Sex, Drugs, and Rock-n-Roll

Periodically, friends and family come to me seeking understanding about various medical and health related issues, which often includes information about procedures and medications.

And on occasion, I continue to be asked to identify certain medications.

Particularly problematic are the numerous herbs and Over The Counter (OTC) non-prescription remedies that neither treat nor cure, yet proliferate and line the pockets of those unscrupulous enough to market and sell them to the unsuspectingly ignorant.

On one such occasion, I was asked by a friend to identify several foreign concoctions of apparent Asian origin, which I succeed in identifying, though I suspect I merely added levity to our communication. Fortunately, the request wasn’t anything of any seriously substantial nature.

It’s becoming more difficult to identify many items, though I count myself fortunate to have access to the numerous resources I do.

Here’s the text of my response. Perhaps you’ll find it enlightening.

Maybe I can help with ID’ing the meds.

The first one in the middle… monkey nuts. No, not testicles, nuts. They’re called monkey nuts because they look like monkeys eating nuts.

The one on the lower right corner is an ancient fertility treatment. It makes one attractive to the “opposite” (I prefer complementary – note the ‘e’ rather than the ‘i’) sex. Of course, a bottle of MadDog 20/20 could have the same effect. Either that, or a bottle of WD40. I think the ladies might prefer the latter, while some gents would prefer the former.

The “secret ingredient” (aren’t they all?) in this one is donehoneydos – and prepared in the complete absence of illgetaroundtoits – along with a heaping helping of breathless compliments (this one has the ‘i’ but it’s actually about the “not-I” which is ‘u’).

The “White Monkey Holding Peach Balm,” is actually a veterinary medicine. See the water buffalo in the picture? It was constipated… until the rice farmer used the WMHPC. And where would the farmer be with no bull?!

And like medicines here in the USA, where BigPharma and Insurance companies enjoy their illicit relationship, WMHPB is quite expensive. The cheapest I’ve been able to find it is $1.09/8g, which works out to $61.80/pound – much more expensive than prime rib, filet mignon, though much less expensive than caviar.

The “Beanne Extra Pearl Cream” is actually -CENSORED- . And the BEPC is even more expensive, at $529.60/pound.

By comparison, a fully-dressed, 2005 Mercedes-Benz S500 4Matic (their top-of-the-line/flagship luxury sedan) weighs 4270lbs (2.135 tons) and can be purchased for approximately $35k, or $8.20/pound – and the same model, fully dressed, only two years newer would average $14.51/lb.

The 2010 model?

Fully dressed, it costs about $120,000, which works out to about $28.10/pound.

And Viagra?

Well, at $16.43 for a bottle of 100-100mg tablets – that’s $745.25/lb – it only goes to show that it’s always more expensive to come, than go!

So whatever you do… please DON’T Thai one on!

The Viagra Cost Breakdown

Bottle of 100, 100mg Viagra® (sildenafil citrate) tablets
Propst = $16.43

100 x 100mg = 10,000mg = 10g
$16.43 / 10g = $1.643/g

1lb = 453.5923744953g

453.5923744953g per pound x $1.643/g  = $745.25227129578 per pound
-OR-
$745/lb

As a final note, I’m Curious… should the title be read as “sex drugs” and rock-n-roll?