You idiots! How long do I have to put up with your stupid shit?!

Behold the words of the Anointed One: “Jesus replied, “You unbelieving and corrupt generation! How long must I be with you? How long must I put up with you? Bring him here to me!“” (GWT)

The modern vernacular might be: “You bunch of idiots! How long do I have to put up with your stupid shit? Bring him here!”

I get a kick out of watching the variety of “Jesus” movies. You’ve probably seen ’em just as I have. They appear in their various forms on TBN and other religious channels on satellite teevee. Frequently, Jesus is heard speaking with a British accent. Blow me down, limeys! God save the queen!

It’s hilarious to watch the actors portraying the Son of God and walk around like He’s high as a kite, stoned out of His holy mind, and speaking as if He’s loaded on Quaaludes.

He… s – p – e – a – k – s     a – s     i – f  He’s in a drug-induced slow motion.

Why do they do that stupid stuff? Is it a strictly British affliction, or what?!

I can guaran-damn-tee you that Jesus has some spirit to ‘im!

Yesterday evening (Wednesday) in my RCIA class (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) we practiced “lectio divina,” or the practice of praying the Scriptures.

This ancient method of prayer began with Origin (ca. 185-254), whom recommended it as a way of proceeding in stages through an entire section of the Bible. Later employed throughout the Middle Ages by monastic groups including use by Saints Pachomius, Augustine, Basil, and Benedict, it was also mentioned numerous times in writings by the Rule of Saint Benedict (ca. 480-543).

By the 12th century, a Carthusian monk named Guido, authored a booklet entitled Scala Paradisi (popularly called “The Ladder of Four Rungs”). In it, he listed the four steps of Lectio divina, as 1.) Reading; 2.) Meditation, 3.) Prayer; and 4.) Contemplation.

The passage upon which we focused was Luke 6:12-16. “In those days He departed to the mountain to pray, and He spent the night in prayer to God. When day came, He called his disciples to himself, and from them he chose Twelve, whom He also named Apostles: Simon, whom He named Peter, and his brother Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James the son of Alphaeus, Simon who was called a Zealot, and Judas the son of James, and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor.”

In my reading of the passage, I was impressed with two things: 1.) that Jesus prayed, and; 2.) that Jesus changed the names of the group from disciples to Apostles, and similarly nicknamed Simon “Peter.”

Why did Jesus pray? I mean, wasn’t he like two peas in a pod with God? I mean, He’s the Son of God, for crying out loud! I supposed that Jesus’ praying is akin to taking on the telephone with your honey when you’re on an out-of-town trip. You love ’em and want to hear their voice, etc.

As far as nicknames, it’s a very human thing to give nicknames to our good, close and beloved friends. Jesus did that, too. He was, after all, wholly human and wholly God.

Can’t you imagine the scenario? I mean, can’t you imagine the dialogue that Jesus might have had with the Twelve?

“Hey man! Simon! I’m gonna’ call you Peter, and as for the rest of you, I’m gonna’ call you Apostles.”

It’s also kinda’ like the Navy SEALS, the elite group of American warriors, which are essentially like the Green Berets, and then some – and under water – where about 15% of them graduate to so-called “Hell Week,” where, in for 115 continuous hours the recruits are awake and pushed to their human limits with drills, exercises, training and more, all in a variety of the most austere and extreme environments and temperatures.

Jesus had His disciples, but He chose twelve from them. They were the elite.

Oh… I have some additional shocking news for you, too. The Holy Infant shit His diapers, and as a teen, because he is a male, had wet dreams. (Is that uncomfortable to consider?)

Maybe some folks (the judges) reckon I’m not a “Christian,” ’cause  on occasion I cuss-n-fuss, I enjoy drinking whiskey and various other alcoholic beverage, I smoke an occasional cigar, get mad at injustice, and have other “vices,” foibles, shortcomings, and yes, sins. But in defense, I do pray, I believe in Christ, I am baptized, I read the Scriptures, confess my sins, seek forgiveness of those whom I’ve offended, and attend Mass regularly. Oh, and I wasn’t raised Catholic – but I am now.

God Bless You, Dear Reader!