and the encouraging dialogue of friends occurs in Song of Solomon, the unmistakably erotic book in the Bible.

Feminist Biblical scholar Dr. Jo Cheryl Exum, PhD, Professor Emeritus at the University of Sheffield, England, in an expository entitled “Song of Songs” in the 2012 book “Women’s Bible Commentary,” wrote in part that, “We do not know whether or not the situation – love, one-to-one relationship – allowed a certain freedom from social constraints, or whether the genre (love poetry) of the social setting (private rather than public life) accounts for the Song’s unique portrayal of mutuality in love, but in any event, the Song testifies to a world-view that included a vision of romance in which Read the rest of this entry »

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#BREAKING NEWS! Florida Man Makes Funny Picture Holding Cat. Folks Get Mad… Again.

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Sunday, August 2, 2015

Recently, someone posted on FaceBook an image which almost instantly got some people frothing at the mouth.

Here’s a screenshot of the image as it appeared on Occupy Democrats FaceBook page.

The image is of a man later identified as Thomas Mcguinness of Port Charlotte, Florida, holding a cat by the scruff of its neck, who was subsequently investigated by Charlotte County Animal Control authorities. According to a report by the Fort Myers/Cape Coral News-Press, “after identifying the man in the picture as Thomas McGuinness, Animal Control officers met with him and all responsible parties, verifying that all of the domestic animals were alive and unharmed.”

Some folks get their panties in a wad...

Some folks get their panties in a wad over anything.
Note the date on the post.

I find no problem with that image, for the following reasons:

1.) Cats held in that manner are Read the rest of this entry »

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The Weird Church Lady

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Weirder & weirderThis cute meme reminds me of the story of a somewhat uncouth, and slovenly church lady who was almost constantly inviting the pastor over for a meal.

Being aware of her less-than-hygienic life practices & household condition, he politely declined at every opportunity when invited.

One day, she confided in him that she had “turned over a new leaf,” and that she’d spent quite some time cleaning & tidying up, and that her household was spic and span, from top to bottom. Being completely wearied of her seemingly incessant requests, he reluctantly accepted, and hoped to find her household in somewhat better condition than he’d seen it years ago.

When the day finally arrived, not knowing what to expect, he approached the front door with a mixture of eager anticipation, and trepidation.

He had no sooner finished knocking on the door, than Sister Smith opened the door and cheerily greeted the pastor.

“Hello, Pastor Jones!,” she excitedly exclaimed. “I’m ~so~ very glad you came! Won’t you please come in?”

“Thank you, Sister Smith,” he said as he stepped over the threshold into the living room.

Glancing around, he was utterly amazed at what he saw.

“Well… I declare! I’m practically speechless, Sister Smith!,” he exulted as he Read the rest of this entry »

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Help Wanted: Wal-Mart Door Greeter

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Monday, May 20, 2013

One of my fine friends had recently commented about the speed of thought. I was reminded of a recent story, apropos to his remark, and one told to me by a physician colleague.

It seems one of the local Wal-Marts had an opening for a Door Greeter job. The store manager published the help wanted notice & after receiving numerous applications, culled the job seekers to four.

Having thoroughly examined the applications, reviewed their resumes, and wanting to be as efficient as possible, he decided to conduct a group interview of the four sharpest candidates.

Because he wanted to see how they could think of their feet, he decided to ask them each a question and judge their response.

Turning to the first candidate, he said, “Young lady, what’s the fastest thing you can think of?”

She quickly replied saying, “A blink.”

“That’s good,” said the manager in response. “A blink is much less than a second, and the Scripture says Christ will come in the twinkling of an eye. That’s good.”

Turning to the second candidate, he asked Read the rest of this entry »

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An International Dialogue on the Recent Tragedy of an English Nurse’s Suicide

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Sunday, December 9, 2012

Over the past year, I have established friendship with a young man whom is an Irish resident. We share several common interests, among them our religious faith – we are both Catholic – and the creative arts – he is an active musician, while my musical talents & skills have taken a respite.

Recently, on his FaceBook page, he had shared a news story, which was in response to the news of the tragedy of the suicide of the English Nurse who had been involved in an international prank, and later found to have committed suicide.

