Warm Southern Breeze

"… there is no such thing as nothing."

Posts Tagged ‘laugh’

It’s A Dog’s Life… And They Called It ‘Puppy Love’

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Saturday, July 4, 2015

So, as it turns out, I bought these as a treat for my puppy. And what do you think she did? Read on to find out!

So, as it turns out, I bought these as a treat for my puppy. And what do you think she did? Read on to find out!

So…

a few days ago, as a treat,

I bought pig ears at a Kroger grocery store for Queenie, my 11 month old mixed-breed (sometimes aka “Heinz 57” – as in 57 different varieties) puppy.

Last night I Read the rest of this entry »

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You’re not from around here, are you?

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Monday, July 15, 2013

The “Georgia Walnut Pie,” seen here at Harbor View Cafe, Pepin, Wisconsin (Originally uploaded by rabidscottsman)

An alternate title for this entry might be: Walnuts, Pies, Strippers & Experts

Of course, that makes no sense. And for some, it makes neither cents, nor dollars.

But never you mind.

Pie and ice cream.

Who doesn’t like it?

Sounds dee-lish… right?

Any kind of pie, and almost any kind of ice cream. I say “any kind” with a caveat. Any kind EXCEPT Neapolitan. That’s horrid. Truly horrid. Whoever imagined the idea of “Neapolitan” ice cream is probably now suffering eternal punishment – a special torture reserved exclusively for the damned.

And, perhaps somebody should tell those folks.

I mean to refer to the folks that came up with a name like “Georgia Walnut Pie.”

Somebody should tell those folks that… Read the rest of this entry »

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This is only a test.

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Thursday, October 7, 2010

Do you remember “back in the day” when occasionally, a horribly wretched noise would emerge from your teevee or raydeeo set and the announcer’s voice would say “This is only a test.”?

If you do, good. If you don’t… read up on your current history! *LOL*

Now, whatever you do, DON’T click here to …read more…

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The economy is so bad that…

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

African television stations are now showing ‘Sponsor an American Child’ commercials!

Wives are having sex with their husbands because Read the rest of this entry »

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The Horth Whithperer

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Saturday, June 12, 2010

(If you don’t laugh out loud at this, you’re just not trying!)

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he”s sending a  friend over to look at a horse.

His buddy asks, “How will I recognize him?”

“That’s easy. He’s a dwarf with a speech impediment.”

So, the dwarf shows up, and the guy asks him if he”s looking for a male or female horse.

“A female horth.”

So he shows him a prized filly.

“Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?”

So the guy picks up the dwarf and he gives the horse’s eyes the once over.

“Nith eyeth, can I thee her …Continue…

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Laugh Out Loud, with the “Official” Comics.com Widget!

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, June 9, 2010

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“Doctor, I was wondering…”

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Call in on a teevee news show’s “Back Talk” segment:

“Doctor, I have a rod in my back that extends up to the plate in my head, and down into my leg, past my knee, which makes me walk funny.

“What I’m wondering is, ‘will this set off the airport metal detectors’?”

***************************************************************************

“Brain Salad Surgery, It will murder you, it murdered me. We made it for our enemy, Brain Salad Surgery. We’ve got a ballad, About a salad brain, with a surgeon with a dirty dinner game.”

Lyric excerpt from:
BRAIN SALAD SURGERY, (ASCAP Title Code: 320185215)

Writers:
Keith Noel Emerson
Gregory Lake
Peter John Sinfield

Performers:
EMERSON/LAKE/PALMER

Publishers/Administrators:
Leadchoice Limited
c/o Music Sales Corp.
257 Park Avenue S
20th Floor
New York, NY 10010
Tel. (212) 254-2100
Email: joe.dipinto@musicsales.com

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Thanksgiving Carp (or should it be “crap”?)

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, December 2, 2009

My Thanksgiving this year was unremarkable.

I said jokingly – although with serious intent – that I should’ve gone to the homeless shelter to eat. At least that way I would’ve had some turkey, dressing and traditional food!

The ironic part of it all, was that I bought enough groceries to feed an army: 25 lb turkey, 20 lb ham, 10 lb pork tenderloin, 7 lb of three types sausage, 2 lb slab-cut bacon, mushrooms (shitake, portobello & white), onions, leeks, fresh spinach, cream, genuine maple syrup, pecans, walnuts, tomato paste, salad dressings, cheeses, and much, much more (over $300 worth)! The meat is now residing in the freezer, while the other perishables are in the refrigerator’s cooler drawer.

Perhaps it was my Matthew 22:9 moment. The well-read will recall that is the parable of the feast taught by Jesus Christ, in which the king made ready a feast but the invited guests didn’t show up. So, he commanded his servants to go out into the city streets, highways and byways and bid all to come to the feast.

My roommate is “vegetabletarian,” wasn’t invited anywhere by anyone she knew, and I didn’t get the invite from my folks because they were invited by my brother’s in-laws (Clifford & Jolene) to their place. I thought that was kind’a ass-holey of them, not my folks, to not invite me. I’m the elder of two, have neither spouse nor children, and don’t lead a secret life. Which is to say, C&J and all the gang know that. I guess they gave me the great big “FUCK YOU” this year.

But oh, dear LORD… don’t let ’em think for one moment they might be “dissing” me – their artificially nice world would cave in around them. But know what’s weird? He’s a Baptist-turned-Independent “holiness” preacher.

See what I mean? At least if I ate with the homeless folks, I’d have been around some folks that would’ve taken an interest in me.

As it was, I enjoyed the fellowship of one human being – my roommate and her dog Atticus – and one other… Mr. Jack Daniel’s whiskey.

Okay, enough carping.

So, the first turkey I had this season was at – of all places – a Chinese restaurant, the Sunday after Thanksgiving! Oh yeah… I also had some of my favorites: octopus salad, raw oysters, shrimp and kimchi, along with some beef – cooked, of course (though I’ve eaten it raw… yum! *LOL*).

I had a couple of laughs that day with my waitress and the folks at the table next to mine. I’m a personable fellow, and I like to laugh and smile.

Folks that know me, know that.

In retrospect, I suppose it all worked out for the best… though I still think it sucks.

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