“…and they lived happily ever after,” for about two years. Then, the feelings wore off.

Emotions.

We all have them.

Sometimes, we feel good, sometimes bad.

Sometimes happy, sometimes sad.

Sometimes up, sometimes down.

Sometimes like a reed blown by the wind.

Yeah.

Love Love Love (Photo credit: Gregory Jordan)

That’s what emotions are.

Ever shifting sands, washed by the winds and waves of life.

Does that mean they’re bad?

Nope. Who doesn’t enjoy a vacation at the beach occasionally?

But you’d be a damn fool to build a house there.

Love, however, is not a feeling. It produces feelings, but love itself is a decision.

What spouse ever felt sadness at their partner when they were hurt on the job or elsewhere? And while they were motivated to help or care because of feelings compassion and sorrow, it was a decision to act because of the relationship – something beyond the immediate, and short-term feeling.

What parent ever felt exasperation or frustration – even anger – at their child(ren) over activities they did? But they did not stop loving them.

Love produces feelings, but it is not a feeling.

—

Why Does Love Evaporate?

By Gary Chapman  

Remember the days when you were “in love“? You thought you had found the perfect man or woman. You dreamed of being married and living happily ever after. Now you’re married, but not so happy.

What happened to those euphoric feelings? They were supposed to last forever. At least that’s what the songs say. In reality, they are temporary. The average life-span of the “in love” experience is two years. We don’t stay obsessed forever.

The problem is twofold: First, we were led to believe that if we were really “in love” it would last forever. So, when we lose the feelings, we think we have lost love.

The second problem is that we have a faulty concept of love. We think of love as a feeling. In reality it is much more an attitude. Love is a way of thinking and behaving.

Love is the attitude that says, “I am married to you and I choose to do everything I can do to enrich your life.” Then it responds with appropriate behavior.

When we love, our spouse feels loved because of our actions or our words. But love is not something you feel; it’s something you do.

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman. Based on the book, The Five Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishers.