Help Wanted: Wal-Mart Door Greeter

One of my fine friends had recently commented about the speed of thought. I was reminded of a recent story, apropos to his remark, and one told to me by a physician colleague.

It seems one of the local Wal-Marts had an opening for a Door Greeter job. The store manager published the help wanted notice & after receiving numerous applications, culled the job seekers to four.

Having thoroughly examined the applications, reviewed their resumes, and wanting to be as efficient as possible, he decided to conduct a group interview of the four sharpest candidates.

Because he wanted to see how they could think of their feet, he decided to ask them each a question and judge their response.

Turning to the first candidate, he said, “Young lady, what’s the fastest thing you can think of?”

She quickly replied saying, “A blink.”

“That’s good,” said the manager in response. “A blink is much less than a second, and the Scripture says Christ will come in the twinkling of an eye. That’s good.”

Turning to the second candidate, he asked the same question. “What’s the quickest thing you can think of?”

The man responded saying, “A thought.”

The manager said “That’s good! Thoughts are fleeting things. They’re here one moment and gone the next. That’s very good.”

Then turning to the third candidate, a college student, he posed the same question. “What’s the fastest thing you can think of?”

Without hesitation, the young lady replied, “The speed of light.”

“That’s excellent! At 186,000 miles per second, we don’t know anything faster than the speed of light. That’s very good!”

At this point, the manager thought to himself that he’d picked some excellently qualified candidates, and was thoroughly satisfied with their responses.

Turning then, to the fourth and final candidate he paused briefly as he sized him up.

He was a very hillbilly backwoods looking character, although his application and resume were among the four strongest.

The manager then said to the final candidate, “What’s the fastest thing you can think of?”

Without a moment’s hesitation, and in a very twangy tone of voice, the hayseed-appearing candidate said, “Diarrhea.”

“Diarrhea?,” said the manger in quizzical reply.

Mustering all he could do to keep from laughing out loud, he asked, “Why do you say ‘diarrhea’?”

Not skipping a beat, the hayseed hillbilly replied in a very pronounced twang, “Well… the other day, I had some Chinese food, and about midnight, before I could blink, think, or turn on the light, I’d done messed myself.”