Warm Southern Breeze

"… there is no such thing as nothing."

Posts Tagged ‘joke’

Help Wanted: Wal-Mart Door Greeter

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Monday, May 20, 2013

One of my fine friends had recently commented about the speed of thought. I was reminded of a recent story, apropos to his remark, and one told to me by a physician colleague.

It seems one of the local Wal-Marts had an opening for a Door Greeter job. The store manager published the help wanted notice & after receiving numerous applications, culled the job seekers to four.

Having thoroughly examined the applications, reviewed their resumes, and wanting to be as efficient as possible, he decided to conduct a group interview of the four sharpest candidates.

Because he wanted to see how they could think of their feet, he decided to ask them each a question and judge their response.

Turning to the first candidate, he said, “Young lady, what’s the fastest thing you can think of?”

She quickly replied saying, “A blink.”

“That’s good,” said the manager in response. “A blink is much less than a second, and the Scripture says Christ will come in the twinkling of an eye. That’s good.”

Turning to the second candidate, he asked Read the rest of this entry »

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An International Dialogue on the Recent Tragedy of an English Nurse’s Suicide

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Sunday, December 9, 2012

Over the past year, I have established friendship with a young man whom is an Irish resident. We share several common interests, among them our religious faith – we are both Catholic – and the creative arts – he is an active musician, while my musical talents & skills have taken a respite.

Recently, on his FaceBook page, he had shared a news story, which was in response to the news of the tragedy of the suicide of the English Nurse who had been involved in an international prank, and later found to have committed suicide.

While the volume of dialogue was principally between he and I, there were other respondents, some of whom were situated on the opposite side of the globe, in the Southern hemisphere, in Australia, where the prank originated.

As I returned to the post to read the other responses, it occurred to me that they were civil in tenor, and it was that aspect of the dialogue which was perhaps the most enjoyable, and which – as I perceive it – has remained sorely absent in many so-called online “forums.” The lack of civility has also taken a toll in politics, even on a worldwide basis. And that loss of civility is wholly and entirely regrettable.

So, it is because of the presence of civility – which is an acknowledgement of respect for another person, even though there may be vastly differing perspectives – that I wish to share the dialogue. For respect of others’ privacy, and because their identities are not germane to the topic, their names are redacted.

Young Irish Male: ‎Female 1, we were just talking about pranksters last week and how pranks really can destroy a persons life. This is just one example. Very sad story.

Nurse who took Kate prank call at hospital found dead
www.independent.ie
KATE Middleton said she was deeply saddened yesterday by the apparent suicide of a nurse who fell victim to a hoax during her stay in hospital.

Female 1: Oh i know..isn’t that just terrible! I put a video on just last week…i don’t know if it was real or not but it showed Read the rest of this entry »

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The economy is so bad that…

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

African television stations are now showing ‘Sponsor an American Child’ commercials!

Wives are having sex with their husbands because Read the rest of this entry »

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The Horth Whithperer

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Saturday, June 12, 2010

(If you don’t laugh out loud at this, you’re just not trying!)

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he”s sending a  friend over to look at a horse.

His buddy asks, “How will I recognize him?”

“That’s easy. He’s a dwarf with a speech impediment.”

So, the dwarf shows up, and the guy asks him if he”s looking for a male or female horse.

“A female horth.”

So he shows him a prized filly.

“Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?”

So the guy picks up the dwarf and he gives the horse’s eyes the once over.

“Nith eyeth, can I thee her …Continue…

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NJ authorities: 16 year old boy punked Wal-Martians

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Sunday, March 21, 2010

A 16-year old boy in southern New Jersey’s Washington Township accused of punking Wal-Mart shoppers in that town has been arrested and released into his parents’ custody.

Police said he used one of the courtesy phones, to calmly announce “Attention, Wal-Mart customers: All Black people, leave the store now,” was charged with harassment and bias intimidation, and were not aware if he had an attorney.

Gloucester County Prosecutor Sean Dalton said …Continue…

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“Attention, Wal-Mart customers: All Black people, leave the store now.”

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Yo yo yo yo yo!

Wassup brutha’ and sistas! It be lookin’ like muh folks in ‘da hood wuz dissed in Washington Township, New Jersey!

Yo yo yo yo!

We ain’ down wid it!

Breaking now from the jive blinglish, we shall continue in plain, ordinary, everyday English.

Last Sunday evening at a Wal-Mart store in southern New Jersey’s Washington Township, a calm male voice came over the public-address system and announced: “Attention, Wal-Mart customers: All black people, leave the store now.

Moments later, a store manager quickly …Continue…

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“Doctor, I was wondering…”

Posted by Warm Southern Breeze on Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Call in on a teevee news show’s “Back Talk” segment:

“Doctor, I have a rod in my back that extends up to the plate in my head, and down into my leg, past my knee, which makes me walk funny.

“What I’m wondering is, ‘will this set off the airport metal detectors’?”

***************************************************************************

“Brain Salad Surgery, It will murder you, it murdered me. We made it for our enemy, Brain Salad Surgery. We’ve got a ballad, About a salad brain, with a surgeon with a dirty dinner game.”

Lyric excerpt from:
BRAIN SALAD SURGERY, (ASCAP Title Code: 320185215)

Writers:
Keith Noel Emerson
Gregory Lake
Peter John Sinfield

Performers:
EMERSON/LAKE/PALMER

Publishers/Administrators:
Leadchoice Limited
c/o Music Sales Corp.
257 Park Avenue S
20th Floor
New York, NY 10010
Tel. (212) 254-2100
Email: joe.dipinto@musicsales.com

Posted in - Did they REALLY say that?, - Even MORE Uncategorized! | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

 
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