Happy Easter, er… Happy Fertility Day!

For Christians, today is Easter Sunday. It’s their annual high holy day which corresponds with the Spring Equinox in which they celebrate the alleged resurrection from the dead of their god, Jesus of Nazareth, whom they also call Jesus Christ, whom they believe to be God incarnate, and the “son of God,” even though in their story book, Jesus only referred to himself as “the son of man,” NEVER as “the son of God.” NEVER.

Of course, they’ll fight you tooth and nail in disagreement that Jesus of Nazareth is not their god all while saying “praise Jesus!” and making similar exclamations, but in the same breath, they’ll capitulate and confuse things by saying there’s a “trinity” of three separate divine beings whom they identify as “the Father,” “the Son,” and “the Holy Spirit” whom they claim are not separate, but are separate, and are “co-equal” yet distinct and unique.

Entire religions – actually, “denominations” – have been formed around the various interpretations of those blatantly absurdist claims. Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians, Episcopalians, Church of Christ, Church of God, Church of God  in Christ, Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Seventh Day Adventists, Cumberland Presbyterian, are but a few, and that’s just here in the United States.

Abroad, there’s Greek Orthodox, Russian Orthodox, Armenian Apostolic, Armenian Catholic, Armenian, Coptic Catholic, Coptic Orthodox, Anglican, Anglican Catholic, and on, and on, and on, and on. Some have said there are probably tens of thousands of different denominations and sects of Christianity, while others say there are but a few hundred. And yet, the odd thing is, that while they’re all “doing their own thing” they pray and seemingly ask for “unity” which they call ecumenism.

Bottom line? It’ll never happen. Not until they all give up their own private interpretations, traditions, and everything about their religion.

There’s a long-standing joke – there’s ALWAYS truth in humor, and it serves to remind us of the matter about which it takes light-heartedly, and even belittles – about two people who meet each other as one has contemplated, and is preparing to take their ow life, typically upon a bridge, or some such place where it’s a long way down to the bottom.

One calls out to the other, and as the moments pass, they chit-chat, and find that they share a significant number of commonalities, and proceed to seek further identification with one another upon finding that they share a bond of religious faith.

I asked him, “Are you a Christian, a Jew, a Hindu, or what?” He said, “I’m a Christian.”

I said, “Me, too, small world… Protestant or Catholic?” He said, “Protestant.”

I said, “Me, too, what denomination?” He said, “Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too, Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?” He said, “Northern Baptist.”

I said, “Well, ME TOO, Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”

I said, “Well, that’s amazing! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist or Northern Conservative Reformed Baptist?” He said, “Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist.”

I said, “Remarkable! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Eastern Region?” He said, “Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region.”

I said, “A miracle! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”

I said, “DIE, HERETIC!” and pushed him over.

The decided and self-willed incapacity for beneficial change drives many to commit numerous seriously stupid things.

The word “Easter” comes from the Northumbrian word “Eostre.” Northumbria is in northeastern England. And that word came from the from Proto-Germanic word stem *austron-, meaning ”dawn,” which is also the name of a goddess of fertility and spring, perhaps originally of sunrise, whose feast was celebrated at the spring equinox.

The origin on her name is from the word stem *aust- meaning “east, toward the sunrise,” from the root *aus- meaning “to shine,” especially of the dawn.

Bede (673-735), an Anglo-Saxon Christian theologian and Benedictine monk who lived in the Kingdom of Northumbria, wrote that Anglo-Saxon Christians adopted her name and many of the celebratory practices for their Mass of Christ’s resurrection.

Of note, almost all neighboring languages use a variant of the Latin word Pascha – referring to the Jewish Passover holiday – to name that holiday.

The word “paschal,” emerged circa 15th century, and is from the Old French word paschal which is from the 12th century, and is directly from the Late Latin word “paschalis” from pascha “Passover, Easter,” from Greek pascha “Passover,” from Aramaic (Jewish) pasha “pass over,” corresponding to Hebrew pesah, from pasah meaning “he passed over.” Yesterday, Saturday, was Jewish Passover, which according to tradition, legend, and myth, an “Angel of Death” was supposed to have killed every first-born living thing, unless it was lodged in a building which had the blood of a slaughtered male yearling lamb or goat smeared over the lentil and vertical door frame as a “sign” for the “Angel of Death” to “pass over” that house, thereby sparing the inhabitants from death.

Pasche was an early Middle English term for “Easter,” and the older Dutch form of the word, Paas, was retained in New York.

Of course, as the story goes, the Hebrew people, who were enslaved by the Egyptians, merely wanted to go into the desert to worship, but Pharaoh refused them. So, their representative – a murderer known as “Moses” – pulled some trickery, and amazing stunts, and allegedly caused “plagues” to occur which – again, as the myth is told – pissed off Pharaoh, but he still wouldn’t “let my people go.”

So, “God” just basically said “fuck you, I’ma kill yo’ ass, mofo” and today, we eat shrimp, pork, and all kinds of non-kosher shit… because “Jesus” – even though He was a Jew, and according to legend, never ate anything un-kosher.