Warm Southern Breeze

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Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Thursday, July 31, 2014

Wabi Sabi Love:
The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships

By David Hill

Love. It’s right up there with air, food, and water as the most necessary of ingredients for existence. And yet it is one of the hardest things to find, and perhaps an even harder thing to hold on to.

The truth is you’re not perfect, and neither is your spouse. But you can be perfectly imperfect together. In Wabi Sabi Love, international bestselling author and relationship expert Arielle Ford applies the wisdom of Wabi Sabi-the ancient Japanese idea of illuminating the beauty in imperfection-to love relationships. Wabi Sabi Love is the practice of exploring, embracing, and cherishing the quirks, irritations, and limitations that make you and your partner unique and that form your shared history as a couple.

Wabi Sabi Love provides the tools to see yourself, your partner, and your partnership in an entirely new light, develop a deep and profound appreciation for each other, and experience more balance, harmony, and joy in your relationship than ever before. Wabi Sabi Love teaches you to:
• Turn conflict into connection and differences into mutual passions
• Move from “annoyed” to “enjoyed”
• Establish new beliefs and habits that better serve your relationship
• Cultivate humor, humility, and generosity to diffuse those moments when you would     normally retreat or slip into tired judgments, criticisms, or resentments

Here is one of the stories you will find in this book:

Mrs. Lee’ Story
The cool, quiet room was overflowing with the grieving faces of friends and family as the funeral director invited Mrs. Lee up to the podium to speak.* The petite, elegant widow walked slowly to the front of the small chapel and calmly began her eulogy. “I am not going to sing praises for my late husband. Not today. Neither am I going to talk about how good he was.” Mrs. Lee’s eyes flashed. “Enough people have done that here.” She took a deep breath, allowing the air to fill her lungs before she continued. “Instead, I want to talk about some things that will make some of you feel a bit uncomfortable.”

Several people stopped fanning themselves and sat up a little straighter. “First off, I want to talk about what happened in bed.” She paused dramatically, shiffing her weight from side to side. A crow cawed outside the chapel window. She watched it perch itself on a nearby tree.
“Have you ever had difficulty starting your car engine in the morning?” She carefully studied the faces about the room. With a loud, grinding sound, she snorted and rum bled, violently shaking her tiny frame. “Well, that’s exactly what David’s snoring sounded like.” A cough rose up from the center of the audience. “But wait,” she continued. “Snoring wasn’t the only thing.” A few pairs of feet shuffled nervously under the chairs.

“There was also this rear-end wind action as well. Some nights it was so forceful, it would wake him up.” A child giggled into her hand while her red-faced mother stifled a grin.
“‘What was that?’ he would ask. “‘Oh, it’s the dog,’ I would say. Patting his back and smoothing the covers, I would urge him to go back to sleep. She touched her hair as if remembering the way her hands felt as they placed themselves on her husband’s gasping body. “Oh. you might find this very funny,” Mrs. Lee offered the whisper of a smile. Her hands clutched the funeral program as she licked her dry lips. “But when his illness was at its worst, these sounds provided comfort and proof that my David was still alive.”

Silence washed over the room. Even the birds outside seemed to be listening.
Mrs. Lee looked heavenward as her voice began to crack. “What I wouldn’t give just to hear those sounds one more time before I sleep.” A single tear wandered down her face, landing noiselessly on her lapel.

“In the end, it’s these small things that you remember, the little imperfections that make them perfect for you. “So, to my beautiful children,” Mrs. Lee swept one hand toward the front row, “I hope that one day you, too, will find yourselves life partners who are as beautifully imperfect as your father was to me.”

Mrs. Lee’s eloquent tribute to her husband left the entire audience in tears. With just a few hearffelt words she summed up the mystery and magic of a lifelong marriage built on the foundation of love, imperfection, and acceptance that knows no bounds.

Wabi Sabi Love is grounded in acceptance. It’s the practice of accepting the flaws,
imperfections, and limitations-as well as the gifts and the blessings that form your shared history as a couple. Acceptance and its counterpart, understanding, are crucial to achieving relationship harmony.

This is sacred love, not infatuation, or love that is convenient. What if we discovered that romantic love was never meant to be perfect, but to guide us to this highest form of love? What if, in fact, soulmate we-are-destined-for-one- another love exists to propel us into an understanding of Wabi Sabi Love, such as Mrs. Lee experienced?

Can you imagine what the world would look like, feel like, be like if the foundational premise of romantic love and deep intimacy were based on the art of loving one’s imperfections rather than the illusionary fantasy that your relationship is fabulous only when each person is acting perfectly and behaving in ways that are acceptable to the other? Imagine a world in which imperfection is the accepted norm and is actually cherished.

Would the divorce rate drop? Would the love that brought us together alter the very way in which we relate to our partners? Would this new set of values provide an evolutionary segue into a love so perfectly imperfect that you learn to cherish that which used to drive you crazy? Anyone who has found this highest level of Wabi Sabi Love knows that it comes in one way and one way only: through exploring, embracing, and actually falling in love with the cracks in each other and ourselves.

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