Me too… #MeToo

Recently, on Facebook, Twitter, and other social media, the “Me Too” meme has been trending.

See: http://www.npr.org/2017/10/16/558165331/in-the-wake-of-harvey-weinstein-scandal-women-say-metoo

See also: https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2017/10/the-movement-of-metoo/542979/

See also: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/16/technology/metoo-twitter-facebook.html

The “Me Too” meme is, in large part, a response to recent revelations of Hollywood Motion Picture/Television Producer Harvey Weinstein’s longtime sexual abuse of women, in close succession to, and conjunction with revelations of similar long-term abuse by late Fox News CEO Roger Ailes, comedian Bill Cosby who is accused of chronic use of “date rape drugs“ on women, and former U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY, 9) who plead guilty to transferring obscene material to a minor for “sexting” (sending sexually explicit images, aka “dick pics”) to a 15-year-old girl with whom he connected via Twitter.

Women decided to show the world how many of them have been victimized sexually.

Men have also been sexually abused – as adults and as children – just like women.

However, sexual abuse just happens to be more prevalent among women.

Sexual abuse is a crime, regardless of to whom it happens, regardless of age.

Any unwanted sexual behavior of an adult is a criminal act, and any sexual behavior toward a child or youth (under the age of consent) is a criminal act.

But in America, we have tolerated a Rape Culture for much too long.

What is “Rape Culture”?

It is a society or environment in which socially prevailing attitudes have the effect of trivializing or normalizing sexual assault and abuse.

Examples of the trivialization of that criminal behavior includes:
• Politicians distinguishing “legitimate rape” and stating that rape is “something that God intended to happen,” among other horrendous claims. {NOTE: Indiana Treasurer Republican Richard Mourdock remarked in a debate Tuesday, October 23, 2012 challenging U.S. Senator Richard Lugar, that “I struggled with it myself for a long time, but I came to realize life is that gift from God. And I think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen.” Missouri’s U.S. Rep. Todd Akin (R, 2) remarked in an interview with KTVI-TV on Sunday, August 19, 2012 that ““It seems to be, first of all, from what I understand from doctors, it’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut the whole thing down.”}

• Journalists who substitute the word “sex” for “rape” – as if they’re the same thing.

• The acceptance and ubiquity of street harassment of women – and how victims are told that they’re “overreacting” when they call it out.

• Sexual assault prevention education programs that focus on women being told to take measures to prevent rape instead of men being told not to rape.

• Rape jokes – and people who defend those “jokes.”

• Twitter hashtags that support accused rapists and blame victims.

• Assuming that false reporting for sexual assault cases are the norm, when in reality, they’re only 2–8%, which is on par with grand theft auto.

• Only 3% of rapists ever serving a day in jail.

• Victims not being taken seriously when they report rapes to their university campuses.

Rape is NOT a “sexual” crime.

Rape is a crime of VIOLENCE

perpetrated upon genitals.

In a similar way, Domestic Violence (sometimes also called “Intimate Partner Violence”) is not exclusively limited to physical violence. Domestic Violence includes abusive action that encompasses many behaviors, including Financial abuse, Emotional abuse, Psychological abuse, etc. (A brief list of abusive behaviors and questions to ask yourself if you wonder if you’re being abused is found below.)

For example, online when someone (particularly a male) posts a “show us your tits” meme in response to a female’s post, that is Sexually abusive behavior. Similarly, when a male sends to a female (or vice versa) unsolicited “dick pics,” that is sexual abuse – it is a “virtual rape” which would properly be called Online Sexual Abuse.

In the United States, such egregious behavior is NOT a crime.

England has come close to criminalizing such behavior, but has yet to fully address the matter as a problem, or as a crime.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/12072784/Social-media-domestic-abusers-face-up-to-five-years-in-jail.html

“New powers will target perpetrators who subject spouses, partners and other family members to serious psychological and emotional torment but stop short of violence.

“Legislation that comes into force today paves the way for charges to be brought in domestic abuse cases where there is evidence of repeated “controlling or coercive behaviour” for the first time.

“The Crown Prosecution Service said the type of abuse covered by the new offence could include a pattern of threats, humiliation and intimidation or stopping someone from socialising, controlling their social media accounts, surveillance through apps and dictating what they wear.”

An Emotional abuser:

Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.

Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.

Tries to isolate you from family or friends.

Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.

Does not want you to work.

Controls finances or refuses to share money.

Punishes you by withholding affection.

Expects you to ask permission.

Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.

Humiliates you.

A Financial abuser:

Sabotages work by stalking or harassing at the workplace.

Controls how money is spent.

Denies access to bank accounts.

Withholds money or gives an allowance.

Runs up large amounts of debt on joint accounts.

Withholds funds for basic needs such as food and medicine.

Demands a partner’s public benefits.

A Physical abuser:

Damages property when angry (throw objects, punch walls, kick doors, etc.).

Pushes, slaps, bites, kicks or chokes you.

Abandons you in dangerous or unfamiliar places.

Scares you by driving recklessly.

Uses a weapon to threaten or hurt you.

Forces you to leave your home.

Traps you in your home or keep you from leaving.

Prevents you from calling police or seeking medical attention.

Hurts your children.

Uses physical force in sexual situations.

A Sexual abuser:

Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.

Accuses you of cheating or appears jealous of your outside relationships.

Wants you to dress in a sexual way.

Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.

Forces or manipulates you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.

Holds you down during sex.

Demands sex when you are sick, tired or after beating you.

Hurts you with weapons or objects during sex.

Involves other people in sexual activities with you.

Ignores your feelings regarding sex.

Questions to ask yourself:

1. Does your partner humiliate or put you down in front of friends and family members?

2. Is your partner extremely jealous or possessive?

3. Does your partner need to know where you are all the time and often check in on you?

4. Is your view of your relationship completely different from the way your partner views your relationship?

5. Are you starting to feel like you are losing your mind because you are starting to believe what your partner says about you?

6. Do you do everything you can to try to make your partner happy only to hear that it’s all wrong?

7. Have you ever been afraid of your partner’s temper?

8. Have you ever not expressed your opinion or feelings because you are afraid of your partner’s reaction?

9. Does your partner act like the abusive behavior is nothing, blame you for it, or tell you that it doesn’t happen?

10. Has your partner ever threatened you with weapons of any sort?

11. Has your partner ever threatened suicide, especially if you leave?

12. Do you have to ask your spouse for permission to see family or friends?

13. Is access to any money, even your paycheck or other funds, limited, or do you have to ask permission to spend anything?

14. Do you feel totally isolated?

15. Has your partner alienated all your friends and family?

16. Are you confused by your partner’s charming behavior in company and abusive behavior at home?

17. Does your partner only see you or any children as property with no rights?

18. Have you ever been forced to have intimate relations?

19. Are you starting to believe that you are worthless and deserve this treatment?

20. Has your partner ever destroyed your property such as ripping up your clothes or breaking sentimental items?

21. Have you ever been denied basic necessities? For example, food being hidden so you have to ask for it.

22. Do you feel numb or try to feel numb inside?

23. Has your partner ever threatened to hurt or kill pets, or actually hurt your pets?

24. Does your partner make all the decisions in your home, even the little ones?

25. Does your partner threaten to take away your children, or tell you that you are a bad parent?

26. Has your partner ever hit, shoved, choked or slapped you, even if they said they were just playing rough?

27. Have you ever been afraid of your partner?

28. Are you worried about your partner’s reaction if anyone compliments you?