Warm Southern Breeze

"… there is no such thing as nothing."

Posts Tagged ‘pie’

The Weird Church Lady

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Weirder & weirderThis cute meme reminds me of the story of a somewhat uncouth, and slovenly church lady who was almost constantly inviting the pastor over for a meal.

Being aware of her less-than-hygienic life practices & household condition, he politely declined at every opportunity when invited.

One day, she confided in him that she had “turned over a new leaf,” and that she’d spent quite some time cleaning & tidying up, and that her household was spic and span, from top to bottom. Being completely wearied of her seemingly incessant requests, he reluctantly accepted, and hoped to find her household in somewhat better condition than he’d seen it years ago.

When the day finally arrived, not knowing what to expect, he approached the front door with a mixture of eager anticipation, and trepidation.

He had no sooner finished knocking on the door, than Sister Smith opened the door and cheerily greeted the pastor.

“Hello, Pastor Jones!,” she excitedly exclaimed. “I’m ~so~ very glad you came! Won’t you please come in?”

“Thank you, Sister Smith,” he said as he stepped over the threshold into the living room.

Glancing around, he was utterly amazed at what he saw.

“Well… I declare! I’m practically speechless, Sister Smith!,” he exulted as he Read the rest of this entry »

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You’re not from around here, are you?

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Monday, July 15, 2013

The “Georgia Walnut Pie,” seen here at Harbor View Cafe, Pepin, Wisconsin (Originally uploaded by rabidscottsman)

An alternate title for this entry might be: Walnuts, Pies, Strippers & Experts

Of course, that makes no sense. And for some, it makes neither cents, nor dollars.

But never you mind.

Pie and ice cream.

Who doesn’t like it?

Sounds dee-lish… right?

Any kind of pie, and almost any kind of ice cream. I say “any kind” with a caveat. Any kind EXCEPT Neapolitan. That’s horrid. Truly horrid. Whoever imagined the idea of “Neapolitan” ice cream is probably now suffering eternal punishment – a special torture reserved exclusively for the damned.

And, perhaps somebody should tell those folks.

I mean to refer to the folks that came up with a name like “Georgia Walnut Pie.”

Somebody should tell those folks that… Read the rest of this entry »

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A Recipe for Disaster… naw, not really. A Recipe for Apple Cobbler/Pie! Yummy!

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Okay, for those of you reading this whom don’t already know, I post  photographs on Flickr. As I’ve said, there are only two photographic subjects: 1.) people; and, 2.) things. Food is included in the latter category.

If your tastebuds are brain is working, you’ll need to make this recipe.

Here, from my Flickr page – in all it’s glory – is my recipe.

Okay, folks! Do you know what time it is?

Nope, it’s not”Howdy Doody time,” it’s RECIPE time! Yaaaay!

Yup, I made another’n!

I like cooking (I wrote that again, just for you folks that’re seeing my photostream – and foodshots – for the first time.) So, I take pictures of the food I cook… and eat. Yup. Wowser, eh?

Anyway… this is a total delight – to prepare and consume! (At least that’s what the consumers said, ’cause I didn’t get to eat much of it! The leftovers were eaten by my neighbors. *LOL*)

I prepared it as part of a “beerbecue” with some friends I’d made through Flickr! Yaay, Flickr! House of Sims – Great folks, great family, great photographer!

Anyway… back to the recipe thingy.

When I’d gone up to Sewanee, TN a few days back, I’d bought some fresh fruit & veggies from a roadside vendor while on the way back home. (I’d purposed to do that, having seen him on the way up there.) Among those items was a huge basket of Rome apples, from (of all places, and appropriately enough) Rome, Georgia. They were tasty!

Again, purposing to do something different with a recipe, I securely applied my “Fly-By-The-Seat-Of-Your-Pants” device and proceeded to adventure in the kitchen.

Having absolutely no recipe from which to work, I set out and made my own! (The Army has patches for “Big Red 1,” the Special Forces vertical sword with lightning bolts across, “Pathfinder,” “Air Assault” and the “Expert/Combat Infantryman Badge.” (Maybe they should make one with a fork, French chef’s knife and spoon/ladle criss-crossed over a skillet and stock pot with a flame at the bottom. I’d wear it!)