While the volume of dialogue was principally between he and I, there were other respondents, some of whom were situated on the opposite side of the globe, in the Southern hemisphere, in Australia, where the prank originated.

As I returned to the post to read the other responses, it occurred to me that they were civil in tenor, and it was that aspect of the dialogue which was perhaps the most enjoyable, and which – as I perceive it – has remained sorely absent in many so-called online “forums.” The lack of civility has also taken a toll in politics, even on a worldwide basis. And that loss of civility is wholly and entirely regrettable.

So, it is because of the presence of civility – which is an acknowledgement of respect for another person, even though there may be vastly differing perspectives – that I wish to share the dialogue. For respect of others’ privacy, and because their identities are not germane to the topic, their names are redacted.

Young Irish Male: ‎Female 1, we were just talking about pranksters last week and how pranks really can destroy a persons life. This is just one example. Very sad story.

Nurse who took Kate prank call at hospital found dead
www.independent.ie
KATE Middleton said she was deeply saddened yesterday by the apparent suicide of a nurse who fell victim to a hoax during her stay in hospital.

Female 1: Oh i know..isn’t that just terrible! I put a video on just last week…i don’t know if it was real or not but it showed Read the rest of this entry »

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The economy is so bad that…

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

African television stations are now showing ‘Sponsor an American Child’ commercials!

Wives are having sex with their husbands because Read the rest of this entry »

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The Horth Whithperer

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Saturday, June 12, 2010

(If you don’t laugh out loud at this, you’re just not trying!)

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he”s sending a  friend over to look at a horse.

His buddy asks, “How will I recognize him?”

“That’s easy. He’s a dwarf with a speech impediment.”

So, the dwarf shows up, and the guy asks him if he”s looking for a male or female horse.

“A female horth.”

So he shows him a prized filly.

“Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?”

So the guy picks up the dwarf and he gives the horse’s eyes the once over.

“Nith eyeth, can I thee her …Continue…

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NJ authorities: 16 year old boy punked Wal-Martians

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Sunday, March 21, 2010

A 16-year old boy in southern New Jersey’s Washington Township accused of punking Wal-Mart shoppers in that town has been arrested and released into his parents’ custody.

Police said he used one of the courtesy phones, to calmly announce “Attention, Wal-Mart customers: All Black people, leave the store now,” was charged with harassment and bias intimidation, and were not aware if he had an attorney.

Gloucester County Prosecutor Sean Dalton said …Continue…

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“Attention, Wal-Mart customers: All Black people, leave the store now.”

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Yo yo yo yo yo!

Wassup brutha’ and sistas! It be lookin’ like muh folks in ‘da hood wuz dissed in Washington Township, New Jersey!

Yo yo yo yo!

We ain’ down wid it!

Breaking now from the jive blinglish, we shall continue in plain, ordinary, everyday English.

Last Sunday evening at a Wal-Mart store in southern New Jersey’s Washington Township, a calm male voice came over the public-address system and announced: “Attention, Wal-Mart customers: All black people, leave the store now.

Moments later, a store manager quickly …Continue…

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“Doctor, I was wondering…”

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Call in on a teevee news show’s “Back Talk” segment:

“Doctor, I have a rod in my back that extends up to the plate in my head, and down into my leg, past my knee, which makes me walk funny.

“What I’m wondering is, ‘will this set off the airport metal detectors’?”

***************************************************************************

“Brain Salad Surgery, It will murder you, it murdered me. We made it for our enemy, Brain Salad Surgery. We’ve got a ballad, About a salad brain, with a surgeon with a dirty dinner game.”

Lyric excerpt from:
BRAIN SALAD SURGERY, (ASCAP Title Code: 320185215)

Writers:
Keith Noel Emerson
Gregory Lake
Peter John Sinfield

Performers:
EMERSON/LAKE/PALMER

Publishers/Administrators:
Leadchoice Limited
c/o Music Sales Corp.
257 Park Avenue S
20th Floor
New York, NY 10010
Tel. (212) 254-2100
Email: joe.dipinto@musicsales.com

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