Here’s what I did:

Peel & core apples. Reserve peel (this is an important step – do NOT omit it!). Chop apples coarsely. Make a strong NaClH2O mixture (Use little H2O & boil it, folks! It’ll hold more NaCl. Then dilute w H2O.). Add honey – lots of it – to NaClH2O. Rationale: Honey is hygroscopic, so is NaCl. NaCl will not affect apples, but allow the marinade/bath to absorb the flavors. Add: cinnamon, mace, allspice, ginger, nutmeg, ground clove, vanilla, in copious quantity. Big healthy squirt of lemon juice – don’t be stingy! – (sing the opening stanza of the Oscar Mayer song, “My baloney has a first name…” while squirting) Brown Sugar – lots and lots of it. Cranberries – about two handfuls. Marinate apples overnight (minimum 12 hours) in refrigerator – the longer, the better. (Oh yeah… make sure the cranberries are in there, too!) And the peel? You should’ve chopped it up finely and added it to the boiling mixture.

Dough:

Flour, whole wheat/white mixture – just dump it in. Lots’a extra risin’ (that’s “Baking Powder” for the uninitiated). One egg – don’t use those panty-waste, freakin’ micro-eggs – use the honkin’ JUMBO mamas! The bigger, the better. (If anyone asks, act like you know what you’re doing.) Lard (that would be PIG FAT – avoid the hydrogenated stuff – you can make your own by melting it – about two ladles/scoops). Butter – that would be COW MILK FAT (Teats are good – Mooof!) one stick – that’s 1/4 pound. Vanilla – you should have some from when you made the other stuff – and for goodness sake, DON’T be stingy! Cream – aka “Heavy Whipping Cream” (avoiding freaky innuendo here… but, she’s a very kinky girl, the kind you don’t take home to mother – unless you’re bold as love {Have you heard Ricky Skaggs bluegrass version of Rick James’ trademark song? No kidding!}). Vodka (cheap stuff is okay), brandy (your preference), Brown Sugar (how come you taste so good? Did you know that Rolling Stones tune was recorded in Muscle Shoals, AL?), white sugar (yep, but not as much as the good, brown stuff), Almonds – blenderize ’em to a powdery consistency – about 2-3 cups finished product. The astute cook will recognize… it’s a cookie dough! Yaay!

How to:

Combine dry ingredients. Melt fat/butter together, add vanilla & liquor (that’d be the vodka & brandy),  cream – again, don’t be stingy! – in separate container. Get your hands in it and mix it all up – but first you gotta’ add the liquid to it! Grease interior of deep-dish baking pan (keeps it from sticking during cooking – and don’t avoid this step by justifying that you use some #$^&! “non-stik” pan – DO IT ANYWAY!) Tear off chunks of the dough and mash it out evenly throughout the pan, lining the bottom and walls. Use a slotted spoon to place marinated apple mixture into pan. Add some liquid, but not all – it should be just below the ingredients’ surface. Roll out remaining dough and apply to surface. Bake @ 350°F for about 30-45 minutes. If you’re a halfway decent cook, you’ll know when it’s done… by smell. Oh yeah… you should’ve put some coarsely chopped pecans under the crust before you cooked it. And just so you’ll know, put a shallow cookie sheet under the pan – it may (translate: most likely will) spill over during cooking.

Now, while that’s cooking you gotta’ do something with that remaining liquid.

Here’s a big giant hint: BOIL IT DOWN! Yep, make a syrup to pour over the top of the cobbler/pie! Hello!? Cooking is all about creativity, ingenuity and efficient use of resources. You know the adage: Waste not, want not.

When it’s done liberally apply butter to the top (while it’s hot, you silly thing, you!), and then pour the syrup all over the top.

Then, take some kind of serving device – preferably a big spoon – and insert it into the pan, gently moving up and under, with a slight twist of the wrist, remove a portion or section of the cooked contents. Place them in a bowl. Apply a heaping portion of vanilla ice cream (chocolate or neapolitan just won’t do in this example) to the top. Using a separate spoon, eat it all up.

Bone-head appetite, y’all!

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